The Problem With Men Starting Viral Campaigns To Find Women To Replace Ex-Girlfriends

Once is funny, twice is bearable, but three times and the joke's on you.

Is that not how it goes?

Well, in this case, it seems to be a case of once is mildly amusing, twice is kind of desperate and the third time, the dude involved is clearly completely insane and should probably be issued with a restraining order preventing him from approaching ALL women.

We're talking about the recent spate of men who seem to think it's a stroke of complete brilliance to start online campaigns advertising for female companions to take the place of ex-girlfriends - on round the world trips, on honeymoons and, more recently, in their old room in an apartment.

Exhibit A - The Search For Elizabeth Gallagher

You can't have missed this, it did the rounds for weeks.

Jordan Axani - a somewhat hunky Canadian guy, 28-years-old - had booked a three week, round-the-world trip for he and his girlfriend, Elizabeth Gallagher, to see countries such as Italy, France, India and Thailand.

Catastrophe struck though, when Jordan and his girlfriend broke up, shortly before the trip - leaving our handsome hero with a non-refundable round the world ticket in Elizabeth Gallagher's name.

In a lightbulb moment Jordan decided, not to let the ticket go to waste, but to try and find another girl, who was also called Elizabeth Gallagher, to take the ticket and accompany him on his whirlwind excursion.

Fortunately, 23-year-old student Elizabeth Gallagher mark two answered his call.

Huzzah!

Why This Worked:

The idea itself wasn't completely original, people have been using the virality of social media to unite others for years - how many times have you seen the post "Digital camera found on beach in Thailand - let's see if we can reunite it with the owner by sharing this post/ these pictures"?

However, it was a cute story, put out into the world by, arguably, an equally cute boy.

He stipulated that the trip would be free for his new Elizabeth Gallagher, he just didn't want to throw away this chance for someone to travel and see the world.

He also stipulated that there would be separate bedrooms throughout and he set up Skype calls with his final contenders, to establish some rapport and for everyone's piece of mind.

The new Elizabeth Gallagher was happily coupled up with a longterm boyfriend, who was reassured plenty of times that Jordan Axani was looking for a fellow adventurer, rather than a concubine.

Exhibit B - The Ruined Honeymoon eBay Quest

Clearly hoping to ride Jordan's coattails, we have John Whitbread, 32-years-old, from Leicestershire, who decided after being dumped by his fiance, that he still wanted to go on his ruined honeymoon.

He put the word out about the £1,950 two-week trip to the Dominican Republic on popular auction website eBay.

And his best mate helped him start a campaign to find a female companion to take with him, coupled with the rather lengthy hashtag #GirlFromThePublicToDominicanRepublic.

Why This Is Starting To Get Creepy:

Well, apart from the fact that the novelty of looking for replacement women is already wearing a bit thin, there are a few other red flags in this case.

Firstly, this isn't some fast paced travelling adventure, this is a honeymoon....complete with, one can only assume, couples massages, rose petals on the sheets and a knickerbocker glory with two spoons.

Secondly, it isn't free. He put it on eBay, hoping for some poor lass to actually bid money on the chance to spend a secluded fortnight with him.

Third, isn't it a bit odd that Mr Whitbread is looking for "a female of any age"?

So presumably then, can she be 17-years-old, as long as she has a "good sense of humour."

If we were to make an ill-educated guess here, we'd say that Mr Whitbread is definitely hoping that the double-straw pina coladas, sunset and rose petals of his almost-moon might get some frisky young gal in the mood for a new romance, helping him to recreate some of the sail-off-into-the-sunset feel of the honeymoon he might have had.

Steer clear.

Exhibit C -  The 'Move Into My Apartment' Guy

For our third case in this increasingly shuddersome trilogy, we refer to a guy (let's call him Mr Banjo as he doesn't offer a name, only that he is a "musician") who doesn't want you to get on an aeroplane at all, he wants you to move into his actual apartment and makes no secret of the fact that you will have to be his girlfriend (read: sex slave).

Mr Banjo, having lost his ex-girlfriend to, we can only assume, a moment of exasperated clarity when she moved out of his apartment and discontinued her role as his employee, "muse" and general plaything, chose to advertise on Craigslist for a replacement.

His advert is long and incredibly weird, but here are a few of the highlights:

I am looking for a live-in girlfriend and work partner for a long-term relationship.

I am 6' tall, slim, fit, youthful and energetic. I'm in my 40s but run circles around my 20-somethings friends who think I'm too intense.

I'm a great boss that give rewards, but I also know when to draw the line and I don't accept slacking.

You are intelligent and articulate. You can reason, converse, critically think and understand the difference between there, their and they're.

You are at least 5' 6" and fit. I don't mean perfect, I mean healthy. Healthy is not anorexic and it's not fat.

You travel light. My place is small and furnished. You've got room for suitcases, that's about it.

No narcissists. What is a narcissist? An actress! Seriously; you know who you are & stay away.

And here's the real kicker:

I have a fully-furnished bedroom [...] which you will NOT be sleeping in most of the time, but you can store your belongings in there.

Erm, does he expect her to sleep in the sink?!

Why This Is A Trip To Crazy Town:

So basically, this dude is a demanding, worthy, self-professed artist/musician, looking for a quiet, thin, does-as-she's-told girl with very few possessions to work for him, service him and possibly sleep on the floor.

What's not to love about that?

The Problem With Advertising For Replacement Women

Don’t be fooled by funny (barely) online campaigns… this is a clear case of men who can’t let go.

They might be creative enough to advertise online (though really, how much does it take to make one of these posts), but they aren’t creative enough to actually want something new.

Sadly, the Can't Let Go-ers are everywhere and not simply to be found cowering in the corners of Craigslist and Reddit.

The Can't Let Go-ers have usually had one great relationship, with a girl who they got mega comfortable with, probably forgot about the "giving" part in the give-and-take of long-term partnerships and when she wised up and walked out, they were left dumbfounded.

Now, their one mission is to get back some semblance of the cushy situation they once had found themselves in.

Unfortunately, this is a lazy and thoughtless approach to life, gives any new girl very little growing room and means she'll probably find herself being measured up to some impossibly ideal memory of his former flame.

No fun.

How To Spot A Man Who Can't Let Go

- Obviously if he keeps calling you by his ex-girlfriends name, his recent break-up might be a bit too fresh for him to really move on properly.

- When he talks about her ALL the darn time! Whether he's bitterly criticising every little thing she did or waxing lyrical about all her lifetime accomplishments, he's clearly fixated and not able to focus on you properly.

- If he suggests a different style of clothing for you or tries to convince you that you'd really suit the colour lilac. Careful here, as any attempt to change your style or routine could be a way to make you fit further into the mould of his ex.

- His ex was an artist. He buys you an easel.

- He takes you to Sardinia, where you walk along the shore taking selfies in the moonlight and drink mimosas over an eggs benedict the next morning. Flipping through an old album you find an almost idential holiday to the same destination that he shared with his ex.

- Asks to paint a nude of you in his studio. Once finished, there's something odd about it. It kind of looks like you, but it also bears an uncanny resemblance to someone you've seen in photos on his smartphone....

- Occasionally he slips out for a few hours at a time and he comes back damp and miserable. (He's been standing under her window in the rain, serenading her with his banjo).

We might have got carried away there, but seriously, if he's not over her, he's probably not going to be wholeheartedly into you.

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Do you have a case of a boy obssessed with his ex that you want to share with us? Let us know in the comments!