The Curse Of The Trampoline Ex: Why Women Like Katy Perry Just Can't Stop Bouncing Back

Katy Perry seems like a girl who has got it all in terms of looks, talent, wealth and a fully functioning intellect, which makes the rumours that she might be bouncing back to her ex and serial date-stringer John Mayer both puzzling and disturbing.

Wasn’t marriage to Russell Brand nature’s way of warning Katy about the perils of the unobtainable guy?
Is it the triumph of eternal doe-eyed optimism over logical expectation, or is the Trampoline ex syndrome really more about something much blander and more practical?

Even the man himself seems to understand the lure of the familiar. Talking to Sirus Radio about why women go back to their exs, Mayer hypothesised: “It is a connection to the past, a reaction to fear of the unknown. They go back with a guy they don't like just because they know how to get to his bathroom in the dark."

If you could pop a blindfold on the logical, reasoning, left-hemisphere of your brain it would be easy to understand the appeal of the serial heart-breaker, cad, bounder or commitment-phobic guy. From the cravat-wearing, mustachio-twiddling classical bounders like Errol Flynn and Rhett ‘Butler through to Spencer ‘Who, me?’ Matthews, via louche, leggy, Byronic lovelies like Mick Jagger and Pete Doherty these men have an inexcusable appeal for many women and not just young, naïve ladies but often intelligent and successful women.

The female cad or heart-breaker might not be such a staple of fictional and celebrity stereotyping but the Queen Bee woman certainly exists as well, breaking male hearts like snapped lolly sticks and moving onto the next conquest without so much as a backward glance.

So why would anyone willingly take their self-respect, professional status and self-esteem and wrap it all up with a gift tag on top to lay at the feet of the likes of Mayer et al, as women like Katy Perry have appeared to do?

Why place your finger back into the flame when you know it burned the first time around?

THE IMPOSTER SYNDROME
This syndrome is common among successful men and women and it defines the tendency to secretly think they are fake and therefore not deserving of their successes. They will quietly put their achievements down to luck rather than talent, which can make them vulnerable to someone who treats them in line with this theory. When you hook up to someone who is hard work to pin down, you tend to satellite around them rather than the other way round. Their apparent indifference, coolness or tendency to stray can sadly make it feel as though they are the only lover who really ‘gets’ you. The keener, more faithful ones are pandering to the imposter but this guy or woman has seen through to the real ‘you.’ Hence the tendency to return time and time again. Sad but common.

THE SUCCESS FACTOR
Even when your self-esteem is rock solid, fame and wealth can have a distorting effect on your motivational choices. When you can have almost anything you want, the thing you can’t have can magnify in its appeal. Luxury goods manufacturers cash in on this by creating deliberate scarcity to make you want that bag or pair of shoes really badly just because they don’t have it in the shops. Maybe Mayer is like that designer handbag that you end up queuing for, just because you can’t cope with the word ‘no.’

THE RESILIENCE FACTOR
Successful people are often allergic to failure and will keep trying way past the point where others might give up. It’s what makes a mountaineer keep going when the climb is against the odds, so maybe Mayer is some form of Kilimanjaro and Katy is determined to scale him and plant her flag on his head despite a few slips and trips along the way.

THE BYRON SYNDROME
Described as being ‘mad, bad and dangerous to know’ Lord Byron suddenly achieved an appeal that has rolled down through the years. Moody, passionate, wild and dark – yes, and also profound which is something Brand, Doherty and Mayer appear to try to cash in on.

THE REPAIR FACTOR
When something is broken you mend it. That might be true of a cup or plate but for some people it is also true of relationships. When one goes on the skids they can over-think or even obsess about what went wrong and their natural optimism might lead them to believe that one more go might just mean getting it right. This syndrome will often intensify if another, newer partner appears to have found the magic formula involved in the process known as ‘taming’. It’s a bit like losing a lot of cash in a fruit machine before walking away and then seeing someone else winning the jackpot with just one coin.

THE SEXUAL FACTOR
A cad or stringer can be sexy. They will often have a certain kind of charisma that makes them great flirts and good fun, plus great at sex. When they turn their attention onto their ‘victim’ it can be like basking in the ray of a sun and when that sun gets turned off it can drive otherwise sane types to do anything to get it turned back on again.

THE REBELLION FACTOR
Who is to say that cad’s partner might not have a naughtiness trait lurking inside themselves? Dating a nice guy or girl can entail a marginally painful suppression of this trait but being swept up into cad-land can mean all bets are off. Perhaps people deliberately choose a cad or bad girl to allow their own rebellious tendencies an outlet. (After all, party girl Kate Moss didn’t totally slow down on the party circuit après-Pete.)

HOW TO SPOT THE SERIAL HEARTBREAKER
•    Take a trawl through their references. Would you buy a car with a history of mechanical failures? Then why bother believing that you might just do better than all those heart-broken ex’s your date is trawling in his/her wake? Previous dates tend to be openly vociferous about a cad or stringer-along. Listen to them.

•    Look for kitty-litter behaviour. Which means they will try to hide their friends and family from you for as long as possible to avoid your discovering their reputation.

•    Check out your own credentials. Were you attracted to him/her specifically because you saw them as a challenge? Did the old adrenalin start buzzing when you heard they had a bit of a reputation? Then remember there are no refunds when you get what you paid for.

•    Look for a quasi-infantile response to guilt. The serial heartbreaker will often blame everyone else for their ‘naughty’ behaviour and revert to childlike excuses of irresponsibility and helplessness. This can tempt some partners into believing that their conversion to ‘good’ behaviour is in their control, i.e. “If I am firm and create boundaries and keep an eye on them I can tame and train them.”

•    Watch for too-early commitments. The serial heartbreaker will often appear to fall in love very quickly (but fall out of it again just as quickly). If s/he is claiming undying love by the end of the first date you might need to be suspicious. They could well believe what they are saying but they could also be saying it to someone else the following night too!

•    Listen to their litany of weird, possessive, controlling ex’s and take it with a pinch of salt. The heartbreaker always blames his/her ex for their own caddish behaviour.

Have you fallen for your trampoline ex? How did you break that cycle? Let us know on Twitter.

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