How To Come Out On Top If You’re Newly Single In The New Year

Newly Single Status behaviour can take many forms.

From the wilting ego of the vulnerable victim to the fire-spitting vengefulness of those that have been wronged, celebs have managed to illustrate nearly every state in the spectrum over 2014.

Leash-tightening Katie Price seems to have Kieran on some sort of a sexual choke-chain after his affair last year while Gwyneth Paltrow ‘consciously uncoupled’ from husband Chris Martin.

Emotional pain can cause irrational responses prompted by a survival instinct but it can be vital to deny some of your more dramatic post-split urges if you plan to move forward with your life.

Here’s some Do’s and Don’ts to help you heal with the help of some celebrity role-models.

1.    DON’T: TURN A RELATIONSHIP BLIP INTO AN ALL-ROUND LIFE DISASTER

Although any emotional pain might seem to poison every aspect of your life, it is vital to ring-fence all the positive parts as quickly and emphatically as possible.

Your romantic status is only one of your life roles. It might have currently crumbled but that doesn’t mean you should throw your whole life onto the slag heap marked ‘failure’.

Falling out with your family, refusing to see your friends and risking your career by missing deadlines and producing poor-quality work are all examples of that. Don’t do it.

DO: FLOUNCE IT LIKE FLACK

Caroline Flack is the current poster girl for getting on with your life post-split.

Ok, so we’re not all able to carry off the Strictly crown but the same lessons will easily apply to your own life.

Instead of gazing into a life void thanks to her split from boyfriend Jack Street, Caroline took what must have been some intensely negative emotions and threw them all into a different project altogether, burning anger as foot-fuel rather than indulging in bitter texts and competitive ex behaviour.

Exercise-based repair remedies are great because as Caroline said: ’It releases all these endorphins that I never knew were there naturally and you just come out on a high.’

But if sporting achievement isn’t your thing, try a new work project or promotion or training in a subject that has always appealed to you instead.

2.    DON’T: TRY TO BECOME SOMEONE ELSE

We all know that getting dumped is the best diet, but even if you have dropped a few pounds, try to avoid the all-out makeover syndrome.

Anger at a split can become converted into self-hatred, taking the form of self-attacks which can translate as getting your hair all cut off, changing the colour dramatically, restyling your wardrobe or even opting for cosmetic surgery.

These acts are all a rejection of self.

It might be natural to want to bury or change what you see as you see yourself as a failure, but being single doesn’t necessarily mean being a failure.

Never reject yourself because someone else has rejected you.

It’s ok to opt for a freshen-up if you feel you’ve gone stale in a long-term relationship but don’t attempt a total chameleon.

DO: BECOME GWYNETH-RESILIENT

When Gwyneth and Chris split in 2014, it was a very public shattering of what was presented as the ‘perfect couple lifestyle’.

Gwyneth always looked like a girl who had life pretty much stitched up and we all waited to see how ‘Miss Perfect’ would cope with life as a single girl.

Ok so the ‘conscious uncoupling’ thing was a bit overdone but look at pictures of Gwyneth now and the remarkable thing is that she looks absolutely no different to how she looked pre-split.

Her signals show she is and was a complete and independent whole person with or without a partner.

Whether this identity strength goes through to the core or not her resilience is attractive and will create a huge bias in terms of finding a future partner. She is who she is.

That kind of authentic charisma is very appealing. Instead of denying and crushing your persona after a split, cherish it and depict it with pride.

3.    DON’T: BECOME A GOODGER GREEDY-GRABBER

Launching yourself onto the singles scene can resemble the kind of networking you do to get a new job, but no one should take this too far.

Lauren Goodger has announced she wants to meet ‘The One’ in 2015 and as if setting your cap at meeting Mr Right’ isn’t goal-setting enough she’s also announced she’s ‘very broody’.

Her shopping list includes finding ‘the most attractive, funniest, coolest and confident man in any room’ and although cosmic ordering can have results, the fear is that her very public hunt for a long-term love-match and mating partner could send guys scurrying off in fear.

This kind of exocet-style focus can emerge as signals of either arrogance or desperation.

You could almost imagine someone with this kind of strategy taking measurements and DNA samples before agreeing to the first date.

DO: TAKE IT EASY

Getting back into the dating scene can be a Freddy Kruger-style horror show, but trying to save time and wasted effort by leapfrogging straight to the mating stage will place far too much pressure on your chances of success.

Never look for ‘The One’, just look. Date a few non-Ones because sometimes it’s so much easier (and ego-inflating) to have a few outings with someone who likes you more than you like them.

It’s like going for a job interview that doesn’t matter. Use body language that implies you’re happy to meet people and have fun but without signalling desperation.

The eyes give more signals away than any other part of the body. Before you go out socially or even on a date, try looking in the mirror and launching your ideal eye expression.

Doe-eyes can look too pleading but the more ‘checking you out’-style hard stare will be too daunting.

You need an eye-smile, an expression of fun that suggests you might be happy if you click but not gutted if you don’t.

4.    DON’T: SPRAY YOUR TERRITORY LIKE RITA

Is Rita Ora’s relationship on or off? One minute she seems to have split with Ricky Hill but the next they’re photographed hand in hand using a rather possessive-looking clasp gesture.

Rihanna performed very similar ‘ownership’ rituals with Chris Brown après split and even Gwyneth was spotted caressing Chris’s face while he was with Jennifer Lawrence.

If the relationship really is just on a temporary time-out then stunts like this could be vital for recovery, but when a split is pretty comprehensive there is nothing to be gained by stamping empty ownership via the body language version of spraying your territory to repel other potential partners.

DO: IN THE WORDS OF THE FROZEN SONG: LET IT GO!

Acceptance is the first step in moving forward, and acceptance means saying you are single and acting like it.

Stop thinking for two, i.e. carrying him/her around like an imaginary friend, second-guessing what they would be doing right now or what they would do if they could see what you are doing.

Stop posting selfies online just to get a reaction. Stop dressing up in the hope you will bump into them when you are out or even taking them out on new dates via talking about them non-stop all evening.

Ownership displays are pointless. Why ward other partners off when this person is no longer with you? Think Simon Cowell and his flotilla of ex’s and ask yourself if that’s how you see your role in life. Nope? Then vanish from his/her life and get on with your own.

5.    DON’T: BECOME A SINGLE-PERSON DRIP

Of course it can hurt to launch yourself socially as a perfect whole rather than a half but there’s no need to go on about it or even re-define yourself verbally and visually on a regular basis.

It’s good to have other relationships like friendships, work colleagues and families but expecting them to provide endless support means testing those ties to the limit.

Of course ask for help during your bleakest days, but moaning on a loop about being single is silly and boring.

A moaner will moan whatever, and if you’re moaning now you probably moaned about your ex during the relationship too.

Now is the time to shut up, and going cold turkey on moaning is the best route. Serial moaning is like picking at a scab, it prevents the wound from healing!

DO: HAVE FRIENDS LIKE HUDSON

When Kate Hudson’s four-year engagement hit the skids, she spent time with her best friends while she got over it.

NB: To any smug coupled-off who have ditched their friends to be in love this should act as a warning.

Friends can feel rather aggrieved if you only use them when you are needy!

Even in your most vulnerable state, it’s vital to ensure you’re not using friendships unfairly.

Empathy is vital long-term as although friends with their own problems might be happy to provide instant support, there should be some mutual shoring-up of needs that you might miss if your single status has made you too egocentric.

BODY LANGUAGE TIPS FOR PUTTING OUT POSITIVE SINGLE-STATUS VIBES

•    Don’t wear red. It’s the classic colour of the newly-launched and looks bizarrely attention-seeking and desperate.

•    Do carry the right kind of easy-to-manage bag. When you’re feeling vulnerable it’s easy to start hugging your bag like a teddy bear.

•    Do get your nails done. Nothing says ‘over it’ like a set of sparkling talons.

•    Do drop all the relationship jewellery. Ditch the rings and those tokens you’ve been wearing on a chain round your neck. You’ll fiddle with them, too.

•    Do avoid the wounded dog look. Slumped shoulders, self-hugging with the arms, sad sighs and puppy dog eyes are not the best mating call in the world.

•    Do make great entrances. It’s the prime time for getting noticed and showing who you are. Pull up to full height, pull your shoulders back and down, breathe out and smile!

•    Do avoid newly-single sex behaviour. This means sex with someone you hardly know where you go at it like a rabbit, trying to exorcise your ex. What starts in a basque inevitable ends in tears though. Wait. It will be worth it.

•    Don’t look bitter. There’s a  lot to be said for signals of confidence when it comes to attracting a new partner but the ‘all men/women are bastards’ pitch is rarely a winner in terms of getting a date. Keep angry signals off the menu.

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