Baby Blog: Haven’t Parents Got Enough To Worry About Without Development Milestone Checks Thrown Into The Mix?

My baby can't say "ka".

My baby can't say "ka" when he is supposed to say "ka" and now I feel responsible for the fact that he can't say "ka" when he should be able to say "ka".

I should have breastfed him longer, I should have played him Bach in the womb, I should have done more pregnancy yoga. Then he would be able to say "ka". But as it stands, he can't.

The health visitor reckons this means he ‘isn't meeting his milestones’. Only 10 months old and already he's an underachiever or "developmentally delayed" to put it politely. They say they will have to come back in a couple of months to check if then, he can say "ka".

I don’t know what happens if he still can’t. I suppose at that point it’s on to the scrap heap for him – he’ll lead a life of mediocrity, come last in the sack race, never pass his maths GCSE and it'll all be my fault.

The Nine Month Health And Developmental Review
It all started a couple of weeks ago when we received our ‘Nine Month Development Assessment' appointment in the post – accompanied by a questionnaire longer than my last tax return to fill in detailing all the things he should be able to do.

Before I received the list of supposed milestones, I didn’t even realise quite how many expectations there were. I didn’t expect him to say "ka". He says "ma" and "wah" – but not "ka". But that was fine, who needs ‘ka’ when you have ‘ma’ and ‘wah’?

But now it means that we had to tick the ‘never’ box in the milestones questionnaire, automatically shelving my baby onto the reduced aisle. And now I am worried. Worried that he can’t say "ka".

Checking The Pace
Whatever happened to the "every baby is different?" and "each baby is unique and meets physical milestones at his own pace" school of thought?

That's the mantra forced down our thoughts by health visitors and GPs, the answer to most queries comparing your baby to another.

However, the small print is that there is a time limit and eventually, it will be checked whether that aforementioned pace is quick enough. And if it’s not? They are ‘developmentally delayed’.

Not so unique now, eh?

Every single mother I have spoken to about this subject agrees – milestone checks are awful, bordering on pointless and if we had any reason to be concerned we would know without the assistance of a tick box.

We're worrying about enough stuff round the clock already, we don’t need to be given a list of extras.

Come back to me when he’s six, and if he still can’t say "ka." OK, then we will talk. But for now? Well, I really couldn't give a "ka".

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