Mum Diary: Will I Ever Be Ready For Baby Number Three?

When is the right time to have a third baby? Assuming you want one, of course. Do you want one? Do we?

Because, although my husband and I definitely like the idea of a third child in theory, we can’t quite bring ourselves to try having one, just yet.

We planned to try and get pregnant last year, but kept putting it off in the vague hope that we’d feel more ready the following month; life with a three-year-old, a one-year-old and a puppy is already beyond hectic.

Then we thought we’d try at Christmas, but I couldn’t quite face the thought of being pregnant again. I’m starting to wonder if I ever will.

After all, I've just got my body back into something like its old shape and our boys are old enough to be left with a babysitter for our occasional evenings out.

We might even have a proper holiday this year – on a plane and everything. Not only that, but my career is starting to look up again as I emerge from the sleep-deprived fog of the last four years.

So what do I do? Have baby three as soon as I can and get the whole baby phase over with? Or put it off for a few more years, and hope that my body can still handle pregnancy and that my career won't just vanish down the plughole of another two years of bleary-eyed fug.

I’m self-employed, you see, so there’s no automatic path back to gainful employment.
 
Why Do We Want Three?
I won’t pretend otherwise; a major reason for wanting a third child is to have one more chance at a baby girl. I’ll be undeniably sad if I never get to raise a daughter, although I am lucky to have many clever and sweet nieces.

But that’s not the whole reason; we definitely want a third child regardless of whether it’s the daughter we don’t have or another lovely son. I’ve always wanted a large family – in fact I used to want four children before I realised that pregnancy involves much less magic and much more heartburn.

I want at least three children, so we can have chaotic family weekends and Christmas mornings where we all pile into one bed to open stockings. I want a gang of kids, with too many shoes in the hall and more bikes than we can fit in the garage.

Babies = Less Fun Than Toddlers
Another issue (and I feel I should whisper this) is that I am not a massive fan of babies. No, don’t get me wrong – I loved my own babies. With both my boys I sat up all night after they were born watching them sleep and marvelling at their perfect ears, their rosebud mouths and the sheer instinctive intensity of my protective feelings for them.

But… babies don’t do a lot.

I find that first six weeks before they crack a smile pretty demoralising, not to mention the months of no sleep and cracked nipples (TMI? I’ve really lost my brain-to-mouth filter since motherhood).

Harry and Olly have come through that now. They sleep at night, they can eat without getting it on the backs of their necks, and they (almost) never poo on the rug. Life is pretty good – although, as you can see, my standards are quite low.

And a small part of me whispers that if we don’t have this baby soon, we’ll never have it. We’ll be lulled into a life where unbroken sleep is normal, and where we can go to restaurants and no one throws food. We might decide we can’t go back to the baby chaos.

But what if we do leave it a few years and then have a baby, we’ll be right back to square one, and it could stop us having the adventures I’m dreaming of – going camping and horse trekking and travelling.

Taking Nothing For Granted
Don’t think from reading this that I take it for granted that I could have a third baby as easily as my first two. I have seen too many friends battling infertility and secondary infertility, and my husband and I don’t assume that we can have a baby simply because we want one.

But we were remarkably lucky conceiving both our boys; falling pregnant pretty much as soon as we wanted. I remember when I was first pregnant a colleague asking how long we’d had to try and then choking on his tea when I admitted, “About 40 minutes.”

And right there is another reason to have BN3 sooner rather than later. I’m in my 30s now, and I can’t take it for granted that my body will pop babies out as easily as it has done. Realistically I’ve probably got another 10 years or more, but I’ve read enough scaremongering news stories filled with phrases like ‘fertility cliffs’ to start getting worried.

In short… I don’t know. My mother is fond of saying ‘there’s never a good time to have a baby’. That’s as true for our hypothetical third baby as it was for our first.

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How did you plan your family? Share your experience in the comments below.