Gwyneth Paltrow Might Be 'Consciously Uncoupling' But She Can't Have The Perfect Divorce

Not only is ‘conscious uncoupling’ the worst euphemism for splitting up I’ve ever heard, it seems like it’s Gwyneth’s way of turning her one failure into a positive.

Gwyneth lives on Planet Perfect. Everything about how she maintains her looks, her diet, her website – her appeal to her fans is that everything is wonderful in her world, to the point of obsession. People need to want to be her. But now suddenly she’s got a suggestion of failure, for her brand, she needs to spin this into something less than a horrific heartbreak.

Unlike the rest of us who fight over teaspoons and unwanted wedding presents, even Gwyn and Chris’ divorce is going to be perfect. But there’s no such thing.

The perfect divorce is impossible, it’s a lie.

You have to ask how in denial are these two? As they issue this sickly joint statement on goop.com and post an adorable photo of themselves, are they just pretending they’re totally fine and friends? Or are they suppressing their own emotional input?

Most people find it deeply unfeasible to stay friends. They were photographed recently looking very much in love and it looks like that’s how they’re going to be during the split. It goes beyond an enviable lifestyle into something that makes people feel quite ill. It’s like she’s trying to see her own life through rose tinted glasses as well, which is quite worrying.

One reason this overbearing happiness is beneficial is when it comes to the kids, Apple and Moses. It genuinely pays off to hide the bitterness and feuding from the kids. There’s this myth that kids are resilient and they forget about the horrors of divorce but they don’t. I deal with people who are into late middle age and are still bearing the scars from their parents’ bitter splits. In that respect, the couple should be applauded. 

Gwyneth’s perfection has become something of a turn off for the general public but this was a chance for us to really see her human side. What we all want to see is her stepping out with dodgy roots, getting drunk with her mates, maybe even scoffing a calorific burger! We would have all felt for her and empathised with her.

But how she’s dealt with it so far, trying to create the perfect divorce is not going to make her more likeable any time soon. By making your own life look perfect it demeans other people’s lifestyle. What does that say, if she goes through this perfect, harmonious split while the rest of us have awful messy rows and painful divorces?

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[Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin split after 11 years of marriage]

Gwyn’s constant obsession with presenting this perfect image had to be stressful on the relationship. You get the feeling that she’s like that 24/7 and most blokes would struggle to put up with that. When her and Chris first got married, she totally embraced the British lifestyle, was very low key and it seemed to work. Morphing into each other is common at the start of a relationship but people tend to go back to who they were before. The perfect Hollywood macrobiotic side to Gwyneth reemerged recently and that might not be what Chris married. 

Usually, if there has been any emotion in the relationship, there is deep trauma and hurt. The level of indifference that you have to go through to breeze through a divorce and ‘stay friends’ is immense.

These days people don’t give up on marriages so easily. Years ago, if someone had an affair, for example, that would be the end of it. But now people work through a lot of stuff. So the tipping point, where you do make that decision to split, is usually hideous.

There are rows, there is hurt, people decide to split. Then the lawyers get involved and it gets even worse. Once they’ve had a chance to calm down, people often regroup to come to some kind of amicable arrangement for the benefit of their children. But even that is rare.

To be that genuinely happy as you announce the split you would have to not care about the other person. The level of indifference would have to be so acute. Even in a non-sexual relationship, if your flat mate says they’re moving out you feel betrayed and hurt.

That’s why it feels like this ‘consciously uncoupling’ notion is just an act; otherwise the relationship would have had to be massively lukewarm for a very long time.
 
With the rumours of Gwyneth’s infidelity still doing the rounds, if she does plan on moving on she should do it quickly.

If she wants to cling to her perfect brand, she needs to create a new perfect with someone else and the sooner they reestablish that normal relationship the better. In real life, of course that wouldn’t work.