Weddings: The 20 Most Stressful Things (You Have Been Warned)

Apparently 60 per cent of brides choose aspects of their ‘big day’ just to make them better than their friends. What a miserable lot we are.

Almost half of us (according to a study) are ‘fiercely competitive’ (their words, not mine) when it comes to wedding planning - and one-upmanship is the name of the game.

I’m starting to feel lucky that within my group of friends I’m fairly early to be getting married, so I don’t have too many yardsticks to measure my event against (though the ones so far have been have been pretty bloody brilliant and unattainable on my budget), but I can completely see why you start to feel you have to better your mates’ weddings.

When I started wedding planning I genuinely didn’t care what anyone thought. I was going to do it my way. Stupid in-joke details, a green dress, hand made everything, no rules.

But slowly expectation from others sucks you in, and attending weddings in the interim you end up doing the awful thing of taking notes about what you would do - and of what you definitely wouldn’t.

Even though I just want my wedding to be a bit original and genuine to us and our relationship, there’s definitely a competitive edge. I went to an amazing wedding of a friend earlier this year and got into a bit of a panic when I thought ‘I can’t rival this!’, even though rival it I do not have to do.

It’s no wonder we’re all so flipping stressed about the whole thing.

So I was quite interested in a study by gettingpersonal.co.uk, which recorded the top stressors for brides.

They are:
·         Unwanted wedding guests
·         Bridesmaids complaining about dresses
·         Negative comments about bride’s choices
·         Family politics due to step-parents
·         Mother-in-law taking over
·         Complaints about the seating plan
·         Not enough help planning the wedding
·         A disappointing hen-do
·         A misbehaving best-man
·         Photos being tagged on Facebook
·         The bridesmaids putting on weight
·         Pressure to look great in the dress
·         Stories from the stag-do
·         Looking her best in professional photographs
·         Choosing food everyone will like
·         Bad weather
·         Bridesmaid outshining the bride
·         Too many children coming to the wedding
·         Wanting a better wedding than a friend’s
·         Not wanting guests to get bored

Now I’m not stressed at all at the moment, but I’m a good eight months away from the Big Day and judging by what I’ve seen my friends go through, there’s a lot left to come.

And looking at the list, some of it’s fairly true to form.

The guestlist – and inviting people because you feel obligated – is a big deal, and so difficult to organise. Worries about the bridesmaids not liking their dresses are true. Though mine are lovely and I’m not sure they’re make a fuss. Though obvs I would never choose anything that was horrible…!

And I do want to choose food everyone will like. But if people are too fussy they can get lost.

There are some horribly superficial worries on the list. I couldn’t give a fig if my bridesmaids put on weight, for example, they’re gorgeous whatever.

But there are plenty of genuine worries too. Family politics is never going to be easy. Every family has its issues. And however much you try to avoid it, there is a crazy pressure to look amazing (and slim) in your dress.

Apparently a tenth of brides would be ‘livid’ if their friend picked the same wedding dress as them.

Frankly, I couldn’t care less, as long as it looks nice on me; but things like social media and wedding blogs do make us feel we have to up our game. No one wants their estranged school friends on Facebook looking at the wedding pictures and thinking ‘oh dear’, now, do they?

Frankly all of this just shows how much pressure is put on brides (not grooms!) during weddings. Much of it to do with appearance, and much of it to do with organisation.

So if you are getting married I would deplore you to make the wedding not about how you look but about who you re. It’s about the vows, the speeches, the commitment, the music, the food, the love – not the look.

It’s basically impossible not to want to look amazing, and feel the pressure, but presumably your fiancé things you look hot in your PJs with hair askew and no make-up on. He’s going to think you look incredible whatever you weight or however long you spend on your make-up.

And I recommend my new favourite tactic if you’re wedding planning. It’s a simple question you need to ask yourself whenever faced with a decision: “Will I remember this in six months?’ If the answer is no, don’t sweat it. So far this has let of off the hook on the tables, chairs, napkins, many of the decorations and issues that are so small you feel trapped by the decision but ultimately the outcome doesn’t matter. Un-paralyze yourself and take the easy route out.

Going back to the research, a third of brides reckon details of their weddings have been copied by their friends. But frankly, I intend to copy the good bits of all the weddings I’ve been to. And I’ve told the originators. They’re taking it as a compliment.

If someone copies your dress, your flowers, your Champagne-in-teacups or your bunting, does it really matter? It doesn’t make yours any less special.

Ultimately, no wedding is going to be like ours because it’s mine and Adam’s. It’s original in at least one aspect. Anything else is a bonus.

[Wedding blog: I WILL have a feminist wedding]
[Wedding blog: Planning - It's not all bad!]