I’ve already become a wedding bore

The wedding is almost exactly a year away. Yep, we pulled our finger out got a date and a venue to boot. And now I can’t stop talking about it.

After swearing I wouldn’t be Bridezilla, wouldn’t get obsessed and definitely wouldn’t talk about it to anyone – let alone everyone – I have become the very thing I hate. A wedding bore.

It’s hard not to. I love a good project. I’m one of those people whose life almost entirely consists of making other plans and this is the plan to end all plans. It makes the stationery-loving, spreadsheet bothering, crafty side of my personality do back flips of excitement.

Calligraphy? Hell yeah! An excel timeline of the day? Bring it on! Practice cake baking? All over it.

I might already have the Spreadsheets of Doom and Joy to play with, but really I actually cannot wait to play with the seating plans, decorations, invitations and place settings - even though I know these words will come back to haunt me.

And it’s just too damn early to worry about all of this stuff.

[Are all these wedding grooming ideas REALLY necessary?]
[Should I change my name when I marry?]

If I haven’t seen someone for a while I just launch into wedding chat. I instantly assume they’re probably going to want to know the ins and outs of how I chose that particular type of drinking straw. The glazed look in their eye would suggest not.

I let loose on everything from the colour of the suits to who’s going to do the wedding speeches. If pressed I can go in depth into the type of cutlery, the shoes I’m changing into for dancing, the amount of Champagne we’re planning to booze cruise home ahead of time and the logistics of the taxis home.

The only thing I can’t discuss is the wedding dress. Still no idea. And for everyone who has to spend time with me, that’s probably a good thing. Wait until I’m unleashed on that too.

I’m not sure why this has happened. Is this a wedding rule that has to happen to all brides? It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I was going to be The Coolest Bride.

I was going to act like it wasn’t happening, remain cool, calm and collected, buy a dress that fits rather than try and lose half my body weigt and then turn up and have the best wedding ever. All these great intentions. It's like trying to look perfectly natural free. It takes a lot of time and make-up to actually acheive.

Contrary to popular perception, most girls do not spend their childhood and early adult life planning their wedding – and I certainly didn’t. So it’s not like suddenly all my dreams are coming true. Even after getting engaged I didn’t fall into the wedding planning trap.

But now I’ve got my date, my venue and some ideas it’s all I can think about. I find myself worrying about what nail varnish I’m going to wear and how involved my brother would like to be on the day. And then emailing him out of the blue to get his take on my decoration choices (he approves).

Add this to the obsessing I’m doing about whether to change my name or not and there’s not a lot of time in my life for anything else at the moment. My hobbies are falling by the wayside, my friends are starting to avoid me and I’m developing RSI from re-pinning beautifully filtered images framed in a soft light.

So please, could someone stage an intervention? I have better things to do than worry about than a day a year from now in such obsessive detail. Give me a five-minute limit and then just give me a slap. Thanks.