Should you date more than one person at a time?
Dear Lady and The Scamp,
I'm interested in two girls but neither of them knows my feelings. One I work with but I'm worried that if I ask her out it could become difficult at work, especially as my relationships are not always the smoothest. The other is a Facebook friend I don't really know that well - although we have mutual friends. Have you any advice on how to approach these girls in their separate ways?
Jay
Christine says:
No. I don't have any advice on how to approach these girls in their separate ways, because most girls won't like to be involved in your insulting spread-betting tactics. In fact, I'm not even giving your email my full attention as I have several other emails that I'm reading at the same time. Does that make you feel special? No? Good. Here's a thought - pick one. Just pick the one you like most, and ask her to go for a drink with you. If she turns you down, then and only then, should you turn your attention to the other one. Girls like to feel important, as though they have been singled out for their beauty and uniqueness and if she finds out you've already got another woman stashed out the back for emergencies you will look incredibly insincere.
It's a classic no-no that most women have experienced at some point while on a night out: a man spots a woman from across the room, approaches her and tries to chat her up. She isn't interested and rebuffs him, so he then turns immediately to her mate and goes, 'So…what about you then?' For all the men that don't realise, this is guaranteed to make both women hate you. In fact, this 'either will do' attitude of yours is probably why your relationships aren't always 'the smoothest'. Try going fishing with one line at a time, my friend, and not with a trawler net.
Kevin says:
Christine, you're being naïve. You really think single men have eyes for only one woman? There's a word for that: stalker. It's sensible - and healthy - for a man to have multiple targets.
It's like when a football manager draws up a shortlist of strikers he's interested in, even if he only plans on buying one. It's a safety net. He might not get his number one man, but he'll at least get a player with two working feet and a head. And it's the same with girls. You need options, and you need one with a head.
Let's do the easy one first, the 'Facebook friend'. As you barely know her, it puts you currently in the realm of 'online menace'. But you do have mutual friends, so use them. Find out if there's an event you are both invited to and go to it. Then you have an excuse to speak to her.
If this opportunity doesn't present itself, just send her a friendly message, or even a poke. If she's remotely interested, she'll respond. If she doesn't, let it go. You've lost nothing.
The work one is trickier. And it could be iffy to make a move unless you've got some decent evidence she covets your nuts. I suggest getting her down the pub in a group situation, like a leaving do, then corner her and work your magic. Casually suggest a date. If she laughs in your face, copy her and pretend it was a joke. Then let it go, you've lost nothing.
Just prepare yourself for the possibility that neither of these girls wants to have sex with you, ever. If that's the case, move on. The worst thing you can do is start getting infatuated with a couple of chicks who barely even know you exist. I add this disclaimer because I'm slightly alarmed - and also intrigued - about your relationships being 'not always the smoothest'. But it's OK, I won't ask.
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