Dear Lady and The Scamp,

I was seeing a girl for about four months but then she decided to wanted to take it back a bit - so we still meet up occasionally but just as friends hooking up. I want it to be more but I'm concerned that we've fallen into the 'friend zone'. I've confronted her but she said she's not ready for anything more than friends hooking up. Should I move on?

Mike

Kevin says:

I don't think your problem is being in the 'friend zone'. It's more about being in the "I don't want to go out with you" zone. If you tell someone you want to be their boyfriend and they say "no, thanks" then that doesn't leave you much room for manoeuvre. You're using this 'friend zone' business as an excuse to deflect from the possibly upsetting truth: It's Over. Yes, sorry. Go on, have a cry. You'll feel better about it afterwards.

And anyway, you're not even in the 'friend zone' because you're still hooking up. Do you snog all your friends? I certainly don't, unless they're asleep.

The 'friend

Me and my boyfriend are extremely close, or so I thought until this weekend when I came across a programme he had recorded. It was a 40+ porn show, I burst into tears and couldn't bring myself to speak to him for the entire day. I'm 26 and he is 34, although I know he is into older women. I am open to anything fantasy wise and I don't know if I'm more horrified by him not trusting me enough to tell me or the fact he finds grannies attractive. The lady on the programme was without a doubt over 55. Please help me as I'm seriously thinking about ending this relationship, or do you think I'm overreacting?
Anon

Kevin says

I have on occasion accidentally stumbled upon these "porn shows" you mention. And one thing about the genre that never fails to surprise me is the breadth of humanity's sexual fetishes. There is seemingly not a thing on earth that doesn't make someone out there horny. Be it older women, younger women, uniforms, feet... at this point I will employ the comic device of

Dear Lady and The Scamp,

My boyfriend is the most perfect guy I've ever met, I love him so much. But I'm ashamed to admit I've started really fancying another guy who I'm friends with. There's no way I would ever cheat on my boyfriend, but I can't stop thinking about this other guy. To be honest, if I hadn't met my current boyfriend he'd be exactly what I'm looking for in a partner. I don't love him and I know it's just a crush but I can't stop it. It's unforgivable to want someone else like this. Should I avoid him even though we're great friends, or tell my boyfriend and deal with the consequences?
Yours,

Ashamed and Confused

Kevin says:

Alas, you can't stop yourself fancying someone. I found this out to my cost when I developed an irrational crush on Eamonn Holmes aged 14 (I was 14, not him). There was something about the cheeky glint in his eye, his screen presence, those muscles. I guess they call it 'star quality'. I was bewitched, even though I'm as heterosexual as John Terry.

Dear Lady and The Scamp,

I recently convinced my ex bf to go on a date with one of my best friends out of guilt, as I was seeing other people and he wasn't. Turns out they hit it off immediately and now they're together. Before we used to talk about everything but recently all we do is argue and I feel so angry he got with my friend. My friend sleeps around a bit and isn't really right for him. I have told him this but he doesn't seem to mind. This is really getting me down as I feel betrayed and that I have lost a really good friend in my ex. What do I do?

Jess

Kevin says:

I can't help feeling you might be partially responsible for this pickle. In the same way that, for instance, a man who downs 15 Jägerbombs is partially responsible for walking into a lamppost on his way home from the pub. And your protests now ring as hollow as his the next morning, when he blames the inventor of Jägerbombs (I think it was Eammon Holmes) for his hangover.

You set them up! And it's now clear you

Dear Lady and the Scamp,
I have been on two outings with a young, carefree girl from uni who is 10 years younger than me (I'm 30). First we went just for a coffee. She laughed at all my jokes and agreed with everything I said, she even invited me to do some meditation together. After our second outing, we became Facebook friends and to my surprise, she posted pictures of her kissing lots of men. She might have some other admirers and who are younger and fitter than me (I am fat but humorous, joyful and sociable) but I'm too old for games. How do I tell her I like her? And how can I tell if she really likes me?
Eddie

Kevin says:

Well it's no surprise she agreed to a second "outing" after you wooed her with your humour, joy and sociability, but maybe this means she just likes you as a friend. Think about it: you're fat and in your thirties, whereas she is a carefree minx with dudes queuing up to give her a snog.

But I could be wrong. Were they actually dates that you went on, or just

Dear Lady and the Scamp,

My girlfriend recently dumped me about something so trivial. But now she is very annoyed because a week and a half later, I started going out with my best friend. She claims my feelings for her therefore must have been fake, when honestly they weren't. She then apologized and says she wants to get back together. So do I stay with the girl whom I am best friends with and genuinely like, or go back to the ex who broke my heart?
Predicament Jack

Kevin says:

It appears you have unwittingly stumbled upon the best way to get your ex back: go out with someone else. And you've done it with panache... one and a half weeks?! You are a ruthless man, Predicament Jack. Rather than moping and listening to The Smiths or Boyz II Men or whatever your break-up soundtrack of choice is, you have gone out and got a new lover and sent your ex wild with jealousy.

But just because she's vexed, doesn't mean she really wants you back. You must know how this works. It's like if you give

Dear Lady and the Scamp,

I am in my mid 20s so have had my fair share of dates and girlfriends, but I have been living with a fetish for wearing Lycra since I was about 12. I have no idea why I have it but I have a lot of outfits like shiny leggings and catsuits and love wearing them whenever I can. I've only ever told one ex girlfriend about this and though we stayed together a while, she didn't like it and it was pretty bad for the relationship. I've started dating a girl in the last few months and things are going really well but I feel I need to tell her about the real me, which is that I'm a guy who loves wearing Lycra. How and when should I do this to help her understand and accept this part of my life, or should I always keep it as my secret?
Brett

Kevin says:

Well Brett, we all have our little foibles that we may omit to mention to our partners - for example, I'm quite a big fan of the pop group Wham! but I don't normally announce it on dates. However, I'm not sure you can

Dear Lady and the Scamp,

I'm friends with a guy from uni and on a recent night out we ended up kissing. The next day I told him I liked him but he got uncomfortable and mumbled something about blaming it on the drink and not being "into the seeing people thing". Now I'm confused about where I stand. I'm happy to be just friends, but how do I get some closure and find out if he really isn't "into the seeing people thing" or just trying to save my feelings?
R

Kevin says:

We often snog people when we're drunk that we wouldn't snog sober. Swathes of the population rely on this rule for their entire romantic existence. There are people who have only have ever snogged drunk. And I'll tell you this: not many of those liaisons led to a relationship.

There are two types of drunken snog: the one with the person you fancy but were too shy to approach sober OR the one with the person you didn't fancy, until you were drunk. Unfortunately, in this case it looks like you're coming from opposite