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    The Date Doctors
    • There's a sleazy guy on the train who is always trying to chat me up, and to change the subject I told him about a charity marathon I'm doing. Then he went and sponsored me £40, which is more than anyone else has! I am now concerned he will try to emotionally blackmail me into going on a date. I really don't want to go but I'm weak and terrible in socially awkward situations. How do I get out of this?

      Anne

      Do you come here often...?

      Kevin says:

      I think you're being a bit pessimistic about his intentions. Just because he's sleazy doesn't preclude him from being charitable — just look at Jimmy Savile. Maybe your train stalker is a fellow marathon devotee, or simply a generous chap.

      Even if he does have an ulterior motive, this doesn't mean you have to go on a date with him. It's like me telling Kylie Minogue she has to cuddle me because I bought all her albums (this is just an example - obviously I haven't bought all Kylie's albums, her recent stuff I find impenetrable).

      Plus, there are plenty of ways you can

      Read More »from How to turn down a date
    • Finding you ex on Facebook is one thing...restarting the affair is quite anotherRecently an old friend of mine started flirting on Facebook. Both of us are married with kids (although I am separated from my husband) but it quickly escalated to flirty texts and the odd phone call... and finally we spent the night together. Not long after, he made it clear he wasn't going to let it go any further.  I agreed but then last week he suggested we meet up again. The thing is, I really do like him. How do I handle the situation without risking us falling out again?

      Christine says...

      Ah Facebook, it's got a lot to answer for. It's not just used for looking up old acquaintances and going 'ooh they've got fat'. It's also for looking up old acquaintances and going 'ooh I've always quite fancied them, I wonder if they're up for a secret fumble behind my wife's back?'.

      I think it's pretty obvious what he wants and it's not just a chat about the old days. He wants a bit of titillation away from his marriage, bored of conversations about packed lunches and whose turn it is to

      Read More »from Facebook exes – when poking isn’t enough
    • 'Well this is awkward...' It is now!I went on a couple of dates with a girl and then we slept together. It was good, but once was enough for me so I haven't been in touch since. She just sent a text saying: "Well this is awkward...". I feel weird because we actually got on well. Maybe I could do a casual thing but she would just get more attached if we carry on. What do I do?!

      Ralf
      Kevin says...

      Well if it wasn't awkward before, it certainly is now she's sent that message. The way I see it you have four options:
      1)      Tell her the truth, namely that you are no longer interested in having sex with her because you don't like her sufficiently.

      2)      Tell a slightly different version of the truth, which is that you don't consider her girlfriend material but you could probably provide some casual sex if she fancies it.

      3)      Ignore her, so as to not upset her by telling the truth (above).

      4)      Make up an elaborate lie, such as that you had an accident and are now just a head in a jar, and as such not interested

      Read More »from Casual sex – is it OK if she wants more?
    • How do you know if your first date is as good as you think?Recently I've had some great first dates but have struggled to find the right way to end them. Each time the girl says how much she enjoyed herself and how she'd like to see me again. I smile, lean in and either hug or kiss her. Yet when I try to arrange a follow-up date I never hear from them again. At all. Why do girls indicate interest if it was all a lie?

      Sad and confused

      Kevin says....

      Oh dear. This does sound annoying and I attribute it mainly to the British obsession with politeness. These girls thought it would be frightfully rude to give an honest appraisal of the date/you (e.g. it/you were rubbish), so they tell a little white lie.

      It is possible that you are doing the damage at the end with your "smile, lean in and hug/kiss" manoeuvre, but only if you smell funny close-up or you are doing something weird, like making a sexual groaning noise or licking their face? The more likely explanation is that they made up their mind about you long before the farewell embrace, and

      Read More »from Am I a first date failure?
    • Dear Lady and the Scamp,

      I have split up with my girlfriend of three years and it was quite amicable, so I'm wondering if we can continue sleeping together while we look for someone else? But I'm not sure how to broach it. We won't be hurting anyone just by continuing the physical side for a bit, will we? She's not 'the one', but I do miss the sex.

      Alex

      Kevin says:

      It's a nice little idea on paper, but so was Jimmy Carr's tax avoidance scheme. In reality, it could be a regrettable episode that leaves all concerned feeling silly and grubby, like Jimmy Carr's tax avoidance scheme.

      I think the only way this can work is if you draw up official rules of engagement for both parties to follow. A bit like a marriage, or a 'sex marriage'. Then your ex can't complain when, for example, she finds out you went on an online date three hours after you polished off her Crunchy Nut Cornflakes following an overnight visit.

      But even if you find a workable solution that allows you to stay single while

      Read More »from Should you get back together with an ex?

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