7 Steps To Getting Confident In The Bedroom

Repeated surveys show far too many women lack bedroom confidence. Instead of feeling great about sex, they feel shy and inhibited. Many give up thinking: 'I don’t know how to get the sex I want, so what’s the point?'

Unfortunately, lack of bedroom confidence often has the spin-off effect of a lack of desire. With a recent survey by nutritional supplement Lady Prelox finding a staggering 80 per cent of women lose desire at some point, this is serious.

It’s time to shake things up and find your sexual confidence.

Let’s get you back on track so you can feeling good enough – and more – in the bedroom.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 1: Know thyself

There's no room for shyness if you’re going to boost your bedroom confidence. Far too many lack it because they just don’t know how their bodies tick.

It’s crucial you discover what feels fantastic and what turns you off. Self-pleasure is the way to go, so treat yourself to a lovely bubble bath where you can relax and have some ‘me-time’ of a different type!

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 2: Share the pleasure

Take this knowledge about how your body works – the pressure and speed of touch that makes you feel good - into a situation with your partner. Guide their hands to the places you’ve discovered are your favourite.

Cup their hand in yours and take control – move their hand and fingertips back and forth, or around and around, across your pleasure zones. They’ll get the message about the sort of the touch you like and then they can recreate those moves.

Ditto if they’re kissing your breasts or giving you oral pleasure by moving further down your body. Take their fingertip and gently lick and kiss it showing them the type of oral sex you’d like.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 3: Talk yourself up

Nothing keeps you locked into a lack of confidence more than the messages you give yourself. 'I’m not good in bed,' 'I never know what to do with a partner,' 'I’m never going to be sexy,' are all classic negative messages people tell themselves.

Of course when you keep repeating these messages to yourself, you squash your confidence, ruining your ability to find your ‘inner-vixen’. Get mindful about what you tell yourself. Challenge such negative thinking. Replace it with thoughts like 'I can relax and let go in the bedroom,' 'I’ll enjoy myself the next time I have sex,' etc.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 4: Toy-joy

Sales of sex toys have greatly increased, but many still feel embarrassed to buy them. Not only do reputable adult retailers like Ann Summers offer online sales, but so many adult high-street shops are user-friendly.

The joy of sex toys can’t be underestimated. Not only do they help you discover new sensations, but you can get frisky with them AND your partner… leading to hours of teasing and pleasing each other.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 5: It’s not about keeping up with the Joneses

Believing that everyone’s having better sex than you will knock the wind out of your bedroom confidence. So many people confide in me that their best friend or work colleagues seem to have such exciting sex lives - when theirs is a big zero.

Scratch that thought. Not only do people fib that they’re swinging from the chandeliers, but you should never ever make those sorts of comparisons anyway. What turns you on will turn your best friend off – and vice versa. Who cares what other people are doing? Keep focused on your own sex life.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 6: Fun and games 

Never forget that sex should be fun. It’s easy to get all-too-serious about it when you worry you’ll never have a good sex life. Instead, get a bit frisky with a partner – flirt with them, try a little phone-sex describing the gorgeous knickers you’re wearing.

Turn discovering what each other likes into a little game. Take control, tell him to try different ways of touching and kissing you and all you’re going to do is say ‘yes’ when you like something. Then swap over, he lies back and simply says ‘yes’ when you’re hitting the right pleasure zones.

Bedroom Confidence Booster No. 7: Do it your way

With something like 60 per cent of women finding it hard to climax regularly during penetrative sex, it can be very demoralising. It doesn’t have to be that way.

There is no law that says the best sex is full penetration. Increasingly, couples are discovering that many women are more likely to climax through oral sex. Some women climax only when they’re on top. Other women climax only with sex toys.

So the only ‘right way’ is doing it your way.

Follow Dr Pam Spurr, sex, relationships and self-help expert on Twitter @drpamspurr and check out her book The Emotional Eater’s Diet.

Dr Pam is also online at www.drpam.co.uk.

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