Simon Cowell and baby Eric, Katie Hopkins has some parenting tips for you

Pictures of Simon Cowell cuddling his new born son are strangely touching.

It turns out; the man who loves himself above all others and has dashed the dreams of hundreds of X-Factor contestants actually has a heart and is prepared to share it.

What’s more, as a celebrity Dad - Simon has given his son a sensible sounding name. Eric. It might not set the world on fire but at least you can yell it across the playground. Unlike Kanye who will always sound like he is shouting for directions.

Simon has a difficult road to navigate over the next few weeks so I have prepared an insider’s guide:

1)    Never wear your baby

Despite your obsession with male grooming Simon, you have a curious machismo. The man-hair spilling out over your sweater has something to do with it.

Wearing your baby will destroy your manliness fast. Babies are not a man bag - you are not accessorising.

Women wearing babies is bad enough. We all know the type – binding her babies to her enormous boobs with 400 metres of Indian print cloth.

For god’s sake leave it to the earth mothers. Or you will end up looking a bit like Chris Martin from Coldplay - strangely henpecked and in need of red meat.

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2) Encourage Lauren to breast feed

The mammary militia love to chant ‘breast is best’. You should encourage Lauren to take heed.

I was wise to this lark and performed a cunning combo of daytime breast and night-time bottle.

Bottles mark the transition between Lauren looking like an extra from Shaun of the Dead and you taking on the night-time feeds.

I bottle-fed so that my husband could do the night shifts whilst I got some sneaky shut eye.
The longer she breast feeds - the more sleep you will get.

3) Prepare to talk baby

Having a baby is like wearing a t-shirt saying TALK TO ME – in an ultra accessible language of nappies, bottles and birth stories. Everyone will want to give you their advice.

Sinitta will be the worst offender. Lauren will hate her for it. Oprah Winfrey will want to be godmother. Tell them both to shove it.

At some point you will wonder if you ever had a life before Eric or whether your multi-billion pound media empire ever caught anyone's eye.

4) The Baby Blues

Childbirth is the pinnacle of many women’s lives. Centre stage at the maternity unit, they are also centre of attention.

Now there is a cute little baby that everyone wants to cuddle, women can get a bit peeved realising they are no longer in the spotlight and their belly is where their bum used to be.

Baby weight is not so cute after the baby is born. Lily Allen is a good example. She said she prefers to spend time with her baby rather than exercising.

This may well be the case for Lauren too. So hide the Hobnobs. The correct answer to ‘does my bum look big in this?’ is No. Unless you are Kanye – then you are stuffed either way.
   
Good luck on your journey into fatherhood Simon. People will tell you it will get easier soon. As a mother of three under ten – I promise you they are lying.