Mum Diary: Why are we so critical of other mums?

A news story caught my eye this week. It wasn't a particularly important story; just the Duchess of Cambridge holding the young Prince George, but I love baby photos so I had a look.

What really caught my eye though were the comments beneath the article. Hundreds of people had taken the time to criticise how the princess was holding her own baby. “Why’s she carrying the air (sic) to the throne like a sack of potatoes?!” demanded one reader.

“He’s wearing a hat in this picture, but I’ve seen one where it was cold and his head was uncovered!” thundered another.

Now clearly there is no child less likely to be neglected or treated badly than this royal baby. Even if Kate didn’t have a clue or care what she was doing, she’s surrounded by people who can help. Also, I can’t help but think that an intelligent woman in her thirties with plenty of parental support is very likely to be an excellent parent.

But the comments on the story were vicious and they got me thinking. From Kate to Kim Kardashian, from princesses to plebs like me, society is hyper-critical of mothers.

Some are too old, some are too young. Some have too many children while some are selfish for only having one. Some abandon their children to go back to work but others stay at home and are castigated for being lazy.

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Pretty much all the decisions a mother makes, as well as a number of things entirely beyond her control, are judged by someone. And it’s not just celebrity parents either, how often do people tut at the mother of a crying baby or tantrum-ing toddler?

I can sort of see why it happens. It’s because all of us want what’s best for children, they literally are our future. They will become the teenagers who are either mugging grannies or playing wholesome sports. They will become the adults who either drop out of work or pay the taxes that fund our pensions. More importantly, they are among the most vulnerable in society and so we all have a duty to protect them.

It’s this sense of duty and interest that meant strangers used to touch my bump when I was pregnant. It’s this sense of duty and interest that causes hundreds of volunteers to search for a missing child. But unfortunately, it’s also this sense of duty and interest that means everybody is willing to pass judgement on perfectly-adequate parents – and especially mothers.

Perhaps the most vicious critics are other mothers. Furious debates rage between mothers about breast versus bottle, Gina Ford versus attachment parenting, gender-neutral toys, and even whether it’s best to wean with a spoon.

My theory on why we can be so judgmental is that we all want to do the very best for our own children. Therefore, if we see another mother doing something different then it’s easy to think she’s not doing it right. Worse, there’s maybe even a fear that the mother doing it differently is also judging us because she thinks she’s got it right. So we get angry and shout loudly.

Take discipline, for example. I know many mothers who swear by the naughty step – they say it is a non-physical repercussion that gives them some space to calm down too. Yet I know other mothers who are so opposed to the naughty step that they refer to it as child abuse.

But all I see are well-meaning mothers who passionately want what’s best for their children – it seems to me that they have more in common than that one disagreement.

I think we need to give mothers a break. Whether it’s a mum on a bus with a stroppy toddler or a duchess alighting from a plane with a nationally-recognised baby, the vast majority are doing a perfectly adequate job – even if you would do it differently. We all want what’s best for children but we need to remember that in 99 out of 100 cases, so do their mothers.

What do you think? Are we too critical of Kate and other celebrity mothers? Or do we just want what’s best for the children? Have your say in the comments below.