Mum Diary: How many babies should one mum have?

This week, I have been Very Busy and Important. Well, that might be a slight exaggeration, but certainly busier and importantier than normal – which is admittedly not that hard.

In fact, I had to go to London overnight for work, meaning I left my children with my mother. That might sound terribly commonplace to you, but it was a very big deal to me as it was the first time I have ever left my children overnight.

The only time I’ve ever not slept under the same roof as my toddler Harry was when I was giving birth to Baby Olly – and even then I was only gone a few hours (and I certainly wasn’t sleeping!).

So it felt like a very big deal, and I was very quiet and sad as the train pulled away. Well, very quiet and sad right up to the point where I bought a newspaper and a hot drink, neither of which are safe to brandish around toddlers.

The following day I woke up earlier than I needed to so I could get back to the boys. When I walked through the door they both stopped what they were doing and beamed. Harry was chanting: “Mummy’s home! It’s Mummy! Mummy is here!” and Olly started making a delighted yowling noise like an over-excited kitten.

It was very apparent that there is no one the boys would rather see walk through the door than me or their father. No purple dinosaur or Father Christmas or rock star or sweet seller can compare to the delight and excitement a toddler feels when they see a parent who’s been away. I sat down on the floor and both boys flung themselves on me, talking or jabbering away, inexplicably kissing my ear and clinging to me fiercely as if I might be about to vanish again.  

“Mummy, I missed you!” declared Harry, in a slightly accusatory tone. My eyes welled up a bit and I clung to them too and we all spent a few minutes in a big pile on the floor. It was lovely until Olly got slightly overexcited and bit Harry’s foot.

[Mum Diary: Why table manners don't matter]
[Mum Diary: Am I over-stimulating my toddler?]

But after that mayhem, as I made a cup of tea, I felt a sudden panic tighten my chest. I realised that I am only this important to my children when they are this young. Older kids might be pleased to see their parents but their faces don’t light up like a juke box when they walk into the room. Teenagers may tolerate their parents but they don’t give them three-minute hugs. Adults may be friends with their parents, but they don’t see them as the centre of their universe.

And right now, my husband and I are the centre of our children’s universe. We can make everything better, we can stop pain with a kiss, we can vanquish monsters and bad dreams, we can sing better than anyone else in the world. There’s no way we can remain on this pedestal long once our children start school.

This realisation nearly made me reach for the phone to demand my husband get ready to make Baby Number Three (mentally ready for another baby, I mean. I don’t insist on a lengthy meditation or chest wax or anything before we procreate).

Fortunately I calmed down and remembered that The Plan involves waiting a few years now before trying for the next baby. It’s a good plan, so unless I go crazy and start weeping by the booties in Mothercare then I think we should stick to it.

But I now understand why some women end up with 10 or more babies. Being the absolute centre of someone’s world is a heady feeling. Being needed so absolutely is wonderful. Being loved so utterly is addictive.  As William Makepeace Thackery wrote: “Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of little children.” It’s hard to give up being God.

Rationally, I only want three children. After all, babies are expensive and I like having some disposable income; babies are demanding and I like spending one-on-one time with each of my boys; babies consume your time totally, and I’d quite like to devote a bit more time to my career.

You can rationalise how many children you should have, but hormones and broodiness aren’t always rational. When the day comes that we give away our Moses basket and donate our baby toys and have officially shut up the baby shop, I expect I will cry for a week.

How many babies do you have? How many are you planning to have? How many is too many? Share your thoughts with me and other readers using the comments below.