The Egg-Bound Frenchman - A Lesson In Truly Cr*ppy First Date Behaviour

On dates, you should always hold something back.  

The sad truth is that not everyone wants to dig deep and get to know you on a first date.

They are just hoping for a fun evening and good chat. Heck, even a kiss.

As most dating gurus will tell you, there are some clear first date no-nos.

1.    Don’t bitch about your exes
2.    Don’t analyse the root of your issues with your parents
3.    Don’t talk about money

But it’s not just conversation that’s on lockdown.

It’s how you act, how much you drink, how messily you eat or even how long you spend in the bathroom that can be called into account.

Of course some people take a devil-may-care attitude to the whole dating game.

They shout ‘Take me as I am!” as they wear their eccentricities on their sleeve and hope the other person bites.

I dated one of these kooks a while back and sh*t got weird.

The Frenchman

I was on a night out when I met him.

He arrived with a good friend and saddled up to my side -  a divine Parisian with long hair, geeky glasses and the face of David Gandy.

We spent the evening flirting and he eventually asked for my number.

The plan was to go on a day date in a gastro pub near mine. Apparently it was showing a lunchtime film.

I arrived at the pub the next day. He was outside looking HOT.

Gandy led me inside to a back room filled with plump cushions and a giant screen. It was romantic as hell.

We grabbed a bottle of red at the bar and settled into a spot in the back.

The Tarrantino flick started playing and I snuggled up. He smelt good.

Ten minutes in, he got up and left the room without a word.

Bar trip?

The movie went on and I was engrossed. But 30 minutes in he still wasn’t back.

I sent him a text but realised his phone was with me. So he hadn’t left then.

45 minutes went by and still nothing – I was starting to panic.

A casual 80 minutes later he strolled back in, brining a newspaper he must have acquired on his travels.

I had to ask where he’d been.

"Oh nowhere" he shrugged, locking eyes on the film.

I pressed on, demanding a better response.

"You were gone for FOREVER," I poked. "Cammm annnn."

After a few more questions he turned to me looking annoyed.

"If I must be honest," he said somewhat haughtily, "I was taking a sh*t and I hate to be rushed."

He followed this up with a shrug. Then leaned in for the kiss.

I turned to the screen - we watched the rest of the movie in silence.

So what’s the takeaway here?

That boys will be boys?? Not really.

I just think he could have made up an excuse – a phone call from work? A needy mother?

Everyone wants – um, NEEDS – a heavy dose of romance on first dates.  

We know that eventually reality will hit us in the face and we will be forced to see our partners as real people with gritty habits.

But, if you please, let’s delay that a little pal.

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Nana is the newest addition to our Yahoo Lifestyle blogging team. She's runs a bespoke dating service called Social Concierge.