Yahoo LifestyleBlog: How to survive parenthood
Our new mummy blogger Georgia James reveals what life is really like with her 14-month-old son Elliot
DISCLAIMER: This is a parenting blog, aimed specifically at those who are interested in reading about other people’s hapless misfortunes in the world of parenting. Not sure if this applies to you? Take this simple test and find out…
Is this blog for you?
Choose which statement most closely relates to you:
A: “I’m sick of these ‘mummy’ bloggers, banging on about tiredness and poo and how hard it is being a mum. All they have to do all day long is post pictures of their baby on Facebook, play Angry Birds, moan to other mums about putting on weight (while eating cake), and change a few nappies.”
B: “I am saddened to see so many mothers boasting about their parenting inabilities, wearing the ‘bad mum’ title like a badge of honour – it’s distasteful and inappropriate. Ineffectual parenting is nothing to be proud of. Being a mother is no laughing matter.”
C: “If only there was someone else out there who has to leave the house three times (only to find she has still forgotten the wipes), whose baby times his meltdowns with meticulous precision (when you get on the bus/start eating/arrive at a mother & baby group), and who generally just hasn’t got the faintest clue what she’s doing from one minute to the next. Then at least we could have a good laugh about it.”
You chose A…
Be off with you, you carefree young thing. Find a beer garden, have a few drinks, stay out late, then sleep for several consecutive hours without interruption… or have sex. God, yes, I forgot about sex. The world is your oyster, so leave us parents to whinge in peace.
You chose B…
Yes, parenting is a very serious matter and, of course, the most joyous thing you’ll ever do and all that jazz, but it can also feel a bit like juggling with jelly (infuriatingly difficult and leaves slimy stuff on your clothes). For some of us a sense of humour is our only ammunition against insanity. If simultaneously breastfeeding while baking organic cupcakes and doing the Downward Dog is more your kind of thing, you definitely have better things to do than read this.
You chose C…
Ahhh, welcome to my blog. Go and get yourself a biscuit and make yourself comfy… Oh, you’ve eaten them all? You finished them at 3am? What’s that? The baby’s just jammed a rice cake in your disc drive? You go and sort yourself out – I’ll be waiting for you whenever you’re ready.
My boy and me (and daddy)…
[How parents and children can make the most of modern technology safely]
[Summer holidays mean 24 ice creams, 48 cries of ‘I’m bored’ and 24 tantrums]
So, here’s where I’m at – I live with my husband, D, and little boy, Elliot.
In a nutshell, Elliot is: 14 ½ months old, fast crawler, reluctant walker, enthusiastic tantrum-thrower, giggler, danger seeker; he is never full and partial to soil; he shouts ‘daddy’ when my husband walks into the room, he shouts ‘daddy’ when I walk into the room (or anyone else for that matter); he loves nursery and has never cried when I’ve dropped him off (I admit to being slightly disappointed by this); for the first four months of his life he cried 24/7 – the doctors called it colic; he used to be a good sleeper but now he has adopted the attitude of “why lie down when you can stand up?”; he’s very cute (every parent thinks that about their child but I’ve had this officially confirmed by his grandparents so it must be true). He is my world and I love him to the moon and back. But do I enjoy my three days a week freelancing while he’s at nursery? Hell, yeah!
The hard part…
The big challenge is, unlike dishwashers, babies don’t come with a comprehensive instruction manual. (Come to think of it, they don’t wash your dishes either, but damn, they’re cuddly). Likewise, your new role as a parent doesn’t come with a detailed job description. Luckily, it doesn’t come with a contract with a three-month probationary clause either, otherwise you’d probably get fired.
The point is, there are no rules (apart from a few basic survival ones – feed them a lot, keep them away from scalding water, combine harvesters etc.) because every baby is different so every baby’s needs are different.
And your own baby’s needs are different from one day to the next because babies change – even more frequently than Apple products. So just when you think you’ve finally cracked it, they go and introduce a whole new set of rules (“yes, I know I liked carrots/bubble baths/mittens/pictures of kittens yesterday, but today I HATE them and I’m going to scream as though I were in the torture scene of a Tarantino movie if I have to so much as look at one”).
For me, the golden survival rules are:
Stop seeking perfection
Stop competing with other mums
Take up a hobby
Surround yourself with nice people
New rule, just in: Write a blog
