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The Worst Theme Parks In The World: Dangerous, Dirty, Tasteless

With rides like 'skid mark', a re-enactment of the death of Christ and hundreds of statues of Stalin, perhaps going to an alternative theme park just isn't worth it

Children dream of theme parks all winter long. It’s a place where riding roller coasters, gobbling down candy floss, and spinning in tea cups until you vom is socially acceptable. But not all theme parks are created equal, and some can actually turn your idyllic day into a nightmare.

From parks where crucifixion is a daily occurrence, to rides named after flatulence, these are seven of the worst theme parks in the world.

Parque Ecoalberto —Alberto, Mexico

[Thinkstock]
[Thinkstock]

Trying to cross the border from Mexico into the US can be a dangerous and deadly experience…so why not make a theme park out of it! For just $18, guests can travel down to Parque Ecoalberto to experience what it’s like to cross into the U.S. illegally. La Caminata, also known as “The Hike,” is an attraction that provides visitors with an authentic border crossing experience.

Visitors travel 7.5 miles accompanied by about 100 staff members who pose as coyote’s in ski masks, border agents, drug smugglers and guides. It’s a terrifying experience that you pay for.

Bon Bon Land — Olstrup, Denmark

[Theme Park Review]
[Theme Park Review]

At first glance, Bon Bon Land looks like your standard theme park — there are water rides, thrilling roller coasters, and snacks galore. But rides aren’t the issue at this park…it’s their names. Not only are the characters in the park doing gross things like vomiting, but there’s a ride called the “Farting Dog,” and another called “The Water Rat!”

Oh, and while you’re there, don’t forget to have the kids ride “Skid Mark.” We don’t think there are actual skid marks on the ride, but the name conjures up enough imagery that we prefer to stay on the ground.

Holy Land — Orlando, Florida

[The Holy Land]
[The Holy Land]

The Holy Land Experience has good intentions. The theme park’s main mission is to bring the teachings of the bible to life, which they do…but things quickly turn somber. Instead of a parade of costumed characters, like the one at nearby Disney World, Holy Land shows the crucifixion of Christ.

That’s right, twice a day, a bloodied and beaten Jesus is paraded through the park, before he is nailed to a cross and dies. We could be wrong,  but we think your child would probably prefer a picture with Mickey.

Action Park — New Jersey

[Nick Diamond Photography]
[Nick Diamond Photography]

Action Park has one major issue — there’s too much action! A string of accidents and safety violations earned this New Jersey staple the nickname of the “the world’s most dangerous,” and in 1996 the park was shut down.

It reopened two years later, but has continued to push the envelope as far as safety is concerned. Case in point, the park plans to reopen its dangerous cannonball loop waterslide in 2016, 20 years after the original slide was shut down in the 80’s over safety concerns. Let’s just say, we won’t be the first in line to volunteer for a ride.

Fantazyland — Alexandria, Egypt

[Richard Bannister/www.themeparks.ie]
[Richard Bannister/www.themeparks.ie]

We’re not sure if Fantazyland is still open. But if it is, it should probably be shut down immediately. At first glance, the theme park just looks like a pile of dirt.

But upon closer inspection, there are ride on the grounds, although theres no guarantee they are in working order. We also hear that the staff is on hand to take your money at the entrance, but that’s about the only service they will provide. Enter at your own risk.

Stalin’s World — Lithuania

[AP]
[AP]

The name of this theme park should let you know that things are about to get controversial. Stalin’s World, also known as Grūtas Park, is home to more than 100 statues of the controversial leaders face. It opened in 2000, and showcases newspapers, documents, posters, and video from 50 years of Soviet Rule.

To round things out, there is also a merry-go-round if your kids want a little adventure with their propaganda.

Shijingshan Amusement Park — Beijing, China

[AP]
[AP]

When you enter the gates of Shijingshan Amusement Park in Beijing, you’ll be welcomed by costumed characters like Minnie Mouse and Donald Duck. There’s one problem — this isn’t Disney World, and these characters are cheap replicas! We imagine that these bootleg characters are similar to the unstable ones found in Times Square, which makes us cringe!

But it’s not just Disney, the park also has rides inspired by Jurassic Park and Batman. So, if you want to show your kids a slightly disappointing but decent time, take them to this park.

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