Snapchats, PDAs And Stopping In The Middle Of The Pavement: Yahoo's Guide To Modern Manners

Some traditions are pointless.

Frankly, we couldn't care less which fork you use to eat your escargot.

And we could probably do away with the bread plate altogether!

(Pointless carbs, let's move straight to the first course shall we?)

But although many older notions of "etiquette" are irrelevant, there is a whole new raft of weirdly awkward situations that could benefit from a rule book.

Yahoo Lifestyle have compiled a Guide to Modern Manners, to see you through awkward dinner dates, public transport woes and social spamming.

Walking

It's one of mankind's oldest skills.

But the rise of tourism (thanks EasyJet) and the advent of smartphones have beset walking with a plague of complications.

Here are a few things to bear in mind while negotiating the tough journey from A to B:

- Don't suddenly stop in the middle of the pavement and look up, bewildered, as though sure you thought the sky was about to fall.

- Ditto stopping to receive a phone call / read a text / consult Google Maps for the 50 billionth time. People are trying to get places and you are in the way.

- Never try to overtake someone, in cramped settings, with a wheely suitcase. You will take out someone's knees, like the chariots in Gladiator.

Dinner (In A Restaurant)

It seems the days are gone when we could sit across a candle-lit table and stare wistfully into someone's eyes, while secretly calculating how many more glasses of wine they might need before inviting you up for a nightcap later.

These days, if it's not on Instagram, it didn't happen.

But according to a poll carried out by Vanity Fair, 56 per cent of us think that taking emails, calls or using phones at all at the table is the epitome of bad dinner guest behaviour.

- #FoodPorn is over folks. Angering nearby tables with your ludicrously bright flash and halting all conversation so that you can get 12 "likes" at most for your filet mignon will not get you a repeat invitation.

- If the person on the other end of the phone is more interesting than the person opposite you, then why didn't you invite them to dinner instead?

- By all means, put your elbows on the table. We aren't offended by a little arm-join! But watching that half masticated bit of beef lolling around on your tongue is STILL not sexy. Shut. Your. Mouth.

Social Networking

- Make no mistake, a Facebook/Twitter break-up post is 100 per cent the WORST use of social networking. Especially if the person in question didn't know said break up had actually happened (ahem, Calvin Harris).

- Don't tag friends in pictures they look horrendous in, just because you look good in it and you want more people to see it.

Facebook event invitations are a bit of a quagmire: to accept or not to accept? Does clicking "maybe" actually mean "I'm waiting for a better offer"?

Here's a run down:

- If it's a massive event, such as a club night or a festival, no one really cares about your RSVP. Event organisers usually only bank on 10 per cent of those who've accepted actually showing up anyway. So, use it as a helpful reminder for your own diary.

- House parties: it depends how close the friend is. If it's your BFF, you might want to click "attending" early, just as a show of support, to encourage others to do the same and to relieve some of their "will anyone show up?" stress.

- Dinner parties: give them a definite answer. They need to know how many to cook for, for goodness' sake!

- If you're hosting an event, don't spam your acceptees with an update every five minutes, unless you lilke standing around in an empty room.

Dinner Parties

Speaking of dinner parties, they're back in vogue again.

Avoid a cringeworthy Come Dine With Me style situation by following the following guidelines:

- Don't spend the first half an hour complaining bitterly to anyone who will listen that you've got a gluten, wheat, dairy and nut allergy and you can't eat any of the food. If you didn't call ahead to advise your host, you could at least turn up with something edible that suits your needs and shut up about it.

- Yes that hat makes you look like Justin Timberlake. No you can't keep it on while you eat my coq au vin.

- Don't turn up an hour late, drunk as a skunk, unexpected guest in tow. HAS MADE IN CHELSEA TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?! Ahem, Spencer Matthews. Ditto invite a date, send her to the dinner party and then never actually turn up yourself. Inexplicably poor form.

- When whipping out your smartphone to show off a snap of your children/chihuahua, one is enough.

Online Dating

Ah the cruel and ever more mercenary world of online dating...

- No, "How much do you earn?" is not an acceptable opening line on Plenty of Fish.

- Ditto striking up a Tinder conversation with questions about bra size, spitting and/or swallowing. Even if we're just on there for a bit of hanky panky, we're still human beings worthy of a "Hello, how was your day?"

- "Do you have any other pictures?" is basically equivalent to "I think you might be ugly, but I want one last chance to check in case I could just about bring myself to have sex with you and then never call again."

Public Transport

- Close your legs a fraction, dear sir. Let's face it, it's probably not that big.

- Let people off first! This rule still, and always will, stand. And while you're at it: MOVE DOWN THE BLIMMIN' CARRIAGE.

- No one wants to hear that terrible David Guetta track blasting out of your tinny iPhone speakers. This is not a party bus, and if it were, you would not have been invited.

- There's been a lot of chat around whether it is or is not okay (especially whether it is or it is not okay for women) to eat on the tube. As a general rule, some people are busy and need to chow-on-the-go. Fine. But don't whack out an entire tikka massala and then plonk yourself down next to a pregnant lady. Unless you're desperate to know what it feels like to have warm vomit pooling in your lap.

Relationships

- Isn't it fabulous that we can walk down the street holding hands, without glares from passers by that scream "where is your wedding ring, you heathen?" This doesn't mean we should have to watch you stick your hand up her skirt in the queue at the post office.

- iPhone: "Seen 3:47pm". 6pm: no reply. Not cool.

- Don't host couple-convos or lovers' tiffs in the comments section of someone else's Facebook post. Not cool guys. Not cool.

 [The Paradox of Choice: IS Dating Culture Ruining Our Love Lives?]

[For A Happy Marriage, Sleep Naked. And Other Practical Advice]

Do you have any rules you would like to add to our Guide to Modern Manners? Tweet us @YLifestyleUK.