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Sex in 2015: Saucy New Year's Resolutions For Couples And Singles

Put some OOOH back in that AAAAH.

There is this longstanding, popular myth, that when you've found the one, the sex is magical.

Or, at least, it starts off magically and then develops into something more emotional and constructive as time goes on.

There's a similar myth about footloose and fancy-free, 20-something singles: That NOT having mundane sex with a longterm boyfriend is brilliantly fun, stimulating, empowering.

Make time to explore and invest in a better sex life this year [Photo: Sergiy Zavarikin / Flickr]
Make time to explore and invest in a better sex life this year [Photo: Sergiy Zavarikin / Flickr]

Of course, in some (VERY lucky) cases, these prophecies turn out to be true.

Sadly for many, if not the majority of us, this land of marvellous sexual perfection is really quite hard to come by.

Sometimes it starts off well and goes down hill, sometimes it didn't even start off that well to begin with and for singletons, it's usually a case of the grass seeming greener on the other side, but often not really matching expectations.

Not making sex a priority is sad! [Rex]
Not making sex a priority is sad! [Rex]

WAIT, WAIT, don't worry, it's not all doom and gloom.

Almost all of our sex lives can be improved upon, if we're willing to be creative and to put a little bit of effort into it.

So, if you're looking to spice it up, to improve on a good thing, to fix a dry spell or just to have more fulfilling sex, whether single or in a relationship, one of the following resolutions might be just the ticket:

Position Mission

This is an oldie, but it's still a goodie.

[Handbag.com]
[Handbag.com]

It is a truth universally acknowledged (but rarely actually admitted to out loud) that sex can seriously dry up in a long term relationship or marriage. It doesn't mean you don't love them, it could be for any number of reasons, but boredom and monotony are usually at play.

Sometimes, it really is as simple as deciding to try out a new position once a month!

Like this "Tantric Rocking Chair" position.

 

No More Waiting Around

This resolution is chiefly for singles, but it can apply to those in a relationship too.

We're all guilty of waiting around on a Friday night, just in case the guy we fancy or even the one we've been dating for a bit decides he might want to do something after all.

Waiting around is not cool (REX)
Waiting around is not cool (REX)

But let's face the facts, you should never be happy to be anyone's second choice or last resort.

Accepting last minute spontaneous plans the day before or the morning of might be okay if that's the kind of person you're dating, but if you find yourself holding on and on, just in case his plans fall through or he decides to reply to one of your last three text messages, then stop. Just stop.

You're worth more than that.

Make a date with yourself, a bath, a good bit of erotic literature and your favourite battery powered toy, turn your phone on "do not disturb" and promise yourself a night to remember.

The silence might just peak his interest enough that he prioritises you next time....and if he doesn't?

Good riddance.

Buh-Bye. Go on now! [Giphy]
Buh-Bye. Go on now! [Giphy]

Sex O'Clock

Morning sex isn't just easier - he's often already aroused, aleviating the need for a lengthy warm up session - it's also just generally really good for you.

It helps get your body moving and helps release serotonin and oxytocin, which can set you up for feeling happy and motivated for the rest of the day!

Don't think you have time? You do. Honestly, you do.

Set the alarm for 20 minutes earlier (okay, 15 minutes, we were being generous) and get it done.

The Grapefruit Technique

If you haven't seen this video, you've been seriously missing out.

CAUTION: DO NOT WATCH AT WORK

This woman is exellently entertaining, plus we've tried her trick. It's messy and pretty hard to keep a secret even with a blindfold, but goodness it was fun to try!

All About Me

Boring patterns CAN be broken and in all kinds of fun ways.

How about throwing in a couple of alternate "all about me" sessions, which consist of one parter focussing completely on the other partner, the whole time, ensuring that they get off, in whatever way necessary, ideally more than once.

And then swap to focus completely on the other partner at a later date and time, so no one is rushing through impatiently, hoping to get to their turn quickly.

Make Love To Yourself

In general, men orgasm so much more often than women.

Which, if you think about it too long, will turn you cross-eyed with the total unfairness!

So start masturbating furiously! Come on, even the score.

That way, you'll learn loads about yourself, get more and more comfortable with the whole idea, perhaps eventually do it in front of your partner so that he or she can learn a bit from your hard work.

And hey presto, better sex life, even if it's just the one you're having with yourself.

Love begins with self-love. [Sex Therapist / Max Sparber / Flickr]
Love begins with self-love. [Sex Therapist / Max Sparber / Flickr]

Make The First Move, And Make It GOOD

Stop peeling off your grotty sweater and pyjama trousers, hovering near him in bed and saying "we should probably you know what then...", just stop it.

That is no way to initiate a fun time.

Let Dora The Explorer do the babysitting for a bit (half an hour of cartoons will not stunt their overall intellectual growth), creep up behind him in the kitchen, slip your hand around him and down the front of his trousers and whisper something FILTHY in his ear.

Run off upstairs and with that intro, you'll be 20 minutes max. The kids won't even know you disappeared.

Sex A. B. Cs

Need a challenge in your life? There are plenty out there, you only have to pick one.

What about the Sex Alphabet - work through the A, B, Cs chronologically, either having sex in a place that begins with that letter, or completing a sex act that's name starts with that letter.

Aim to finish it by a particular date.

You could of course go for a month of total abstenance too. There's nothing like a month of complete denial to make someone really, really want what they can't have.

No sex for you Sir! (For a month) [Kiki Le Vrai / Flickr]
No sex for you Sir! (For a month) [Kiki Le Vrai / Flickr]

Just don't let the abstenance run over that time frame - aim to have ravenous sex the minute the ban ends.

Or if that's too hard, what about a month of anything but - a month of only oral and finger-related sex, with no penetration at all.

PUT HIM DOWN and Walk Away

Your ex-boyfriend that is.

There's a reason you broke up, you don't work, it's not good for your self-esteem, so bin the whole thing right this minute.

yup, what he said [Giphy]
yup, what he said [Giphy]

Do It When You're Not In The Mood

Once the first flush of new lust fades, it can be hard to know when you're really in the mood for sex.

Well, newsflash, you often won't be, at least not at the point that the thought initially crosses your mind.

According to scientists of sex and orgasms, many of us won't feel that consciously turned on until the right parts of our genitals are physically stimulated.

Sometimes, even though you're feeling tired and headachey, when a partner runs his or her hand down your spine, lingering at the base of your back and then further south, it can actually be easier than you originally thought to slip into a mutually pleasing session.

Okay, so you shouldn't ALWAYS have sex when you don't want to - that would be foolish advice, but every now and then, turn that frown upside down, let the person you love touch you even if you're not sure you feel like it....and see what happens.

Take Your Toys On Tour

We spoke to Durex's resident "sexpert" Alix Fox, who had a particularly fun recommendation of her own for 2015.

"I’m not talking about hauling your vibrator on vacation to Venezuela or roaming around Rome on the road with your rabbit," said Alix, "I’m referring to taking toys travelling to new locations on yours and your partner’s bodies."

"All too often, we can go into ‘auto-pilot’ and end up using even the most adventurous erotic equipment in exactly the same ways and precisely the same places every time we play. If you know that – for example - holding a bullet vibe on your clitoral hood at a certain well-practiced angle can take you straight to the Land of Ohhhhh faster than…well, a speeding bullet, it’s very tempting to use that toy in that one manner as a matter of habit," Alix continued.

[Durex]
[Durex]

Mix things up instead. Get a bullet-style vibe like this Durex Exciting Touch. And trace it round your nipples, their nipples or even head straight for the sweet spot by tracing up your partner's thighs and then nestling against their perineum (the patch of skin between the testicles and the anus). 

Woman's Intuition

One final one for the singletons and the daters.

Have sex because you want to.

Don't have sex with someone quicker than feels comfortable, just because you think you need to in order to impress them.

Likewise, don't withhold sex because you think that's what you need to do for them to think a certain way about you.

Work out what you want, how you need your desires to be met and then use your intuition, without the clouding judgement of society, stereotype or wellmeaning, but unhelpful girlfriends who would tell you otherwise.

[Sex Toy Trials: Yahoo Lifestyle Tests Out The Best Of The Bunch]

[Smartphones And Facebook Are Killing Our Sex Lives: But Could Technology Save The Day]

Which of these resolutions will you be following? Let us know in the comments!