Oscars 2014: Celebrity red carpet poses explained

Red carpet poses on Oscar night are as tightly choreographed as the cha-cha round on Strictly. Stars are wheeled onto the conveyor belt by a flotilla of hyperactive PRs, and then herded like sheep, striking the same pose before each batches of snappers then holding it until the mouth muscles start to quiver and they risk blinking or (heaven forbid) scowling.

The smart stars will have Botoxed their trademark grins in place and the rest will have been working that pose for weeks in the full-length mirror, because the way they stand is about more than just showing off the designer outfit.

Oscar poses signal status, hierarchy and current success or lack of it. The night is defined between the nominees and the rest. Being in line for an Oscar catapults you firmly to the top of the heap, while the rest have to compete for press attention by wearing the best dress or working the best pose.

Some have ‘announcements’ to make via their poses, like ‘Forget the rumours, we’re still an item’, ‘I’m out of rehab yet again’ or ‘Hey, I’m still alive!’. The cool ones try to affect cynical indifference, and the desperate ones try the burlesque route to hit the headlines, thrusting random body parts at the lens in a bid to leapfrog the Hollywood hierarchy.

Here’s a guide to the top ten Oscar night poses and what the stars were really trying to tell us:

THE SIDE-ON WITH DRESS TRAIN

WHAT IT IS: Side to camera with torso facing direction of travel but the face turned towards the snappers, often to display the long train of your dress.

WHO DOES IT: Nominees, especially newly rising stars love the side on to camera with long dress train trailing out behind as it allows them to look sufficiently sweet and modest (Me? Win? With all those really big stars up against me?’) They’re actually using up maximum carpet space and ensuring rivals are left standing several yards behind, caught in an A-list log jam. The side-on pose allows a girl to look as though she’s been caught almost by surprise on the way into the theatre and is new to all the attention. Subliminal signals are far more regal though, and with that dress taking up maximum space we do need to remember that space is linked to status.

A quasi-modest pose that is really a reminder that the new kid on the block plans to knock the competition for six!
 
THE FRONT-ON PASSPORT POSE

WHAT IT IS: As championed by Gwyneth Paltrow, this pose involves standing straight on to camera with your arms dangling straight down at your sides, with perhaps a subtle inward-pointing toes effect for good measure.

WHO DOES IT: Celebs who like to appear ‘normal’, i.e. honest and un-pretentious; also A-list women who feel their simple beauty is enough to impress without appearing to work the pose. This look implies they are so good they are out of the game itself and the inward-pointing toe is a girlish touch that suggests modesty tinged with shyness.

This pose suggests a star who knows they are an object of outstanding beauty but who wants to signal they should be judged as an actress rather than a celebrity.
 
THE STATUE

WHAT IT IS: How did they get to that spot on the red carpet? Nobody knows because they don’t appear to move at all. Totally inscrutable, No smile, no chat, no facial expression.

WHO DOES IT: The statue is a favourite of uber A-list (usually older) male stars who feel posing in any way is totally beneath them. The fact they have shown up is enough, they have earned their due and probably suffered all sorts of indignities on the way up their career path, so now they have acquired legendary status they basically can’t be bothered to be seen to be trying any more. (The extremely aged might be worried about bits dropping off if they move, too.)

Less is more for those at the top and this alpha male posing signals the fact that this guy is beyond rewards like Oscars, having already got a mantelpiece full of the things.
 
THE TEAPOT

WHAT IT IS: Straight on to camera but with an angling of the pelvis and torso and one hand on the hip like the handle of a teapot.

WHO DOES IT: This is one of the most popular poses for red carpet women as it slims down the lines of the torso and displays the rented frock to best advantage. It also emphasises the lack of bingo wings, suggesting gym-toned muscles, and adds a subtle amount of implied edginess, as a hand on the hip suggests the very first stages of aggressive arousal. Victoria Beckham turned this pose hard-core with her acute angle of torso lean, meaning stars will have risked a sideways tumble if they decided to ape everyone’s favourite fashionista.

A classic, suggesting a slight lack of imagination. If the elbow is dropped low and angled slightly to the back this can signal A-list but if it’s sticking out to the side it’s more likely to be someone further down the pecking order who feels secretly intimidated.

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THE MILK JUG

WHAT IT IS: Front on to camera, both hands on hips

WHO DOES IT: This really does mimic aggressive arousal in the animal kingdom, meaning there’s something of a challenge being thrown out by this pose. This celeb is keen to imply they will take no nonsense, although the suggestion is they like a good laugh, too. There’s a touch of impatience here, hinting the celeb wants to imply they are above all this awards nonsense.

Dominant, no-nonsense but might not want to be seen to be taking themselves too seriously at the same time.
 
THE BACKWARD GLANCE

WHAT IT IS: The dress looks demure enough from the front, suggesting a star well up the pecking order in terms of status but then ‘Hello Boys!’ she sashays around in a semicircle to reveal a bare back, allowing her to glance back at the cameras with a knowing smile.

WHO DOES IT: This pose used to be uber-classy, with demure A-list women adding a last minute flash to the camera, literally giving the cold shoulder at the same time. It was the antidote to all the D-list cleavage-flashing until the backless dresses dipped to the point where there was builder’s bum cleavage on display, which is when it all got tacky. Despite this it is still a favourite pose for un-nominated A-B listers who feel they ought to do their bit but without being too blasé.

A safe flash of the flesh that the celeb can blame on the designer. Naughty but nice.
 
LET THE BUM DO THE TALKING

WHAT IT IS: Twerking might not be a big feature of Oscar nights but celeb-watchers could hardly have missed the fact that 2014 is the year of the bum and the bigger the better, This means bland body language bordering on the demure at the front but a dress that has been cut in a way to make a feature of the derriere. The bum must come as a surprise, with the wearer looking almost ignorant of its attention-winning presence, as in: ‘What? Oh that old thing, I’ve had it for years’.

WHO DOES IT: Bums are the new boobs so any celeb who would have been flashing cleavage a year or more ago. This is a specialised area that implies attention-seeking rather than acting talent. Tilda Swinton you ain’t but the public love you for your sauciness.

The sexiest of sex signals, however the bum pose places you in a hugely competitive arena.
 
THE POWER COUPLE

WHAT IT IS: Oscar double-act poses are usually for long-term marrieds only, as who wants a date-mate or friend with benefits muscling in on your moment in the spotlight?

WHO DOES IT: Usually couples who share or time-share a career, with one up for nomination one year and the other the next. Poses are usually tighter than cat-gut in a tennis racket with as few clues as possible in the face of what has often been a year of tedious rumours of splits or pending marriages. Often the woman will have one hand placed on her guy’s chest in a signal of ownership, but any touch will be severely limited on account of the ‘don’t mess up my hair or wrinkle my tuxedo’ rule.

Contrived, often cheesy but loved by the press who get two A-listers for the price of one.
 
THE GOOFY POSE

WHAT IT IS: Some stars just can’t resist the urge to gurn or gesticulate their way along the red carpet, offering up whacky smiles or Victory signs or even romping with other stars of the film they have been working on.

WHO DOES IT: Stars who want to look like they had the best fun working with the team and crew on a movie, although they might need to back-track if that film has bombed in terms of gongs. Character actors and comedy stars also enjoy this kind of a pose as it saves them competing with the deadpan beauties and lets casting agents know they are up for the next comedy role.

Stars who open their mouths or roll their eyes create a stronger connection with the cameras as this kind of expression can create a tie-sign, bringing them down off the mountain of celebrity the others seem to be on. It is also a good safety net as it allows them to lark around on camera at that dreaded moment the winner is announced, meaning the look of utter grief is masked by a comic grimace.
 
THE PHOTOBOMB

WHAT IT IS: Just when an A-lister has perfected their trademark Teapot or Statue pose, along comes some smart aleck to randomly jump into shot (usually unbeknownst to the statuesque star) and pull a funny face, flip them the bird or generally cause photographic mayhem.

WHO DOES IT: Last night’s winning photobomber was Benedict Cumberbatch leaping around behind U2. This is the best body language by a mile, mainly because he chose his 'victims' so well. Bono's poses always involve a rather huge amount of taking himself extremely seriously, and the other band members do seem to have caught the trait. Looking more like a group of pompous world leaders rather than a rock band, they were prime candidates for this kind of taking down a peg or two. Benedict's crazy pose is so utterly hilarious, showing he is a guy who doesn't take himself too seriously at all. For an A-list Hollywood star to photobomb a band like this is a magnificent reversal of the red carpet hierarchy.

Possibly the best photo-bomb since Jarvis Cocker launched into Michael Jackson's performance at the Brits.