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New Mummy Blog: Why Is It All About A Baby’s Firsts – Not The Lasts?

Our mummy blogger was ready for her daughter's firsts, but nothing had prepared her for the lasts

Having a baby is all about firsts. Her first smiles, first words, first steps. But what about the lasts? It might seem an odd thing to mark or celebrate, but already I wish I could recall more of these.

I can remember the first time Honor walked, but not the last time she crawled. I can remember the first time she said Honor, but not the last time she called herself Nona instead.

Honor is growing up too fast! [Copyright/Yahoo]
Honor is growing up too fast! [Copyright/Yahoo]

I can remember her getting her first tooth, but I can’t remember the last time I saw her gaping, gummy smile. She is growing up right under our noses. And I'm not ready for it.

I look at her, my firstborn, fast approaching her second birthday, and wonder where my little baby has gone. She was so tiny when she was born, all spindly arms and legs. She made her way up the growth chart with caution and, at times, reluctance. She seemed so fragile, delicate and precious.

I see her now, still every bit as precious.

But those once-spindly legs are strong and long, built to carry her, built for running, jumping, dancing and spinning like the little whirlwind she is.

Honor is no longer a tiny fragile baby [Copyright/Yahoo]
Honor is no longer a tiny fragile baby [Copyright/Yahoo]

There are a few traces left of the baby she was - the pudgy hands, the rounded cheeks. But these are overshadowed by her newfound independence, "Honor do it!" fast becoming her new favourite phrase.

She is fearless. She seeks out the highest slide in the park and throws herself down it with abandon, leaving me a nervous wreck at the bottom ready to catch her if she falls.

But when she falls, she bounces right back up, dusts herself down and laughs "bump!".

It's an all too real flash forward into a world where I'm not needed any more, no longer required to catch her when she falls.

Now she's a big sister, Honor seems even older [Copyright/Yahoo]
Now she's a big sister, Honor seems even older [Copyright/Yahoo]

There will be a time that is the last time she calls me mummy rather than mum; the last time she needs me to kiss her better; the last time she wants me to stay until she falls asleep; the last time she falls asleep on my lap; the last time she finds daddy funny rather than embarrassing. And already I'm mourning these lasts.

But at the same time I love seeing these flashes of the girl she is becoming, as she leaves baby Honor behind. I'm proud of her independence, her strong will and the cheeky streak that runs through her.

I love seeing the way she brushes me off with impatience if I fumble her car seat buckle, sighing "Honor do it", as if she's thinking can't get the staff these days.

Or the way she insists on dressing and undressing herself without help. Even if her arm ends up in a leg hole sometimes.

Before I know it, Honor will be making me a real cup of tea instead of a pretend one [Copyright/Yahoo]
Before I know it, Honor will be making me a real cup of tea instead of a pretend one [Copyright/Yahoo]

And the way she relishes being a big sister to baby Henry, shushing him when he cries, bringing him her favourite soft toys to cuddle, tucking his blanket in tight. But it scares me. I see her growing up, too quickly, and I long to press pause. I long to protect her from the big bad world she knows nothing about.

For now, the scariest thing in her little bubble is the deep, dark woods of her favourite stories, where things like foxes, owls and snakes reside. I'd like it to stay this way, but of course it can't. She has her whole life ahead of her and I must focus on the firsts that are to come, not the lasts that have already been.

Like starting school. Her first best friend. Boyfriends (who will come, despite her father's plans of marching them in one door and out the other when they come to call). Her first job. Her first love.

I will teach her that the world is huge and exciting and her potential limitless. Her life has only just begun.

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