New Mummy blog: When is the right time to have a baby?

I was called an ‘old mum’ this week, and I really don’t know how I feel about it.

It was unintentional: we were at a wedding and the fiancé of one of Adam’s relatives was talking to us about his future plans with his wife-to-be. In their early 20s, he spoke excitedly about their hopes to start a family within a year or so because, God forbid, his partner didn’t want to be an old mum, “like 30 or something”.

I was pregnant at 29 and a mum at 30, so apparently I fall into this category in their eyes. It had never even crossed my mind that I might be considered such. With so many high profile mums who give birth in their late 30s and well into their 40s, I have always thought myself quite spritely in comparison.

Not to mention the people I actually know with kids. I spent my 20s living and working in London, where certainly in my group of friends, it would have been considered young to have a baby before your 30th birthday. The marriages started in our mid to late 20s, with the last three years of the decade spent in a flurry of weddings and hen dos. It’s only been very latterly that baby showers and christenings have started taking over.

[New Mummy blog: The sleepless nights are back!]
[New Mummy blog: My baby has caught her first cold]

So, from my point of view, inside my cosy circle, although not the first to forge ahead into the unchartered land of nappies and sleepless nights, I certainly felt that I’d still got there early.

Take a step away from city life and it seems this is not so.

Not only has Adam’s cousin made me feel ancient, I’m also reminded of the three decades under my belt by my new group of mummy friends, of which only one has recently joined me on the other side of 29.

Not that it matters at all, of course. I’m not exactly over the hill. It’s just got me thinking about different people’s perception of age and motherhood.

Certainly for me, I am grateful to have had the time to establish my career before having children. I have always known I would go back to work after having a baby, for both the financial motivation and because I choose to. I am grateful because I have been able to step out of my professional role for a year, knowing I can step back in again when the time comes. I wouldn’t have felt so confident doing this five years ago. I also would not have been able to afford it five years ago – my salary back then barely justifying the cost of childcare and commute.

Yes, I have the odd sleepless night about work – and the odd nightmare where I’m back at work having completely forgotten how to do any aspect of my job and trying to bluff my way through the day.

[New Mummy blog: My baby has caught her first cold]
[New Mummy blog: Choosing the right midwife is key]

No matter where I had got to in my career, I wouldn’t be immune to these worries. Is a year too long to have been away? Did I, in fact – and in spite of those who would label me an old mum – call it too early, career-wise? Should I have pushed on, up another few rungs of the ladder, before having a baby?

The answer is I will never really know if I’ve made a career misstep by taking time out to have a baby and spend her first year with her. Who knows what might have happened at work during these 12 months. But it doesn’t really matter. Of course it doesn’t.

The simple fact is, if I had waited, I wouldn’t have Honor. That’s answer enough for me.