New Mummy Blog: What My Toddler Really Wants To Play With (And It's Not Her Toys)

Like most other mothers of very small children, I have had to let go of my dream of a Pinterest-perfect home.

Not so much because small children mean mess, havoc and very little time to tidy up. But rather because they come with So. Much. Stuff.

There's the buggy, the car seat, the high chair, the cot, the toys. But mostly the toys.

Our toddler is the proud owner of many, many toys that are almost as big, if not bigger than her. Our house is overrun, thanks to the ball pit, the play kitchen, the stylish pink coupe and the rocking horse she is terrified of and refuses to sit on.

And it's all spilling out into the garden too, as I research slides, sand pits and trampolines for her upcoming birthday. I even got tricked into looking at (buying, not renting) a half-size bouncy castle - a natural progression from trampolines, according to the website. I have a small garden. And a husband who is likely to lose the plot if one more bulky toy crosses the threshold, never mind a bouncy castle.

And it turns out our little one isn't even that fussed about her toys anyway. Sure, they've got their play value, but apparently they just don't compare with most mundane household objects.

True to the stereotype of the kid who prefers the box to the present inside it, my child would choose to play with any of the following over any of her actual toys, any day.

Loo Roll
She is the Andrex puppy in tiny human form. We have to keep it on the window sill, high out of her reach, if we don't want our house to look like it has been pranked by a bunch of students.

The Loo Itself
It's not just loo roll. It seems my toddler has a thing for toilets. She likes to pretend to use her potty. She likes to put things (anything she can get hold of) down the toilet. I can barely believe some of the things I've had to fish out of there. She likes to play 'Wash Hands', a game where - you've guessed it - you have to hold her up at the sink while she washes her hands over and over again.

She likes toilet time role play so much that on a recent trip to soft play, she spent more time in the loo than on the soft play equipment. I could have stayed at home and let her loose in the bathroom instead.

Nail Clippers
Staying with the personal hygiene and grooming theme, she loves her nail clippers. She doesn't love me trying to use them on her though. Each nail trim sees us engaging in a battle to become the holder of the nail clippers. I usually give up, before someone loses a finger.

My Make-Up
Oh how she loves to destroy my make-up - crumble eye shadows over the white bed linen, use eye liner as a crayon, hide my mascara somewhere I'll never find it.

Household Appliances
Loading the washing machine with whatever clothing she can get her hands on, then pressing miscellaneous buttons in the hope of hitting upon the right combination to get it going is one of Honor's top pastimes, ever.

And she loved trying to sweep the kitchen floor with a broom twice the size of her so much, we bought her her very own miniature, toy version. Was she fooled? Of course not. Only the real thing will do.

Anything With Buttons
Not the clothing type. A calculator. The TV remote. The home phone.

And other tech products too, of course - mobiles and tablets are the holy grail of toddler fun.

Things With Straps And Buckles
Her buggy, her high chair, her car seat. She never wants to go in them when she is supposed to, but at all other times they're fair game.

Kitchen Cupboards
Just what do these treasure troves behold? She doesn't know, or care - she's going to empty them all regardless.

The Antique Rocking Chair
Find the most dangerous chair in the room. No, not those padded, overstuffed old sofas, but the hard one with the gap between the back and base and the most lethal looking, toe-chopping sprung base possible. That's the chair she wants to climb on. Of course.

Light Switches And Socket Switches
Another hair-raisingly dangerous pastime, there's nothing more satisfying to her toddler mind than switching these on and off and on and off and on again.

The Letterbox
It opens! It closes! It comes off its hinges (it's very old). Heaven in one small rectangular metal flap.

Her Baby Brother
Her very own real life doll, with eyes, ears, a mouth and everything!

You see, who needs toys at all?

[New Mummy Blog: Why Is It All About A Baby’s First – Not The Lasts?]

[New Mummy Blog: Sometimes I’d Like A Day Off From Parenthood]