New Mummy Blog: What I Wish I Could Tell Everyone Who Visits My Newborn Baby

When you have a new baby, the instinct to hunker down kicks in – to spend time cocooned together, consolidating your family unit, getting to know your new arrival.

It’s tricky, then, that it’s also the time that everyone wants to come and visit.

Luckily the desire to show off your little miracle can often outweigh the hibernation instinct, so you don’t really mind too much opening your door to a steady stream of visitors. Especially if they bring chocolate.

But depending on the visitors, and whether they have any idea that your life and home have become a circus since bringing your newborn home (i.e. if they’re parents themselves), you can spend a lot of the time wishing they’d hurry up and leave.

These are the things that, in my weaker moments, I would have liked to have said to some of the visitors we’ve had since Henry was born:

1. Don’t expect me to feed you
Even if you turn up at lunchtime. I’m busy enough feeding my new baby that it can be a struggle to feed myself.

If, on the other hand, you bring food to me, I will be very happy. I might even let you have some.

2. I’ll probably manage to muster up enough hospitality to offer you a cup of tea
But if I’ve got enough going on feeding the baby with one hand and stopping the toddler from scaling the furniture with the other, don’t wait to be offered.

I can’t remember the last hot cup of tea I had, so it’s not at the top of my list of priorities. If you know where the kettle is, feel free to help yourself.

3. If the baby fills his nappy while you’re holding him, I will love you forever if you offer to change it
I’d definitely welcome the break – with two kids under two, I spend a large part of my day dealing with nappies.

Okay, so I appreciate that a childless bloke who has been left awkwardly holding the baby because he didn’t know how to say no without offending is highly unlikely to offer to change the baby (and would probably put the nappy on backwards if he did).

But if you’re a grandparent with years of nappy experience under your belt, it’s not helpful to refuse while smugly announcing you’ve  already done your share of nappies in your time.

4. I might like to hold my baby, too (and not just when he needs that nappy change)
It’s been over two hours since you arrived and in that time the baby has been passed around to everyone but me. Yes, he’s a good baby who will willingly go to anyone for a cuddle, but he’s new and the centre of my world and my arms are itching to grab him.

 5. My baby might be new but I know him pretty well
Having spent every minute of his life with him so far, and all. So if he starts crying and I tell you it’s because he’s due a feed, please believe me.

Don’t tell me I’m wrong and insist it’s wind, and then spend the next 10 minutes cranking his legs up and down towards his tummy to squeeze out the tiniest little burp, while he gets more and more irate.

Just give him back to me, please. If I’m wrong, and it is wind, I’ll learn soon enough.

Admittedly, I’m sleep deprived and grumpy and that makes this list ungrateful and unfriendly. Believe me, I’m so happy to see you, so please do come and visit.

Just remember that all I really want is for you to turn up, coo at the baby, see my milk-stained shirt and my the bags under my eyes and tell me I’m looking great, fill me in what’s going on in the real world, and then leave as soon as I start dropping hints that we need to get on (when we both know I have nowhere to get on to). And don’t forget that chocolate.

I promise I’ll do the same for you.

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Did you get lots of visitors when your baby arrived? Let us know in the comments below.