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New Mummy Blog: What I Miss From Life Before Kids

Remember these? The things our mummy blogger misses the most from her pre-children days

I wouldn’t swap life now for life then, no matter what you offered me in return. But I admit, every once in a while I experience a guilty nostalgia for the way things used to be, back in the days before I had kids.

I don’t just mean sleep, my waist, the luxury of finishing a sentence uninterrupted. There are things from my childfree, carefree days that I never imagined I’d miss.

Sometimes I just DON'T WANT to share my cake [Rex]
Sometimes I just DON'T WANT to share my cake [Rex]

Not Sharing
I might be the meanest mummy on the block but sometimes I don’t want to share the cupcake. Sometimes I want to eat it ALL myself.

And even when I do share, it’s not enough to satisfy the toddler. First she’ll be upset that I’ve broken it in two. Then she’ll be even more upset when I try to give her the smaller piece. And finally she’ll be inconsolable when I try to take a bite, and I’ll end up handing the whole thing over.

Using A Hand Drier
My toddler is TERRIFIED of hand driers. Visits to department store loos are fraught with panic and stress.

I long ago resigned myself to the environmentally-unfriendly and quite pointless option of drying my hands with loo paper (which disintegrates, sticks to my hands, and doesn’t even dry them) or just wiping them on my jeans (wet handprints, great look).

But that doesn’t solve the problem of what happens when someone else uses the hand drier when we’re in there. Cue dribbling, shaking, sobbing wreck of a toddler and an utterly confused and horrified stranger.

Start a hand drier and cue the screaming... [Rex]
Start a hand drier and cue the screaming... [Rex]

Getting Away From It All
Once upon a time a mini break meant a break from reality (not just a chance to go to the loo on my own); a weekend away somewhere gorgeous and probably totally unsuitable for kids.

In Life Since Kids, we’ve managed to get away just the two of us just once. We chose a hotel 40 minutes down the road, spent the whole evening talking about the baby and ringing home to check in with the grandparents, slept terribly, and couldn’t wait to get back home straight after breakfast.

We couldn’t switch off, even for a night.

There's no sugar-coating it. Peaceful, uninterrupted holidays like this don't happen when you have children [Rex]
There's no sugar-coating it. Peaceful, uninterrupted holidays like this don't happen when you have children [Rex]

And taking the kids along too doesn’t solve the problem. Holidays are not holidays any more.

By the time we’ve tackled the flight there, the time difference, the breaking of the routine, the strange bed, the strange food, the risk of drowning, the heat, the stray animals, the mosquitoes, the tummy bugs, the epic and never-ending battle to apply and reapply sun cream and the flight home, we’re shadows of our pre-holiday selves.

Eating Out
Taking our toddler out for dinner is no one’s idea of fun.

And lunch isn’t much better. If we go ‘somewhere nice’, we’ll probably find ourselves on edge for the entire time waiting for the inevitable toddler or baby meltdown (or best of all, a toddler AND baby meltdown), or we’ll be seated so far into the dark corner next to the kitchen, we may as well be in the kitchen.

So we find ourselves at the local family-friendly pizza joint again, and we’re actually relieved that we’re being given the table next to the nine-year-old’s birthday party that resembles feeding time at the zoo. Our little ones will look like angels in comparison.

Babies and young children aren't the most well-mannered dinner guests [Rex]
Babies and young children aren't the most well-mannered dinner guests [Rex]

Watching TV Without Crying
Never mind not being able to watch anything with a plot that involves bad things happening to children. Or even animals.

Since becoming a parent I’ll cry at adverts for a bank, a supermarket, and loo roll.

Spontaneity
When you can’t go anywhere without the baby for more than a couple of hours without packing a breast pump in your handbag and trying to decide whether you can lock yourself in the train loo to use it, it kind of takes the shine off being spontaneous.

Being More Than A Mum
I used to be someone, don’t you know?

Getting Stuff DONE
I’m writing this standing up, typing with one hand and bouncing the baby with the other.

I miss having two hands, and it not being futile trying to get on with something for myself outside of naptime.

While parents are BRILLIANT multitaskers, we do miss having two hands [Rex]
While parents are BRILLIANT multitaskers, we do miss having two hands [Rex]

Not Knowing About Mum Guilt
Feeling guilty for going back to work. Feeling guilty for not going back to work.

Feeling guilty for letting the toddler watch too much TV or eat too much chocolate. Feeling guilty for trying to bribe her to behave.

Feeling guilty for looking forward to bedtime and some peace and quiet.

Feeling guilty for not keeping the house spotless.

Feeling guilty for not having the time to keep up with old friends.

Feeling guilty for worrying about my weight and letting my little girl see it.

Feeling guilty for letting the baby cry while I’m bathing the toddler.

Feeling guilty about everything. Feeling guilty is a mother’s lot in life. I never knew.

But you can keep all the fancy restaurants and the turbo hand driers, the guilt-free days and the cupcakes.

There might be things I miss about my pre-child life, but there’s an awful lot more I’ll miss once my children are grown.

This time, while they’re tiny, is precious and fleeting. All too soon they won’t want to share that cake with me. And all too soon I’ll be wishing these days back again.

[New Mummy Blog: Five Types Of Judgemental Parent To Ignore Or Avoid]

[New Mummy Blog: The Parenting Promises I’ve Already Broken]