New Mummy Blog: Toddlers Speak A Whole Different Language To The Rest Of Us

Honor loves to talk. Gone are the gurgly days of goo goos and dadadas. She’s onto sentences now. Her vocabulary is expanding and accelerating and she is becoming far more adept at expressing herself. She surprises us with new words and expressions daily.

But there’s one problem with her newfound language skills. It sounds like English, but it’s definitely not English.

It turns out the words that you and I know have entirely different meanings to those aged two and under.
So while she’s been mastering the art of conversation, I’ve had to master a whole new language – that of the toddler.

What My Toddler Says – And What She Really Means:

One more: This is a bargaining chip, and can be used indiscriminately and indefinitely.

When you’re not ready to leave the playpark, ask for ‘one more’ go on the swings. When you’re not ready for bed, ‘one more’ game. When you’re enjoying your snack a little too much, ‘one more’ rice cake or biscuit.

The thing that grown ups can’t seem to grasp is that it can be used an unlimited number of times in any situation. ‘One more’ doesn’t actually mean one more. ‘One more’ really means ‘another’. And another and another.  You just have to keep saying it.

Sharing: Said in an admonishing tone either when someone is trying to take something from you that you shouldn’t have, or when they’ve got something you want.

This is a handy one – it lets you operate under the rule that what is yours is yours and what they’ve got you get to have too.

I not like: Ideally said very loudly and at a very awkward moment. To be said about a gift, for example, in front of the gift giver. Or even better, about a person when the person is standing right there.

Also to be used arbitrarily; it has most impact when said but not actually meant at all. Like when you decide you don’t like the meal that has just been cooked for you, despite you finishing every last scrap of it last time.

No: This actually means ‘yes’. Especially if the question is: Do you need a nappy change?

Thank you, please and sorry: The magic words that get you what you want.

What I Say And What (She Thinks) I Mean:

No: As we’ve already established, this means yes. So whatever it is you’re doing, keep on doing it.

Be careful: I think it’s wonderful that you’ve decided to climb down the stairs on your own. While carrying five teddies you can’t see over the top of. So much so, that I think you should now start trying to run at the same time because you think I’m chasing you.

Gentle:  Please keep patting your baby brother on the head, getting progressively harder with each pat. The firmer the action, the more you love him, right?

Shoes/coat on: I really, really want you to ignore the coat I’m waving at you and instead start taking all your clothes off, and your nappy, and run around naked while I’m trying to get us out the house in some sort of timely fashion.

Which one?: One? Silly me. I mean ALL of them of course. Often applies to bedtime stories.

Eat it nicely: It’s a really great idea to shove your whole hand into your yoghurt pot, brandish your now yoghurt-covered hand proudly, and then proceed to smear yoghurt all over your face and in your hair. And then wipe your hands on the table. Please keep doing it.

Share your own toddler talk tales in the comments below.

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