New Mummy Blog: Just Leave Us Alone To Feed Our Babies How We Please

Just when did how we feed our babies become such a matter of national importance?

It seems that not a day goes by without there being another story about a mother being shamed for breastfeeding her baby in public.

It's been an increasing trend over recent years, as the breast is best brigade react with outrage and uproar when a woman's right to publicly feed her baby the way nature intended is threatened.

But now, it seems, there's been a twist in the tale, a turning of public opinion. For we are no longer content just to be a nation of breastfeeding shamers, we're also conversely, a nation of bottle-feeding shamers too. So, no one wins, right?

I am a breastfeeding mother. But not one who feels the need to shout it from the rooftops. That's not to say I think you're wrong if you do.

Some of us breastfeed proudly, thinking nothing of getting a boob out wherever and whenever their baby is hungry. If you don't like it, you don't have to look, they say.

They take brelfies, to emulate those of gorgeous celebrities feeding gorgeous babies, looking more worthy of a Vogue shoot than a smartphone selfie. Who actually looks like Gisele when they're breastfeeding, by the way? My husband took a candid snap of me dozing and feeding last week, and I deleted it as soon as I found it. With double chin, bed hair and flopped out boob, no Instagram filter in the world would have convinced me to make it public (I'm not a prude, just vain).

These loud and proud breastfeeders stage sit ins or boycotts of establishments who try to ban it, defending their right to breastfeed in public. These mamas are fierce and I respect them.

But I'm not one of them. That big hoo ha about the mother who was breastfeeding in Claridges? I would probably have been wearing the napkin before they asked me. Does that make me a traitor to motherkind?

Some of us, like me, are shy breastfeeders. We seek out the quiet corners or the department stores who have a mother and baby room. We worry about ever being in the shoes of the mother who is asked to stop breastfeeding somewhere, knowing we would never be brave enough to argue or game enough to launch ourselves into the middle of a social media storm.

We're the ones that struggle with breastfeeding shawls to keep our boobs out of sight. Yes, so we're probably making more of a meal of it that someone who whips their boob out openly and comfortably, but to us, uptight as we may be, heaven forfend we should ever flash a nipple.

And yes, I'll admit to doing that thing that gets the ardent breastfeeders most upset. Sometimes I take my baby to the loo to feed him.

"How would you like to eat your lunch in the loo?" they cry. I wouldn't, obviously. But Henry? Let's be honest. He couldn't care less. As long as he's got me (or more accurately, my boob), he's happy as a sandboy. We could be at the table, in the loo, or Timbuktu. And actually, I think he kind of likes the peace and quiet in there, more than a busy, bustling restaurant where there's too much going on.

But here's the thing. Just because I do this, doesn't mean I expect you to do it, too. Some of us can't breastfeed, no matter how much we wanted to. Imagine the additional guilt and sense of failure that's piled on thanks to be breast-is-best mantra.

Some of us do both; breastfeeding most of the time, or some of the time, and supplementing with formula - for a variety of reasons. Does that mean haters from both sides, bottle and breast?

Some of us, and this one must really flummox the haters, express their milk and exclusively bottle feed it to their baby. Some of us choose not to breastfeed at all. And that, there, is the crux of it. It's a choice.

Surely the point of it being every woman's right to feed her baby wherever she chooses is that it's also her right to do so however she chooses? And if that means getting out a bottle to give her bouncing, thriving baby what he needs, so what?

Yes, I get indignant when I read another real life story about a woman who's been shamed for publicly breastfeeding.

But I'm going to get just as riled for those bottle-feeding mums it happens to, too.

It's a sad but true fact that there is a judgemental band of supermummies out there, who will judge you for not co-sleeping, or baby-wearing, or breastfeeding. Don't get me wrong, all those things are wonderful. I do two out of three myself. But while they're wonderful to you or to me, they're not wonderful to everyone.

Being able to breastfeed your baby does not make you a better mother than someone who cannot or does not. We know breast milk is magical for babies. But what if a mother just can't produce any? Or a baby can't get all he needs? Surely it's better for him to be well fed? And what if a mother is ill and has to stop breastfeeding? This happened to a mum I know who was hospitalised with meningitis.

Or what if a mother just isn't comfortable with breastfeeding, full stop? Does she really need a complete stranger having a go at her?

Just as it's not on to publicly shame a breastfeeding mother (like the poor woman who found a picture of herself breastfeeding in an Indiana diner, taken without her knowledge or consent, doing the rounds on social media this week as far and wide as the UK, thanks to the man who took the photo wanting to garner public opinion as to the 'appropriateness' of her actions) it is also not on to shame the bottle feeders either.

Aren't we all just trying to be the best mums we can be? Getting the hang of it all can be ruddy tough. We're all so busy beating ourselves up, why would we want to beat each other up too?

Some of us breastfeed. Some of us don't. Let's get over it.

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