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New Mummy Blog: Was I Right To Discipline Someone Else's Child?

Was our mummy blogger right to reprimand a stranger's child?

My toddler has just had her first run in with an older child and I'm not sure I dealt with it very well.

Now, first of all, my little one is no shrinking violet. She's at nursery part of the week and quickly learnt she had to hold her own if she ever wanted a turn with the most fought-over toys.

Should you discipline someone else's child if they pick a fight with your little one? [Rex]
Should you discipline someone else's child if they pick a fight with your little one? [Rex]



She's also used to socialising with older children there, but they look upon her as some kind of pet, to pat on the head and lead around by the hand.

This was different. I was on the sidelines but could easily see that this boy belonged in the under-threes section of soft play as much as a shark belongs in a goldfish bowl.

And she sensed this boy was different from those friendly older kids she was used to. I saw her hackles up when he veered into her orbit feigning nonchalance, and her scuttling away.

I saw the other little boy sharing the area react in the same way. So wary was he of the older boy that I wondered if there had been an altercation before we had entered the pit. But the little one's mum was sitting at the side, eyes on her phone, unconcerned, so I dismissed it as my usual overprotective mum paranoia.

But I'd been right to be wary. Because then the little blighter marched up to my daughter, looked around and quick as a flash shoved her as hard as he could off a platform, causing her to clunk her head on a plastic slide.

Honor's tough for her age, but can't take on an older child [Copyright/Yahoo]
Honor's tough for her age, but can't take on an older child [Copyright/Yahoo]



I ran up the slide to reach my wailing daughter, while simultaneously shouting at the little boy.

He'd clearly not seen me when he'd looked around before sneakily pushing her, so he almost jumped out of his skin at my angry "No!". I didn't stop to think before releasing a furious tirade at him, spurred on by my toddler's stricken face.

I know the playground is a dog eat dog place and she'll have much worse to contend with before she's grown. But she's not yet two and what sort of mum would I be if I stood by while she gets pushed around by someone twice her size?

But once the heat of the moment passed, I began to feel uneasy. I don't lose my temper as a rule. I don't raise my voice.

Can you decide how to discipline another person's child? [Rex]
Can you decide how to discipline another person's child? [Rex]



With my own child, a simple stern tone to the voice is enough to get her bottom lip wobbling, so I've never really been tested. How would I feel if someone shouted at her?

While of course my husband, her grandparents and her nursery caregivers have the freedom to discipline her as and when they see fit, what about a stranger?

I knew nothing about this little boy. Should I have shouted at him? What if his own parents wouldn't - did I have the right?

"What if he has problems at home?" my friend asked afterwards, piling on the guilt. At the time, I wasn't thinking about any of this. I was simply furious and reacted instinctively.

But what happened next was a little awkward. His mum appeared. She looked at my sobbing daughter, who by this point was crying due to the shock and indignity of what happened rather than any injury (it's called soft play for a reason) and was ever so possibly milking it slightly.

"He didn't hurt her, did he?" she asked, obviously mortified.

I now feel guilty that I shouldn't have told the child off so sternly [Rex]
I now feel guilty that I shouldn't have told the child off so sternly [Rex]



I didn't want to make her feel worse than she clearly already did. Every mum has bad days, every kid has their moments we'd rather forget. No one wants to be the mum of the naughty kid, but at some point we must all take our turn, and as much as I'd felt irrational outrage at the boy, I felt unreserved sympathy for the mum.

And so my resolve evaporated. "Um, well, he did push her. But she's ok, just gave her a fright," I said breezily, while feeling like a coward. Should I have told her I had shouted at him? Had she seen?

"Right!" she shouted. "That's it! We're going. And it's no chips for you!"

And I could see from his face that this meant so much more to him than my raised voice ever could.

[Is Punishing A Child Really The Most Effective Discipline Technique?]

[Child Discipline Tactics: 8 Ideas That Really Work (Smacking Not Included)]