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New Mummy Blog: I'm Struggling To Breastfeed - Why Isn't There More Support Available?

With the pressure put on mums to breastfeed, why isn't there more help available for us women who struggle with it?

As a second time mum, one thing I never expected to have a problem with was breastfeeding.

After all, I’m an old hand, surely, having exclusively breastfed my first daughter for six months and beyond.

Sure, it had been tough to start with – the cracked nipples, the painful let down, the feeling like a human dummy, the insatiably hungry baby who wants to keep me pinned to the sofa for days on end while she feeds, feeds, feeds.

Wanting to breastfeed but not being able to is incredibly frustrating [Rex]
Wanting to breastfeed but not being able to is incredibly frustrating [Rex]

In fact, the pain of breastfeeding in the early days, while we practised and eventually perfected her latch, was almost unbearable.

It was made 10 times worse by what felt like a conspiracy - the refusal of the midwives and health visitors to acknowledge that breastfeeding hurts. A LOT.

Instead they’d brush it aside, insisting what I really meant was ‘uncomfortable’ rather than ‘passing-out-in-agony pain’. Erm, I just gave birth: I’m unlikely to confuse the two.

But gradually the pain eased, and by the time Honor was a month old, we’d got the knack of breastfeeding and I was so pleased to have stuck with it. It suddenly switched from being a thing to dread to a thing of ease, far simpler than having to organise bottles and formula every day.

I eventually got there with my first child, but I'm still struggling with my second [Rex]
I eventually got there with my first child, but I'm still struggling with my second [Rex]


Breastfeeding Struggles Take Two
So this time, with my second baby, I expected the same thing – initial pain that eventually settled down leaving me, and Henry, to feed problem-free.

Sure enough, the first part happened. The problem is that the second part hasn’t.

Henry is now five weeks old and feeding is just as painful now as it was in the first five days. I know I’ll get there in the end – although for now I am trapped in a vicious cycle of blisters and cracks, while Henry struggles to latch on properly.

I know what’s wrong – Henry isn’t opening his mouth wide enough. No matter what I try, and I’ve tried all the tricks in the book, nothing can convince him to drop his Posh Spice pout.

I’ve tried different positions – opposite arm to breast, the rugby ball, and even – at the suggestion of a breastfeeding counsellor – lying Henry on the bed and kneeling over him.

I’m not sure it’s possible to make me feel any more like a cow, even if you put a bell round my neck and called me Daisy.

Celebrities make breastfeeding look so simple [Jamie King/Instagram]
Celebrities make breastfeeding look so simple [Jamie King/Instagram]

Why Can No One Help?
Henry has been checked for tongue tie. I’ve sought advice from the midwives, the health visitors, the NCT breastfeeding helpline. I’ve even looked into paying a private ‘lactation consultant’ to come to my home to help.

No one, it seems, has a magic solution. They tell me if it hurts, I’m doing it wrong (yes, I know). They give me sympathy and commend me for keeping on going, reminding me that breast is best and I mustn’t quit and inadvertently presenting me with the choice of pain or guilt. They tell me to take Henry off and start again every time it hurts.

When I explain that it hurts every time and this would mean Henry doesn’t feed and just gets more and more angry (which in turn makes it even worse), they shrug helplessly. And I return home, no further forward, still dreading the next feed.

But I’m stubborn, and luckily I know it’s worth it to persevere, and it will get better. Eventually. But if this had been my first baby, I’m sure I would have given up by now, unable to cope with the pain, the blisters, the bleeding.


With such emphasis on the importance to breastfeed, I’m amazed there’s not better support available, beyond the first couple of days when the midwives were great.

Instead, I’ve found the best support comes from friends who are also breastfeeding mothers, who don’t judge when you have to resort to using nipple shields or say you feel like giving up.

Who just make you another cup of tea and pass you the biscuits, because they know that even if they can’t take the pain away, they can at least make it that tiny bit more bearable.

[The Celebrity Breastfeeding Photos You Absolutely Have To See]

[Attachment Parenting: The Best Approach For You And Your Baby?]

Do you have any breastfeeding tips to share? Let us know in the comments below.