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New Mummy blog: I can't be a 'tiger mother'

Our first-time-mum realises that she's more of a pussy cat mother.

I’ve always quite liked the term ‘tiger mothers’, conjuring, as it does for me, an image of a super-protective, passionate mama, who will fight tooth and nail for her cubs.

I know that this isn’t the exact meaning of the phrase, intended so much more often to stereotypically describe the somewhat scary, over-zealous but high-achieving parenting style.

And it is in this guise that I have encountered the phrase twice this week. First on reading an interview with Vanessa Mae, the superstar violinist turned Olympic skier, where she spoke of her own ‘tiger mother’.

The second was during a conversation with a local children’s nursery owner, who was bemoaning what he felt (and I paraphrase) was the abysmal state of children’s education in this country, where too much emphasis is placed on letting children be children, and not enough on academic performance. His take seemed to be that Britain could become a great empire again, if only we were teaching our two-year-olds algebra.

This example is more complex for me to interpret. For although I want my baby to have an idyllic childhood, to remain free from the pressures and stresses of the real world for as long as possible, I do also dream of her going on to great success in life and believe it’s my duty to help her get there. However, in the midst of the conversation with the nursery owner, I found myself mentally crossing his facility off the list of potential childcare options for Honor.

So it looks like I’m not ready to be a tiger mother after all.

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But just to make doubly sure, I was prompted to finally pick up the copy of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother that I was given for my birthday this year by another mother. Sparking outrage as it did upon release, with people understandably horrified by author Amy Chua’s unrepentant admissions of endless pushing and harsh parenting methods, I’ve been a little reluctant to see for myself what Chua had to say.

But this week I have started to read it, and although I’m not very far into the book, I am surprised by how I am responding to it. For although I could never consider going to the lengths that Chua has to ensure her children’s success, there’s a little something in her defiance that I like.

It’s the absolute lack of guilt or apology that she wants her children to be the very best they can be. Whilst I may not agree with her methods, I can’t help but agree with this sentiment. Maybe we do have an inflated fear of over-pressuring our children. We’ve all heard the stories of every child getting a medal on sports day so no one is made to feel like a ‘loser’. Where’s the life lesson in that?

Which is all very well, but the biggest problem I have is that I am a pushover with Honor. She’s only months old, yet she runs rings around me. I have a lot to learn before I can claim to be a tiger mother.

Right now, I’m much more of a pussy cat.