New Mummy Blog: The Trick To Eating Out With Small Children

It's my daughter's second birthday and we're out for a family lunch at a local village pub (we did the aquarium first, we're not that mean).

There's food on the table, wine in the glasses and my toddler's holding court, basking in the undivided attention of her parents and all her grandparents.

Except I'm not there. Instead, I'm out in the car park, sitting in the car trying to feed a grumpy, overtired, teething baby. It seems no one told him it's his sister's birthday; he is not in the partying mood.

Some might call us foolish for even trying to have a civilised pub lunch with two little kids in tow. But sometimes we like to go out. And not always for sweaty sandwiches in the leisure centre cafe after soft play either.

Partly it's us clinging to the dying throes of our social life. Evenings are out. Or rather, they're not, and that's the problem. I'm pretty sure the number of nights out we've had since children remains in single digits. So if lunch is all were going to get, sometimes we want to go somewhere nice.

And partly it's the hope that if our children have been going out to eat for as long as they can remember then they'll know how to behave in social situations.

Okay so, again, someone forgot to tell the five month old. But while my two year old can paddy with the best of them, pick her nose then wipe it brazenly on your sleeve and refuse point blank to share, she's pretty good in a restaurant situation. Most of the time.

When I say most of the time, I mean when we bribe her. With snacks.

I turn up to a restaurant with my children with a bag so full of food you'd think I was restocking the kitchen. I'm aware that it renders the eating part of eating out completely redundant, but that's not the point here.

And it's not that I won't order for her from the menu. I do. These are just the pre-starter snacks to buy us time to look at the menu. And the back-up snacks for when she decides, having asked for sausages, that she no longer wants or likes sausages and most certainly shall not be eating them.

The snacks are only one tiny part of the game plan though; a small attempt to delay the ticking time bomb. No matter how well trained, no toddler likes to be strapped into a high chair for the duration of a meal of more than one course, or five minute, whichever is soonest.

By the snack stage, it's almost too late. There are many, many factors in play, most of which you have committed to in advance, that will determine the success, or otherwise, of the outing.

First you must choose your venue carefully. Do they have high chairs? A children's menu? Baby change facilities? Really you need all three. Just two and you can risk it. But if a restaurant has just one, you can be sure it's just an empty gesture. You will not be welcome there.

You must choose your dining companions carefully in advance too. The more adult arms you have on hand to help you out - hold the baby, chop your toddler's food up, keep your wine topped up - the better. But choose with care. Doting grandparents will be perfect. Others may resent your children coming between them and their burger.

Once you're through the door of your carefully chosen restaurant, carefully chosen company by your side, you must choose your table carefully. An easy escape route is recommended, with a clear path to the door in the event of emergency (toddler tantrum, crying baby) to minimise disruption.

You must also choose your food carefully. Go for something that will still be edible when it's cold,or better still was cold in the first place. You're not going to get to eat it until the toddler has been fed. And the baby is probably just waiting for the food to arrive at the table to need a nappy change.

And finally, most importantly, know when it's time to leave.

Is it worth it? All this stress and planning and juggling, just to have a meal out? Yes. I'm sitting in the car and the party is carrying on without me, but that's ok. If I only get five minutes at the table, it's still worth it.

It might be stressful. It might be exhausting. It might be madness to go out and spend money on a meal that I don't manage to eat, Honor refuses to eat and Henry is too young to eat.

But it's important. It's confirmation that there's still a world out there. And that we can still be a part of it. If we try really, really hard.

Do you have any tips for eating out with children? Share them in the comments below.

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