New Mummy Blog: 5 Signs My Daughter Has Become The Boss

My daughter’s a little young for boardroom meetings and office politics; after all, she is only a toddler. But she’s convinced she’s the boss of our household.

I know, it’s a big mistake. Huge. Fatal. It’s the first rule in the parenting handbook; toddlers need rules and boundaries, otherwise they grow into precocious children, self-entitled teens, narcissistic adults.

And so of course I don’t really let her wear the trousers (not all the time, at least). I’m the grown up and she’s the child and the balance of power stays mostly as it should. It doesn’t stop her from trying to topple it though, and while she doesn’t actually rule the roost, she certainly thinks she does.

The evidence:

#1. She demands control all of the tech in the house
She authorises all outbound communication. She confiscates my phone and tablet on sight, telling me time and again “mine!” (i.e. hers) and gets quite exasperated that I clearly never learn.

She takes over the helm at the laptop whenever she sees either parent using it. Apparently our output levels are not to her satisfaction and she has to chip in.

#2. She doesn’t care who she climbs on to get to the top
Mummy or Daddy, either one of us will do.

On the odd, fruitless occasion I’ve tried to squeeze in a quick pilates workout at home when it’s not naptime, she’s grabbed the opportunity to use me as leverage to reach the lofty yet forbidden heights of the mantelpiece.

We probably shouldn’t have let her watch Tarzan: the way she flings herself onto my back and clings on has definitely been learnt somewhere. Most probably a jungle.

#3. She sets the dress code
That sensible matching top and trouser set just won’t do. It must be jazzed up with the addition of a pair of purple pants over the top. And perhaps a dressing gown too.

And as for more formal wear, why on earth would we try pairing her party dress with some party shoes.

Obviously these pink wellies are a much better match.

#4. She is the decision maker
At lunch time, we’ll ask if she wants some cheese. She’ll say no. We’ll then ask what she wants instead.

She’ll say “cheese”. It’s her decision, not ours, okay?

#5. She likes to allocate all seating for the household
And it corresponds with the family’s pecking order, in the World According To Honor.

She gets prime position, naturally, which is usually between Mummy and Daddy.

Sometimes Daddy gets relegated to the other sofa, however, with a stern command: “Sit! There!”.

But he still gets a better deal than baby Henry, who’s obviously bottom of the heap and with no apparent hope of promotion.

She will normally suggest he gets put on his playmat or in his bouncer. Certainly not on a parent’s lap (this is reserved exclusively for her).

Once she suggested he be put in a bucket. I’m still not sure why. But she’s the boss: she doesn’t have to explain herself to me.

[New Mummy Blog: The Differences Between Baby Number One And Two That Every Parent Will Recognise]

[19 Things No One Tells You About Parenting]