Write A Mills & Boon In Tuscany (It’s Harder Than You Think)

Many of us believe we have a book in us. But did you ever think yours might be a Mills & Boon?

You know, those romance novels famed for their bitesize mix of soft-core erotica and fantasy romance, complete with heaving bosoms, straining erections and impossibly good-looking heroes. I’ll admit it wasn’t something I had considered.

But writing a good one is damn tricky. And if you nail it you can give up your job and write about throbbing body parts while wearing your pyjamas. Which sounds like fun.

So to learn the craft I headed to the impossibly romantic setting of The Watermill in Tuscany to learn how to write one for myself.

[How to self-publish your novel]
[Richard and Judy: Writing is the new rock'n'roll]

How hard can it be?

Reassuringly we don’t launch straight into sex scenes, despite the fact that many authors bang these out in the first chapter or two. We at least get the chance to get to know each other a little better before we start getting all hot and bothered.

Veteran romance writer Sharon Kendrick (author of 92 M&B novels) runs the course, which begins on the first morning on the Vine Veranda in the Tuscan sunshine.

Sharon’s a die-hard romantic and reminds us that we really have to feel our characters, that they have to be believable and that their relationship has to work. There's no short cuts to good characterisation, you have to put the time in to work through your characters' backgrounds, what they like and don't, why they are as they are and where they spend Christmas.

Sharon sets us straight to work dreaming up a M&B-worthy hero and heroine and packs us off from the morning session with writing homework.

But first there’s lunch. Part of this experience is La Bella Vita Italia and food is a vital part of that. It’s always delicious with mainstays of delicate mozzarella and big beef tomato tarts, beautiful salads and juicy focaccia.

Back on the veranda with our writing tasks in hand, Sharon’s feedback can be blunt but her praise genuine, and I start to realise that I’m not just going to be able to blag my way through this.

The Romance

Let me introduce you to Luca di Silva, star of our group’s collective attempt at a M&B. He’s a billionaire (they’re always billionaires) property developer from Florence, but he’s at the helm of a huge company with offices in the UK. Which is where he met Ella, our heroine.

Ella is Luca’s incredibly efficient PA but has a whole world of trouble going on at home, and comes to the office looking so grey and drab that he’s never noticed that she’s actually a great beauty.

Until one evening he finds her scantily clad serving cocktails in a pervy bar he’s been dragged to by his boorish rich mates.

He’s horrified at the unprofessional behavior but can’t help wonder why she’s doing this and more importantly how he never noticed this stunning woman who’s been sat under his nose all these years?!

With new eyes he makes her an offer she can’t refuse, and while in her head she knows getting involved with her boss is a bad idea, she can’t help but be attracted to this gorgeous, powerful man. He’s obviously attracted to her too but is he capable of loving her? Especially when her baggage is spilled on the table?

The group

Predictably this kind of holiday attracts women. The group I am with is a diverse mix of Brits (though often people travel from far further afield to attend), from every corner of the Isle and with a variety of fascinating backgrounds, careers and viewpoints.

All writers thrive on meeting people and discovering more about real characters, so the diversity of the group, helped by the fact that most people attend the course on their own, made for lively discussion and fabulous life stories.

We also spent a lot of time laughing - not always at our own attempts at erotica. Sharon is a great ringleader but manages to be part of the group and in charge at the same time. She’s also down to earth enough to laugh at the ridiculous elements that go into a romance novel, while defending the genre from our giggles.

The sex

Despite knowing each other for only a few days, when the time came round to read aloud our sex scenes, replete with the obligatory throbbing members, velvet lengths, hot cores and molten sexes, the potentially-hideous embarrassment dissipated into humour and, perhaps unexpectedly, serious discussion.

Of course writing a convincing, moving and genuinely erotic sex scene is absolutely key to a M&B romance story and it’s difficult to achieve, without drifting into cliché and hiding behind over-used stock phrases.

The takeaway

I’m not sure there could be a more perfect setting for a writing course. The weather is glorious and many hours can be sent sitting in the sunshine, pondering your plot.

Bill, who owns the place with his wife Lois, tells me that many people come away to The Watermill to make big decisions and changes in their life. They take up new skills such as painting, writing or even knitting, and find that the peace and tranquility help them see the bigger picture.

I know what he means. The week away feels like a true break, despite actually spending a decent amount of time learning, thinking and writing. I think something about using your brain in a different way helps you relax and makes the holiday feel longer than perhaps spending the same amount of time lazing on a beach would.

So will you see me as a bestselling M&B author? Well I hope so. Luca and Ella need me to weave them together - they won’t manage on their own. And I feel empowered to actually sit down and make it happen. From planning the plot to understanding the pitfalls, avoiding clichés and troubleshooting, coming up with a collective story has helped me understand why all my previous attempts at writing a whole book have fizzled out at a few thousand words.

However I may write it under a pseudonym. I don’t think my mum needs to know about that secret life…

Kim stayed at The Watermill at Posara, which holds creative writing and painting holidays in Tuscany. Writer Sharon Kendrick will be leading another ‘Writing Romance’ course from 2-9 May 2015. Other writing courses this year include TV comedy and scriptwriting with Laurence Marks (6-13 September) and Crime Writing with Meg Gardiner (4-11 October).

A week’s holiday costs from £1,310 pp (two sharing) including transfers (Pisa), all tuition, seven nights’ full-board accommodation, pre-dinner aperitifs, local travel and a mid-week excursion.  Flights extra. The Watermill at Posara (020 7193 6246, www.watermill.net/writing-holidays).