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Katie Hopkins: If I Get A Bingo Trip For Mother's Day I'll Write My Kids Out Of The Will

The Loud Mouth Finds Out What All The Fuss Is About Down At Mecca Bingo

In his budget George Osborne told us we should be enjoying more of the finer things in life – like beer and bingo. I decided he might be on to something, and trotted off to Mecca Bingo to find out what all the fuss was about.



As loyal customers wobbled through the doors swinging their sandwiches and flasks of tea, Nigel the manager welcomed them like a vicar at church. These were the faithful making their daily pilgrimage to the slot machines and the bingo hall.

He even took to his pulpit at one point to give us a friendly sermon about Mothering Sunday. Nigel was offering free Thornton’s chocolates for every lady on their special day. If any child of mine ever suggests Mecca Bingo for Mothering Sunday I will write them out of the will.



Mecca Bingo is run by a company called Rank. I thought it would be. I expected it to smell like carpets in old people’s homes. But this massive place of bingo worship was warm and clean.

Even so, I don’t understand the young people wasting away their lives in this place. The two young women that shared the same bleach on their hair must be missing something if they think this is a good way to spend a day; work or brains or both.

Looking at the table menu, they are definitely not missing out on carbs. Cheesy chips are big sellers. There is a picture of a carrot next to any vegetarian option. Mecca Bingo clearly holds vegetarians in the same regard as rabbits. They have a point.



Some have overindulged. A lady just across from me is sat at a table where two seats are replaced by one extra wide one. I blame the ‘Mini Doughnut Cheesecake’ at £2.29. If you are putting doughnuts on a cheesecake, you need to step away from Mecca and think about lent.

These ladies may not be built for speed, but give them a book of bingo numbers and they turn into Vorderman on Prozac. ‘Look down for a line’ said the caller.

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[Katie finds Aldi full of sausages floating in yellow liquids]

I thought she said look down for nine. I was still looking for nine when someone aged 75 shouted 'house'. I was made to look slow by someone twice my age.

It got me thinking. If I was old and alone, maybe I would come to Mecca Bingo; for the warmth, the company and to keep the grey matter moving.



It is a very modern kind of religion – but it is one I begrudgingly admire.

Nigel takes care of his people, and in turn they are welcoming to useless newcomers like me. I walked in expecting to hate Mecca Bingo. I walked out a member of the congregation. By George – I think I have been converted.

For that I say ‘Praise Be’.