Katie Hopkins: M&S Is More Grannies In Pants Than Leading Ladies

M&S blew us away this year with a bold new advertising campaign ‘Leading Ladies’ shot by Annie Leibovitz.

They said “Annie’s photography has become synonymous with defining key moments in the history of brands and this campaign is the ideal way to illustrate M&S’ move into a new era.”

Given all this hype, I decided it was time to pay Marks a visit. I was disappointed.

They may well be advertising a new era – but the experience in store is as old as ever.  Everyone in here looks like my mum - WI ladies with curly blonde hair and a casual gilet over a comfy sweater.

These items are available on every rail. The Classic Collection has a gilet in sludge brown with gold buttons - like a slug with expensive eyes. Per Una brightens things up with the same garment in hot pink - less slug, more flak jacket for those desperate to be shot.

Despite the fact the Leading Ladies of M&S don’t flash so much as an ankle in the ads – the store is determined old people should get their cankles out. There are 7/8 trousers designed ‘to sit just above the ankle’ – just short enough to flash a fawn sock and sandal. Cropped jeggings with an elasticised waist are advertised to ‘sit on the hips and fit like a second skin’. Reaching up to the dizzy heights of size 24, a cropped jegging is not a look for any lady, leading or otherwise.

To compliment the cankle what better than a top from one of the departments designed to offer you alternatives. Indigo is for those who remember the kaftan the first time round but still think it is a good idea and Per Una is so dull I found myself playing Scrabble. Prune was the best I could do – a five-letter word and a fitting description of the skin of the Per Una wearer – not bad.

[Katie Hopkins: Full-time mum is NOT a job title]

[Katie Hopkins on the five types of mum she HATES]

The sleepwear section has the words ‘hospital stay’ written all over it - the sort of stay where the wearer comes out in a box. The embroidered fleece dressing gown is a monstrosity – and something my gran would refuse to wear. And she is already dead. The label warns you to keep it away from naked flames - someone better alert the crematorium sharpish.

Despite some brighter moments in the underwear aisle playing Minnie Mouse and enjoying the 40GG citrus bras (40GG! Seriously? I wear kid’s trainer bras), there was a lot more suck it in and smooth it down than perk it up. Something about the labelling of the ‘firm control panties’ made me shiver and think of a dodgy gynaecologist. Who calls knickers panties these days?

M&S doesn’t make me feel like a Leading Lady. It makes me feel 20 years older.  A pair of control pantees with a 7/8 trouser and all I need is a ‘Blue Harbour’ husband dribbling along behind me to complete the look.
M&S – the adverts are great, but your stores aren’t delivering on the promises you make.