Yahoo LifestyleHow To Tell If Your Relationship Is Over
It can be tempting to stay in an OK relationship because you're scared of the alternative, but sex and relationships expert Dr Pam Spurr has a fool-proof litmus test to find out if your relationship's for keeps - or needs to end
Sometimes you just know about a relationship, and other times doubts swim through your mind. You’re plagued by questions: 'Is he the one, my soulmate, the big love of my life?' Even 'is the sex good enough to stay'?
It can become a bit of an obsession, especially as you hit your 30s and you’re questioning life’s directions. But there are many clues to help make your decision. I like to call them love’s little litmus tests.
Check these eight essential ‘tests’ to help you make a decision:
Love Litmus Test No. 1: The eye-rolling syndrome
Have you started rolling your eyes at everything he says? This is one key signs that someone’s got to the point in a relationship where there’s little hope. It’s a clear indicator of a complete lack of respect - not good for a happy love life.
If he does it to you when you speak, trust me things are going downhill fast.
Love Litmus Test No. 2: Flirting becomes fantasising
Even when we’re deeply in love people often have a little flirty banter at the office. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s a bit of fun. And your mind’s fully concentrated on the man you really love… unless you’ve now found yourself fantasising about someone else.
You wonder what he’d be like in bed and as a partner. Plus you get super-psyched when you know you’ll see him at work. A clear sign that your partner, and your relationship, isn't holding your attention.
Love Litmus Test No. 3: Your five-year plan
Most of us think to the future and have goals where we’ll be in five years. Be honest with yourself, when thinking about career or personal life, does he really feature five years down the line? Because if you’re thinking of how fabulous, e.g., your career will be at that point, and he’s not alongside you, it’s telling you something.
Love Litmus Test No. 4: Deal-breakers seem more important
When we’re in the first flush of love classic deal breakers don’t seem like such a big deal. He says he doesn’t want children (you do), you say you never want to live in the country (he does), etc. Those things just don’t matter because you’re convinced love will conquer all. Now though they play on your mind and that means it’s time to face them and whether they really will break things up.
Love Litmus Test No. 5: It was a whirlwind
Your eyes locked onto each other like laser-guided missiles and you plunged into a whirlwind. Many months later and it feels very different. Are you constantly thinking: 'Why did I jump into things so quickly? It's a true sign this really isn’t where you want to be.
Unfortunately due to lots of pressure of people waving their fingers and saying I said you were taking things too fast, means people stay put when really they want to get out. But don't let other people's smug reactions encourage you to make the wrong decision.
Love Litmus Test No. 6: The pressure is on
As far as you’re concerned things are going okay but now he’s pressuring you to take it to the next level. If you’re not living together, he wants you to. If you’re not married, he’s asking for that to happen next.
If this all feels like pressure, pressure, pressure - and no joy - it signals you really don’t want to take it to the next level.
Love Litmus Test No. 7: Only the lonely
I’m asking you for complete honesty on this one ( though let’s face it, you need complete honesty on the others too) – are you with him because you were lonely when you met him? Do you fear being lonely again? If your answer’s yes then this is not the love of your life.
He shouldn’t be used as an emotional crutch. Far better to start boosting your general confidence and that’ll help you enjoy your own company more.
Love Litmus Test No. 8: Memories
Are you relying on good memories from the past to keep you going? Do you think back to your first few months together wishing it could be like that? Have you not generated any good memories together in recent months? Sounds like things fizzled out a while ago.
Running through these litmus tests in your mind might finally flag up the direction you want to go. They might help you see clearly that actually things are pretty damn good. Or that he might’ve been Mr Right earlier on but now he’s Mr Wrong and it’s time to face it.
For more love and sex advice, visit www.drpam.co.uk and find me on Twitter.
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