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Farewell FOMO: How to Find Your JOMO (Joy Of Missing Out)

Thanks to social media we've all got a bit obsessed with doing things all the time (and showing off about them) but it's time to take a step back - 2014 is the year of JOMO

It’s Monday 8.30am, you’re on a packed commuter train with that second-day hangover feeling and a long, exhausting week of work stretching ahead. You can’t wait to get the day over with so you can get cosy at home, eat some healthy home-cooked food, NOT open a bottle of wine, and have that ever-elusive early night. And repeat every night until Friday.



Then you check your Instagram feed: Friend looking cosy in club with Sophie-Ellis Bextor; close-up of ‘achingly hip new cocktail’ in achingly hip new bar; selfie of smiley couple in beanies on ski slope; view from infinity pool at Moroccan yoga retreat (pedicured toes in foreground); VIP invitation to Bafta after-party lying casually on MacBook keyboard…

Suddenly, your penne and PJs night ain’t looking so hot. So you head straight to Facebook in search of a life. Three event invitations, two wall posts and an email later, your week is booked up to the hilt again – and that’s before you’ve even arrived at work. Oh well, there will be plenty of time sleep when you’re dead, right?

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If this scenario sounds familiar – or you compulsively check in to your social networks several times a day to see what others are up to – the chances are you’re sitting somewhere on the FOMO spectrum.

The term FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) was coined a couple of years ago to describe a growing anxiety about missing out on events and activities, exacerbated by the overexposure of other people’s private and social lives on social networks.

The term, which was quickly pounced on by the press and social media, even bagged itself a place in the Oxford English Dictionary.


So what exactly is it that we’re all afraid of missing out on – and what can we do to rein in these anxieties?

‘When I quit my office job to go freelance, I was looking forward to taking a step back from the relentless social life and living a more chilled-out existence,’ says Sophie, 28, a graphic designer.

‘If anything, the opposite happened. With no boss looking over my shoulder, the temptation to keep checking my social feeds was too much,’ she explains.

‘Because I was used to working in a vibrant, sociable environment I felt very isolated – my social networks helped me to feel connected.

‘I’d spend all day scrolling through Facebook to see what my friends were getting up to. But the more I witnessed, the more isolated I felt.

‘If the incessant pictures of hilarity in the office and drunken behaviour in bars weren’t bad enough, each shot would be accompanied by endless comments packed with private jokes. And I couldn’t join in because, well, you had to be there and I wasn’t.

‘In the end, I got myself a new job because I just couldn’t face spending the days alone, watching the rest of the world carry on without me.’

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Sophie’s story is not unusual. Last year Britain found itself in the grip of the #FOMO phenomenon, reaching its peak, unsurprisingly, during the festive season.

In December 2013, researchers predicted that festive FOMO would affect almost 10m Brits. The study revealed that one in five (18 per cent) worry about turning down social events over the Christmas period in case they miss out and the same number attend more than one event a night with 43 per cent of those juggling three events or more.

Meanwhile, 15 per cent of Brits said they accepted social invites purely so they could be seen to be there and almost 10 per cent had attended an event just so they could tag their location on social media.



So if 2013 saw the FOMO phenomenon explode, what can we expect for 2014?

It’s good news for FOMO sufferers, according to global communication brand, JWT, who predict 2014 will be the year of JOMO: The Joy Of Missing Out.

A backlash against FOMO, the Joy Of Missing Out is driven by a global shift towards Mindful Living, which JWT cites as one of their top 10 trends for 2014.

Anne Mack, the company’s director of trend-spotting, sums this up: ‘You're enjoying what you're doing in the here and now and not on social media broadcasting or seeing what everybody else is doing.’

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But how easy is it to make the transition from FOMO to JOMO? Rebecca Churcher, 35, an advice officer for a mental health charity, made the leap, when she discovered Mindfulness Meditation.

‘I’ve always had a busy, active mind so when I went on maternity leave and had no other stimulation than hanging out with my beloved under-one, I struggled with the boredom,’ she explains.

‘I found myself constantly checking Facebook and even work emails. But because I checked them so frequently, I was repeatedly faced with no new messages, which left me with a hollow feeling of being ignored and left out.’

Then Rebecca came across a book – ‘Life With Full Attention’. Based on the practice of Mindfulness Meditation, the book by Maitreyabandhu promotes the idea of being present to your own experience and environment, free from distractions.

‘After a few weeks of following the exercises and mindfulness meditation techniques, I found I was more involved and absorbed in each moment with my baby. And each day I was able to go an hour or two without switching on my computer I felt much more at peace and empowered.’

Rebecca, 35, was so inspired by her experience of Mindfulness Meditation, she has now set up regular lunchtime sessions at her work  - that’s one way to avoid spending your lunch-hour staring at your social news feeds.

Try Rebecca’s basic five-step technique below:

1. Find a quite place to sit ideally so that your feet are on the ground and your back straight.
2. Do a body scan. Bring awareness to the souls of your feet. Feel the weight of them on the ground. If there are any tensions try to relax them. Bring that same awareness up through your body taking each body part in turn. Notice tension and breath into the area. Take your time.

3. Focusing on breathing in and out, begin counting each ‘out’ breath, from one to ten. If your mind wanders that’s okay. Note that it has wandered without judgment and gently bring your attention back to your breath. Each time your mind wanders start from the beginning. This will happen a lot initially but it will get easier. Do this for five minutes.

4. Now repeat the same process at step two but count the in breath. Do this for five minutes

5. Next drop the counting and focus solely on your breath. Again, whenever your mind wanders gently note that and bring your attention back to your breath. Do this for five minutes

6. For the final five minutes notice where your breath enters your body without focusing on the whole breath. This may be your top lip or just inside your nostrils.