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WEDDING BLOG: Even The Best Grooms Do WAY Less Than The Bride. Truth

More than half of grooms 'pay no part' in the organising of their wedding. And it's true, brides are the ultimate event planners

There's three and a half weeks to go and the countdown is really on.

There's an incredibly huge amount to do because I've been all 'laid back and relaxed and not freaking out' about it all when really I should have been 'totally on it and sorting s*** out' for months. I mean HOW long have I been engaged*? (*18 months).

It turns out mirrorballs don't buy themselves. You can have that little nuggest of wedding advice for free.

We have two glitter mirror disco balls. It's ON (REX)
We have two glitter mirror disco balls. It's ON (REX)

Apologies in advance for bemoaning being the bride in this situation and resorting to utter cliche, but when it comes to weddings, the blokes have it easy.

And I'm one of the lucky ones. My groom is completely engaged (haha) in the wedding process and keen to help. And yet I'm still swamped with 90 per cent of the to-do list.

So a survey that found more than half of grooms play no part in their wedding didn't exactly surprise me.

In my case, it's partly because Adam can't go and get my hair cut for me, or make a decision on whether I should have a fake tan or not, or even choose which foundation I should wear.

But it's partly because it appears that I'm an insane control freak and have wrestled control of everything originally on his to do list because I just don't trust anyone - including my future life partner - to do it right.

Yeah it's hilarious that YOU STILL HAVEN'T ORGANISED THE FOOD (Siobhan Watts)
Yeah it's hilarious that YOU STILL HAVEN'T ORGANISED THE FOOD (Siobhan Watts)

The reasons given by grooms for lack of involvement in the VoucherCloud study were:

1. Partner did not allow me to get involved in the organisation – 53%
2. I offered ideas but they were dismissed – 41%
3. I had too many other commitments in my schedule – 33%
4. I was happy to leave the decisions to my partner – 26%
5. I was not interested in contributing – 18%

One, two, three and four I can definitely identify with.

Homemade Wedding

Our wedding is pretty DIY so part of the reason I have to have my finger in every tiny bit of it is because I just can't imagine Adam knowing - let alone caring - how to create decent-looking table decorations, menus and seating plans. And as he tends to throw money at the problem I fear he'd just buy something twee and expensive from Paperchase, when I'm determined to be more original and thrifty.

Plus he doesn't even know what Pinterest is.

I'm making a rod for my own back. Several actually. A cat'o'nine tails if you will.

As the wedding gets VERY close, it's time to sort out all the things I'd left until 'nearer the time'. The table plan (and as a side note, for God's sake WHY does no one RSVP. I am not a mind-reader*!) (*actually I am and if you're worried I've probably assumed you're coming and predicted your dietary requirements), the final menu order, the order of service, bulk buying confetti, stickers and ribbons, deciding what colour ties the men should wear, making favours... etc etc.

And while Adam is on hand to do stuff, I end up thinking that because it's all in my head I may as well do it myself. Because then I'll know that it's been done.

It's to the detriment of everything else in my life of course, I only have one head and it's full of wedding crap I'm afraid.

I hope Adam's time will come. As he's actually in the wedding band, it's his responsibility to sort them out, and that extends to all entertainment, electrical needs of said entertainment and setting up the DJs.

Though I ordered the afforementioned mirror balls so who knows?

Lessons in making up (Yahoo)
Lessons in making up (Yahoo)

Bridal Extras

But the main problem is the beauty stuff.

I could organise the whole wedding single-handedly if I didn't also have to go to the gym ALL THE FLIPPING TIME, schedule in hair dyeing, trialling, accessorising and finalising, find time to have a fake tan practise, stop biting my nails (I love biting my nails) and decide what I'm going to do to them and where and when.

I can't afford to have my make-up done, so I've had to spend hours working out how to do it myself so it doesn't look pants in the pictures-we'll-keep-forever. Then I've had to decide what products to buy, what colour lipstick to wear (I CAN'T DECIDE, HELP ME) and find time to wear in my shoes at work so Adam doesn't see what they are. Because otherwise my feet are going to hurt and the dress is too long to wear Converse.

What does the groom have to do? Buy a suit and get a hair cut.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say I will probably look a bit better than him. My gym time's totally paid off, I have a lot more hair on my head and make-up is every sleepless bride's saviour.

But really, it's just not fair is it?

I'm not even particularly vain (as they go). But I think it comes down to the pressure we (and our foremothers) have grown up with. Though we've been trying to tackle the problem for decades, women are still judged more on what they look like. And every bride wants - and is expected - to look beautiful on their wedding day.

And with all eyes landing on me the moment I step onto that aisle, I'm not immune to the pressure.

Because of this I'm scared of doing my own make-up in case I don't look as good as I could do if I got a professional. How crazy is that? I do my make-up every single day. I'm totally capable of making me look like me. Why isn't that enough?

Sadly, I don't think there's an answer. There's so much beauty help available to women that we're made so aware of by celebs and the media, who wouldn't take advantage of it?

Er, posed by models (REX)
Er, posed by models (REX)

Can Grooms Do More?

I don't know how we're going to change the balance of wedding organising. I think all grooms can do is do a bit of research (get on Pinterest, read some wedding blogs, HAVE SOME OPINIONS) and be prepared to suggest which parts they want to be responsible for. But as it stands, it's still the bride's domain.

Even if, like me, you never thought about your wedding until you got engaged, you still develop strong ideas about what you want it to be like - and don't.

Perhaps the only way to make a change is to give away that perfectionism and accept that it might not be exactly how your pin-board made it look. It doesn't really matter anyway.

But for me, that's total lip-service. Adam was ready and willing to take on much of the burden and I failed to let him. So this wedding is MINE. He's just lucky I've got such good taste...

[Six Weeks Before The Wedding Is Perfect: Can We Press Pause?]
[Take The Wedding Diet OFF Of Your Checklist]