Does It Matter If Lady Gaga Takes Her Fiancé's Name?

Lady Gaga, real name Stefani Germanotta, has revealed that when she marries she will take financé Taylor Kinney's surname.

The news has made some waves in the media, which means either it's a big deal that a woman who's made a name for herself (pun intended) wants to change it, or that it's a slow news day and 'woman plans to change her name after marriage' is all they could find.

If it's the former it echoes something I've been struggling with in my first month as a wife. I'm yet to make a decision on whether to take my husband's name or not. And while some women (perhaps Gaga included) seem to find it a happy and easy choice, for me it's rather agonising.

Should Women Take Their Husband's Name?

Do I take this opportunity to reinvent myself, combine us as a singly-named family unit and mark myself as an official Mrs, or do I make a statement that I have no need to change my name and stick to Ms. My husband and I are no less of a team for having different names.

I don't think there's anything wrong with taking your husband's name. And obviously you can be a feminist and make that choice - that's not up for discussion. But I am finding it difficult as the woman that I'm the one that's expected - and it really is expected - to change my identity to fit into tradition.

And that's why I think it would be nice if female role models - such as Gaga - kept their own names, to balance the heavy expectations out with an alternative. After all, more than 60 per cent of people still think that a woman 'should' take her husband's name after marriage. But there's no 'should' about it. Except that it 'should' be a choice.

The number of people who've asked me 'what I'll be' when I get married, or just assumed I'll change my name is bizarre. At least ask 'if' first.

I decided to leave it hanging until I'm sure (if I ever am) because I don't want to regret it. I'm not especially attached to my name (I write under a different one for a start) but I always feel a pang when I see one of my Facebook friends change her name and I don't want to feel a pang every time I see my new name.

Celebrity Name Changers

Most famous women don't, at least publically, change their names. But Angelina Jolie's recent New York Times byline included -Pitt, Jessica Biel reportedly changed her name to Timberlake and now Lady Gaga. It seems there's a trend emerging.

Lady Gaga is somewhat different. If you're known to everyone by a pseudonym does it matter what you're known as in private?

But she, and these other famous women, are role models, and we already have enough visibility for the choice of changing your name when you marry, so I can't help feeling it would be nice for more of those with influence to show the other view - that you don't have to. To normalise it for the rest of us.

Because for most of us, it's totally stacked the other way. And to change the bias we need more women - famous and not - to keep their name if they want to. And perhaps more men to change theirs. How about Taylor Germanotta then?

Mrs My Husband

It's also much easier for me to just become Mrs My Husband. To double barrel by deedpoll requires four signatures and in some case lawyers, whereas having a certificate to prove I've married is enough for me to change banks, hospital records and official documents to my married name.

Plus it's fun, right? You get to change your whole name and reinvent yourself a little.

It feels like everything is lined up for me to just stop quibbling and do it, and it's just my stubborn streak putting me off.

I think it's hard not to change your name. There's all that pressure and tradition plus often a desire to mark marriage as the big life change it is by making such a gesture. Saying no to all that is difficult.

I wish I hadn't already overthought it so much that I will always struggle over my decision. Part of me clearly wants to change my name, or I wouldn't be so torn, but it's my name and it has been for 30 years. Am I letting it down?

Whatever I go for I will always have a lot of respect the women who stay true to their names, even if I can't.

Perhaps if more of us do, one day whose name to go for will be a decision made my couples, rather than a sacrifice made by the woman.

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