Being A Wedding Guest Is EXPENSIVE. I’m Really Sorry.

It’s not like I didn’t feel guilty enough already, spending a fortune on a single’s day’s festivities, making my friends and family trek back to the home county on a Friday, and asking them to give me stuff.

Then I read an article titled: Hey, Brides: Weddings Are Hideously Expensive for Guests, Too. And now I feel extra bad. Thanks Jezebel.

Weddings really do seem to suck for everyone.

My capacity for middle-class guilt is rivalled only by those North London types overheard in Waitrose worrying about the sustainability of their dried pulses. So I feel pretty bad about this.

And so now, on top of worrying about how many people I can fit on my guestlist, I have to worry about how many I can reasonably ask to pay the transport/hotel/gift entrance fee that weddings require.

[Wedding blog: Why I WILL Have A Feminist Wedding]
[Should I Change My Name When I get Married?!]

And as I don’t want to spend much money on my own wedding, I’m already feeling pretty bad that I’m about to start a list of demands that my guests will have to splash out on.

We’re trying to cover the cost of as much as possible. After all, our friends and family didn’t choose for us to get married, they’re just there to show their support. It shouldn’t cost them an arm and a leg.

But according to the aforementioned article, the cost of a wedding is sky-high before you even factor in getting the obligatory gift (even if the invite suggests your ‘presence is the only present we need’).

In the US, the average spend on a wedding is $592 PER WEDDING attended. That’s crazy. I won’t even be spending that much on myself for my own wedding.

So we’re planning a free (wine and beer) bar, arranging transport between the ceremony and reception and as it’s in our hometown, offering up the spare beds/sofas/floors of our friends and family to out-of-towners (not that they know that yet).

It’s not a destination wedding so at least most people can stay with friends or parents, but there are already two people potentially jumping on long-haul flights to make our nuptials. Which makes me feel happy, grateful, guilty and under pressure in equal measures.

If my mate flies in from California to see me get married I’d better at least splash out on a favour for her to remember the occasion by, right?

Then we get to the gift list. Wedding gifts are something I have a bit of a problem with anyway. I love choosing, making and giving presents so I’ve never had a problem getting wedding presents for my friends. But when a couple asks for money I’m in a bit of a quandary. It feels so impersonal, but it’s the thing that will be most use to them setting out in their new life together.

No less impersonal really is making a list of kitchen appliances that people can ask a department store to send me.

On the other hand, I don’t expect everyone who’s coming to know us so well that they could or would want to buy us something they just know we'd really love, or expect them to spend that time worrying about it.

And as everyone's so pushed for time and stressed out, I don't want to pile pressure on by not even making a suggestion on the invite.

A survey by VoucherCodesPro.co.uk found that the majority of couples getting married will ask for money instead of wedding presents, with only 21 per cent opting for the traditional gift list.

Hardly surprising as after a wedding the average debt couples are in is over five grand. Perhaps any way we can claw back some financial independence should be applauded. And at least the guests will get a nice meal out of it.

Perhaps the bride and groom should just lay out some stipulations. If you have to shell out on a flight, don’t bother with a gift. If you need to stay over and the only hotel rooms left are top of the range, just get us a bottle of wine.

We’re really trying to invite only people who would care to see us married, or at least who would be up for partying with us when we’ve done it. So when they do find they need to buy a new dress, splash out on a hotel room, pay for a cab AND stick some cash in an envelope they won’t mind too much.

And we’ll do our best to stay together, so you don’t feel cheated of your cash contribution/thoughtful present when we get divorced. No promises though.

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