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Why do men sometimes just stop calling?

Dear Lady and The Scamp,

I met a guy online last month. We met and he seemed genuine and caring. We had (what I thought were) three great dates, conversations every day on the phone and exchanged hundreds of emails. He seemed keen, then all of a sudden nothing! No contact! Is this usual? Should I forget about online dating, or do most men do this when they want to end a relationship?

EA

Kevin says:

Yes this is completely usual, didn't you know? Men prefer to quit casual relationships in the same way they'd leave a Tesco after accidentally knocking a jar of Uncle Ben's Sweet and Sour Sauce off the shelf and leaving a puddle of sweet red gunk spreading through the aisle. Walk sheepishly away, and don't look back.

The reason being, it's easier. If he goes to the till and explains that he smashed a jar of sweet and sour sauce, it will only lead to an awkward — possibly confrontational — exchange. But ultimately it won't save the jar of sauce so what's the point? True, the Tesco staff may appreciate his honesty but they may also make him pay for the jar or something. He's better off going to a different supermarket and getting what he wants there.

This is a selfish way to behave but it's only a jar of sauce, after all. And with you, after all, he'd only been on three dates. So I guess the damning conclusion you can draw is that he hasn't contacted you because you meant little more to him than an Uncle Ben's condiment. And again, this is not uncommon, especially in online dating where guys may be "exchanging hundreds of emails" with several girls at once. But Uncle Ben's are among the most popular cooking sauces so don't feel too bad.

[See also: When to reveal your romantic agenda]

This doesn't mean you should give up on online dating or on men, just be aware that it's a brutal, disposable business. By uploading your picture to a website alongside thousands of competing women, you are voluntarily placing yourself in a Tesco of sex. Maybe you'd improve your chances if you teamed up with a mate and arranged a Buy One, Get One Free offer?

Christine says:

Well, something's happened that's for sure. What happened on your last date? Did you say you voted for Nick Griffin or that you liked eating pickled rollmops in bed while watching Loose Women? The thing about dating sites is people often 'keep their options open' or rather their profile, even after meeting someone. You know, just in case. As you met him online I'd be willing to bet you won't have been the only woman he's been regaling with hilarious anecdotes about the time he went to watch Wigan play Ipswich Town and his mate Fat Barry put him upside-down in a bin.

Even if he hasn't met someone else, one thing's for sure - he's an awful coward. It sounds like you had a bit more than just a cursory click on each other's faces so he could have ended this sooner if it wasn't right. Unfortunately not everyone can instantly fall into a blissful union of thoughts and feelings. Most people hang around looking confused and then go 'oh you'll do' and it's a lot easier to break up with someone that you don't think will do in the cyber world. If you stop replying, you don't have to have the awkward chat, answer the questions or see the tears. And we all know how men despise the hat-trick that is: chat-questions-tears.

Or maybe he's lost his memory in a recent parachuting accident, in which case, we should all be very ashamed of ourselves for besmirching this man's good name. I'd take the fact that he's ignoring you as your answer and move on, or you could contact him and ask. But as a friend of mine found to her cost when she asked a guy 'What happened? Was it me or was it you?' She got the reply 'Erm, it was you'. Well she did ask…

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