What to do if your partner is a mummy’s boy
My boyfriend and I live together and he's a real mummy's boy. He does whatever his mum tells him and it's starting to affect our relationship. Is this normal for guys and should I say something?
Athena
Christine says:
Oh dear, oh dear. What shall we do with mummy's little soldier? Probably tell him to grow up and stop being such a wuss.
In a way it's nice that he has such a great relationship with his mum and doesn't just shout 'I'm putting you in a home!' down the phone at her. It's normally girls that are better at ringing their mum and making sure she gets acknowledged on birthdays and Christmases, so it's a good sign that he cares.
However, some mothers find it difficult to let go when their little bunny-bumpkins moves out, even more so when they shift their affection to another woman. Without getting too Freudian, she's probably a little jealous and likes to still be in control, and he probably likes still getting his pants bought for him and his sandwiches cut into the shape of a boat.
You have to live in this environment so if it's too much for you, then you're going to have to say something - but to him. Going to his mum will just make you the bad guy. Explain to him you don't want to stop him having a close relationship with his mum but that he's an adult now and it's interfering in your life together. Tell him it's time to cut the apron strings as all this mollycoddling is not attractive, or quite frankly, he can go to his room and stay there! But whatever you do, don't make him choose. Not unless you're really good at making boat sandwiches.
Kevin says:
If you're having boy problems I feel bad for you son, but I'm not sure you can blame all your relationship difficulties on his mum. I don't know why I did a Jay-Z intro; those aren't even the right words. It did rhyme though, so shut up! And anyway I was making a point. Namely: What can his mum possibly be telling him that affects your life so much? Is she telling him to stop having baths? I'm sure he can make his own decisions too.
'Mummy's boy' is a phrase that's often levelled at men in an attempt to undermine their masculinity. And why? Just because they're nice to the person who put them on this earth? It's normal for men idolise their mum, whether it's Ronnie Corbett or Ronnie Kray.
Seriously, in many cultures mums aren't deemed as uncool as they are here. Lots of blokes live with their mums forever — they take their wife and kids with them. And it's nice. But I suppose you'd rather he put her in the shed instead, and fed her offal. Like a real man.
Also, you should be careful not to make an enemy of his mum, especially if he listens to her as much as you say. She'll no doubt sense your animosity - a woman knows, apparently.
All I'm saying is: Have a think about whether there are other issues you need to address in your relationship, as you're probably just blowing this mummy's boy thing out of proportion. Now I have to go to beddy-byes. If I stay up too late I won't get a story.
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