When you should definitely call things quits

Dear Lady and The Scamp,

I went out with a girl and the first night I spent with her, she said she loved me. The day after I explained that I couldn't have the same feelings for her and that I didn't want to hurt her so we mutually agreed to end it but now I find myself back with her and still have no feelings of love or even lust for her. What I'd like to know is should I end the relationship a second time?

HDT

Christine says:

Absolutely not, I think you should get married and then when your children ask you how you fell in love you could say you didn't, you were just looking the other way at the time and then were too polite to leave. I'm being facetious, of course; this is utter madness. I'm not sure who should run screaming from this relationship faster, you or her. You don't save someone's feelings by pretending to want to be with them, you make everything worse and the longer you let it go on, the worse it gets.

The thing is, you don't just 'find yourself back' with someone, something has to happen in order for the relationship to start up again. So you must have felt something for her other than pity then, unless you consider yourself some sort of relationship missionary. This isn't like when a neighbour asks to borrow a power tool, you say 'yes' then they don't return it and you are too embarrassed to bring the subject up every time you see them. You are stringing her along and ruining both your chances of finding real happiness.

[Relevant: Why do some men just stop calling]

Maybe you could tell her you've got a part in the new Pirates of the Caribbean film and have to go away for a very long time. I say that because you must be a mighty good actor to have kept this going for so long without her wondering why you don't like touching her, talking to her or taking her anywhere. Man up will you! And bring those power tools back while you're at it.

Kevin says:
I wonder why she fell in love with you after just one night; maybe it was for your unique ability to devise very silly questions. What you're essentially asking is whether you should stop going out with a girl you don't like. But you don't need to seek the counsel of a so-called dating expert for that. You could ask anyone — Cheryl Cole, Kriss Akabusi, ET. They'd all give you the same answer: yes, you should end it. Or put another way, why on earth would you carry it on? What's in it for you?

The frustrating thing is that you behaved so impeccably the first time. Ending your fledging relationship to protect this girl's feelings was a lovely thing to do. And it was a wise thing to do, because she sounds a bit weird. But now you're just leading her on. You've undone all your good work and your integrity is tarnished, like Anakin Skywalker or Nick Clegg or something.

Like you, I also suffer the inconvenience of girls falling in love with me as soon as they have sex with me, normally because they are high on uplifting drugs. But you can't go out with someone just because they like you. It might seem kind but it does more harm than good because they'll be living in a fantasy world, when they should moving on and meeting other people. And you should do the same. That's not just my opinion, but also Kriss Akabusi's.

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