How do I take control in the bedroom?
Dear Lady and The Scamp,
I feel my fear of taking control in the bedroom is undermining my relationship. I'm terrified I'll be rubbish and I'm also really insecure and embarrassed by my body/ 'sex' face. Every time I try to explain this to my boyfriend I clam up. Or if he suggests I 'get on top' I act like I'm not in the mood. But really, I just want to make him speechless the way he does me :-) What can I do?
Anonymous
Kevin says:
I'm not going to start dishing out sex tips as that would just make everyone do a bit of sick in their mouth. What I will say is that men are quite happy when girls ask their advice — whether it's about real ale, negotiating the M25 or sex. Especially about sex, as it gives him a licence to mould you to his own particular and possibly depraved tastes.
It's also worth noting that men aren't that discerning when it comes to a girl's technique - not like we are about the performance of England footballers or iPhone apps. So I think your best bet is to come clean and plead ignorance and innocence. He'll probably find your vulnerability endearing and happily list his tips, like a helpful shop assistant in PC World. Otherwise, if you keep refusing to do stuff he'll just mistakenly think you're being lazy, which is far worse than being inexperienced.
As for the body thing, if he's already having sex with you he's obviously a fan of it. And why are you embarrassed about your sex face? Did you test it out in the mirror while alone and not like it? I really wouldn't worry about that. My sex face resembles that of a man simultaneously being told of the death of a distant elderly relative and that he's won four free tickets to Glastonbury. I'm sure it's not flattering, yet I actively try to get girls to see it.
So in summary, I think you should cast your fears aside and be honest. And if you're still that insecure about how you look just do what I do and wear sunglasses during intercourse.
[See also: My partner has never made me orgasm]
Christine says:
If you want to make him smile then stop explaining that you think he thinks your feet are a weird shape and go for it, because I'm guessing a lovely chat is not what he's looking for here.
This is a bit like those women who refuse to use the toilets at work for anything other than a quick tinkle. You know the ones that hold it in all day so they can go at home as they can't handle anyone 'hearing' them. Oh, the shame! The utter toe-curling embarrassment of being laughed at for doing the same thing every other person on the planet does. Except no one is laughing, as no one's noticed or cared.
If medals were given out for worrying about things that men don't give a tinker's chuff about, then women would get gold every time. Confidence is the key. Even if you're not confident, pretend you are. Do what you do when someone presents you with their ugly baby - fake it. Once you've relaxed, this confidence will soon become real.
If you put a bit of effort in, he'll be so busy having the time of his life that he won't care about your 'sex face'; he won't care if you're wearing a Paul Daniels mask and singing hits from the shows. Or, really take control in the bedroom and say you're going to watch Corrie in your 'jamas while pairing some socks but then don't be surprised if he goes off with that woman from two doors down - you know, the one with the contorted face.
Have a dating dilemma you'd like solved? Ask our resident agony
aunt/uncle for an honest, heartfelt and humorous response. Send your
questions to
lady.scamp@yahoo.co.uk.
Or check out past responses to readers' dating dilemmas.
Looking for love? Find someone special with Yahoo!
