Ray Rice and Janay Palmer video: Why Women Stay In Abusive Relationships

After months of speculation and controversy, this week the NFL gave American football player Ray Rice an indefinite ban after knocking his then fiancé unconscious in a hotel elevator.

Janay Palmer was dealt a swift blow to the head in the confines of a lift at the Revel Casino in Atlantic City on February 15th this year.

The 27-year-old football player was indicted on third-degree aggravated assault on March 27th.

On March 28th, Janay Palmer married him.

The charges were later dropped but upon the release of a video showing Ray dragging Janay’s limp body from the elevator, the NFL imposed a two-game ban on the Baltimore Ravens running back.

Janay stood by her husband at a press conference in May and the official Ravens Twitter account tweeted that the mother-of-one ‘deeply regrets the role that she played the night of the incident’.

A second video emerged this week from inside the elevator, showing the horrific moment when the 206lb man sucker punches the mother of his child, knocking her unconscious.

Following a public outcry, this week Ray was finally handed an indefinite ban from the game that has to date earned him $38 million (£23.3 million).

While Ray has since claimed that he ‘needs to be strong for [his] wife’ right now, Janay took to her Instagram account to complain about the media speculation surrounding the event.

“I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare…But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare in itself.

“To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing.

“To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass [off] for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific.

“THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all the happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is!”

For many, these comments from a victim of domestic violence will prove for uncomfortable reading but Janay Rice is not the only victim to defend their attacker and stay with them.

Sandra Horley, CBE and chief executive of national domestic violence charity Refuge, explains the unflinching control abusers wield over their victims.

"People often ask, ‘Why do women stay with violent men?’

“The answer is complicated. There are a huge number of practical and psychological barriers to leaving an abusive partner. 

“Victims of domestic violence are frequently isolated by their abusers: systematically cut off from friends and family. It can be incredibly hard for women to reach out for help in situations like this.

“The grinding impact of emotional abuse can chip away at a woman’s sense of self. She may begin to believe her abuser when he tells her, day in, day out, that she is worthless, that no-one will believe her, that no-one cares about her but him.”

Indeed, a hashtag sprung up on Twitter following the announcement, #WhyIStayed, where mainly female victims of domestic abuse explain why they remained in violent relationships.

“There is no “right” way for victims of domestic violence to feel,” claims Sandra.

“Many abused women feel a complicated mixture of emotions, including shame, fear, guilt and hope. 

“We need to remember that abusive men are not 'violent monsters' all of the time – in fact, the way they succeed in controlling their partner is by switching behaviours between charm and rage. 

"It is natural for a woman to hope and believe that the man she loves will change - that his 'good side' will reappear."

But the facts are there:

One in four women are abused in their life, with two women in England and Wales killed every week at the hands of their partner.

On average it takes seven attempts to leave an abusive partner and victims are at the greatest risk of homicide at the point of separation or just after leaving their partner.

Domestic violence has the highest rate of repeat victimization of any crime.

So really the question is not why do the victims stay, but why do men abuse?

Unfortunately, with the blame culture focusing on victims and a seemingly endless list of excuses to be made for men in positions of power, people aren’t interested in the answer.

If you have been affected by any of the issues in this article remember - you are not alone - Refuge is here to support you. Visit www.refuge.org.uk for more information on domestic violence, or if you’re worried about a friend or family member, go to www.1in4women.com.

[Ray Rice sacked after second video of domestic violence revealed]