Kim Kardashian Leaves House Looking Like A Vibrator, World Pretends Not To Notice

We’ve all been there.

You’re getting ready to go to the launch of your latest perfume Down Under, your hair and make-up are just the right side of drag queen chic and your outfit is ready to go.

Then, out of nowhere, the tasteful black column dress that you had been planning on wearing gets lost somewhere between your private jet and the penthouse suite you’re staying in – probably thanks to the ineptitude of one of your many assistants.

Distraught, you’re forced to wear the only other thing you brought with you – a latex bandage dress that looks like it has been sprayed on to your body – and hope that no-one notices how much you look like a walking, talking pouting Rampant Rabbit.

Well for Kim Kardashian that struggle was real last night, as she walked the streets of Melbourne looking like a sex toy.

The reality star took to the red carpet in her second skin to celebrate the release of ‘Fleur Fatale’ – that’s fatal flower to any of you non-French speakers out there.

Let’s not even try to fathom what on earth a fatal flower is supposed to smell like.

The real horror of the story is that no-one took Kim to one side and said, 'Hey so you kinda look like a dildo. And that's cool and everything, cause you're clearly very body confident, which is great and all but you know, a dildo. You look like a dildo.'

Instead Kim’s many minders shuttled the 34-year-old through the event, diligently keeping their eyes on the floor and away from the human vibrator in their midst.

All except this guy, who totally got caught checking out Kim’s infamous rear.

Yeah, we saw that mate.

In the wake of #BreakTheInternet, we assumed that nothing Mrs Kardashian West wears could really shock us any more.

Clearly we were wrong.

You win this round Kim.
 
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