Great Comic Relief Bake Off 2015: Secret Swot Alexa Attempts To De-Throne The Queen Of Comedy

Remember that really annoying kid at school, the one who’d try to be all cool and say they didn’t study for the exam and were like, soooo bad at science, then would end up getting top marks? Meet Alexa ‘I keep my shoes in the oven’ Chung.

The infuriatingly gorgeous model-slash TV presenter-slash contributing editor at Vogue (the poor girl never had a chance with me) made such a fuss about her lack of baking prowess, then proceeded to wow the judges with her moreish salted caramel brownies and perfectly perforated crumpets.

Joining Alexa were national treasure and all-round funny gal Victoria Wood, former Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles and the disconcertingly handsome Kayvan Novak (yeah, I had to Google him, too – he’s that guy from Fonejacker). Ed Byrne was presenting this week.

Never trust a skinny cook
Chris embraced the role of loveable underdog early on, endearingly likening baking to a science, ‘and I’m not very good at science’. A chocolate and almond tray bake that broke into little pieces when removed too early from its tin, overly salted crumpets and a pretty much raw showstopper carrot cake – the newly skinny Moyles clearly hadn’t been sampling his practice bakes.

Speaking of tray bakes, Kayvan was confident his quince, cardamom jam and pistachio offering, a nod to his Persian roots, would impress the judges: ‘I imagine myself to be an excellent baker because I do things well, so why not baking?’

Laughter didn’t seem to be the response he was after. ‘The cardamom is very strong,’ chuckled Paul. ‘Well, I can only blame my mum then – she made the jam,’ sulked Novak, giving Paul one of those ‘You did not just disrespect the woman who gave birth to me’ faces. Awkward turtle.

Searching for holes
Everyone became obsessed with holes for the technical challenge. Crumpet holes, that is. Apparently, the key to a successful crumpet is lots of aeration. ‘I’ve got a few holes,’ said Victoria on inspection of her crumpets. ‘How many holes am I supposed to have?’

Despite Victoria being the only one to locate the proving drawer for her dough, it was Alexa’s crumpets that, yet again, stole the limelight.

It was all to play for in the final round, though. Well, for three of the contestants anyway, as Ed tactfully pointed out. Chris, ‘a right mess from beginning to end’ was just there to ‘provide the humour for Comic Relief.’ Words straight out of Mary Berry’s mouth, ladies and gentlemen. That evil Paul Hollywood has corrupted her good, sweet soul.

The bakers were tasked with the challenge of creating a vegetable cake selfie and really, they all looked awesome, even Chris’s bizarre 3D carrot-flavoured skull.

Kayvan also played it safe with a carrot cake styled as the Fonejacker, while Victoria and Alexa were more ambitious with beetroot and courgette and lime creations respectively.

Kayvan managed to reign in his flavours this time, but his cake was way too oily, Chris’s dismembered head was undercookedand Alexa? Chung choked! Her ‘cloy’ courgette cake inspired much mirth in the bake off tent.

The deserving winner was good old Victoria, who will take on Jennifer Saunders, Gok Wan and Michael Sheen in next week’s final. Stay tuned!

[Great Comic Relief Bake Off week three recap]

[Great Comic Relief Bake Off week two recap]