Date and Run – Did You Actually Just Flake On Me?

I can’t stand flakes.

And yet in every facet of life there they are, just BEGGING to cancel at the last minute.

We live in a world of  ‘Yes Men’, defined by the overlapping parties they cram into their Outlook calendars.

Yet when good old Patrick’s birthday finally comes a knockin’, here comes the migraine, speedier than a virgin in a brothel.

Nowhere is flaking more prominent than in the dating world.

We set up dates, and consistently bail.

My advice: don’t schedule dates you won't make. The singleton’s heart is a fragile one and to build up hope is cruel.

Here’s a pretty bad example of when the flake instinct was strong….

…..

In my early days as a matchmaker, a client shared this story with me to explain why he hated going on dates.

His friend Steve had finally decided to step into the waters of online dating.

He was clocking an hour a night on various sites and was hopeful to meet someone he liked.

Steve was a good looking guy. Great face, hilarious chat.

The thing is. He was really short. With quite bad shoes.

Fickle considerations? YES. But if I know women, those two things can be deal breakers.

Well that didn’t matter online.

Steve added a couple of inches to his height and took pics from the waist up.

Before he knew it, he had a date.

Tuesday. 6pm. Soho.

He was looking forward to it – she had sent him some pretty adorable messages that week.

But there was one issue.  She was tall. Like really tall.

Tuesday came and he approached the meeting spot.

After five minutes she hadn’t turned up.

He was trying not to freak out so casually played with his phone.

Suddenly, he spotted her.

She was crossing the road and seemed to be looking around, but just not at him.

He reached out to wave and finally she caught his eye.

Standing on the traffic island a few metres from him she shouted out in a wavering voice "Steve?"

“Yes!", he sweetly shouted back.

She stopped dead in her tracks, turned and started walking briskly in the opposite direction.

Wondering what was up, he decided to pursue.

But as he did, she started walking faster. Wait, now it was a trot.

Before he knew what was happening, he was running after her and she was in a fast canter.

After a while he started to feel a bit weird about the chase but pushed on.

She was in heels so, inevitably, tripped.

The advantage was his!

He caught up and tried to help her up.

Reaching into her purse, she grabbed her Dior perfume and sprayed him in the face.

BURNNNNNN.

She got up again and ran. He left it.

Logging online that night he fired her a message: "Erm, what the f*ck was that about?"

He waited for the reply.

"There was no chemistry," she wrote back. And that was that.

…..

So what’s the takeaway here?  Don’t be a psychotic b**ch? Sure.

Everyone flakes on dates. But the key is to leave some doubt in that person’s mind about why you flaked.

Had she flaked on him 20 mins in, he could have at least had an excuse to bolster his ego – flatmate locked out, dog run over.

But the in-the-face date flake (plus GBH) was cruel and unnecessary.

Commit to your dates, attraction or not.

You can always add it to the repertoire of singleton anecdotes that your married friends seem to bloody love you for.

Oh you.  


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As well as a dating blogger for Yahoo Lifestyle, Nana is an experienced matchmaker. She's runs a bespoke dating service called Social Concierge.