Blog Posts by Lady and The Scamp

  • How to tell them you want to be more than friends

    I fancy one of my friends. How can I find out if he feels the same without humiliating myself and possibly ruining the friendship?
    Jen

    Kevin says:

    There are three ways you can handle this:

    1. Wait for him to make a move.

    2. Drop some clanging hints you fancy him and then back off if he doesn't take the bait.

    3. Get drunk and tell him.

    Number two is by far the most sensible option. Even if the hint is really obvious, like you stare at his willy for 25 minutes, you can still both pretend it never happened and carry on as before.

    Number three is riskier because friendships are not generally compatible with unrequited fancying. But you needn't be humiliated, as long as you accept it when he doesn't feel the same. Staying friends after that will be quite easy for him because he only sees you as a mate anyway and he'll probably forget your confession eventually... or at least assume the matter is closed.

    [See also: How to tell them you 'just want to be friends']

    The bigger issue is whether

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  • Can you persuade your partner to marry you?

    My boyfriend and I have a fantastic relationship and we are very glad we've found each other. The problem is he said he doesn't ever want to get married and I do, in fact I've had my wedding dress picked since I was a child. How can I convince him he's wrong?

    Alice

    Kevin says:
    I imagine you've already tried to convince him, and it hasn't worked, so scrap that. A man will only be persuaded to marry for the same reason he's persuaded to do anything - all his mates start doing it. It's like when they all got plasma screen TVs in 2005. So a better option would be to convince his mates to get married instead. Just gradually try to whittle down his social life to nothing, and then he might consider it.

    Alternatively, respect his choice. He's not "wrong", as you put it, just because his view is different to yours. Constant nagging will only make him less inclined to devote his life to you.

    It's sweet that you picked your wedding dress when you were ickle... at least it probably was at the

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  • What to do if your partner is a mummy’s boy

    My boyfriend and I live together and he's a real mummy's boy. He does whatever his mum tells him and it's starting to affect our relationship. Is this normal for guys and should I say something?
    Athena

    Christine says:

    Oh dear, oh dear. What shall we do with mummy's little soldier? Probably tell him to grow up and stop being such a wuss.
    In a way it's nice that he has such a great relationship with his mum and doesn't just shout 'I'm putting you in a home!' down the phone at her. It's normally girls that are better at ringing their mum and making sure she gets acknowledged on birthdays and Christmases, so it's a good sign that he cares.

    However, some mothers find it difficult to let go when their little bunny-bumpkins moves out, even more so when they shift their affection to another woman. Without getting too Freudian, she's probably a little jealous and likes to still be in control, and he probably likes still getting his pants bought for him and his sandwiches cut into the shape of a

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  • To trim or not to trim?

    Dear Lady and The Scamp,

    My girlfriend said she'd like me to trim the hair on my private parts. I like it when women are shaved but I think it's weird for a man to do it. Should I?

    Brian Fox

    Kevin says:
    I have long had sympathy for the hairy woman. And by that I mean all of them, as that is how God intended her. It seems harsh the way female hirsuteness has become increasingly outlawed, although I admit I too have been sucked in by this bush-whacking mentality. Whereas in my youth I navigated the bristling wilderness with indifference, it now prompts a raised eyebrow. I have been programmed to accept the notion that women are not allowed hair anywhere except their head.

    But why aren't they? It's merely fashion. And I think it's unfair, and needless. Yet I have remained silent on this issue, until now… now that men are getting dragged into it too. Now I say: enough is enough. It's only hair, it means no harm. And yes Brian Fox, I think it is weird for a grown man to remove

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  • When you should definitely call things quits

    Dear Lady and The Scamp,

    I went out with a girl and the first night I spent with her, she said she loved me.  The day after I explained that I couldn't have the same feelings for her and that I didn't want to hurt her so we mutually agreed to end it but now I find myself back with her and still have no feelings of love or even lust for her.  What I'd like to know is should I end the relationship a second time?

    HDT

    Christine says:
    Absolutely not, I think you should get married and then when your children ask you how you fell in love you could say you didn't, you were just looking the other way at the time and then were too polite to leave. I'm being facetious, of course; this is utter madness. I'm not sure who should run screaming from this relationship faster, you or her. You don't save someone's feelings by pretending to want to be with them, you make everything worse and the longer you let it go on, the worse it gets.

    The thing is, you don't just 'find yourself back'

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  • How to tell when he’s using you

    Dear Lady and The Scamp,

    Me and my boyfriend of two years broke up the other day because of his work mates. He said he doesn't want to get back together but we have been sleeping with each other nearly every day since. I asked him what we were and he said we were seeing each other, and that we are boyfriend and girlfriend again, but here is the thing he said he didn't want to tell anyone. Is he using me or is he ashamed of me, are we really together or am I being an idiot?
    Kayleigh

    Kevin says:

    Why did you split up "because of his work mates"? Did he spend too much time with them? Did you sleep with them all? Were you banned by his company for making threatening phone calls to his office? There's no point in asking these questions I suppose, because you're not here. But it's kind of irrelevant anyway because I can answer your question without this extra information: yes, you are probably being an idiot.

    You can't have a proper relationship without telling anyone. Not

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  • Why don’t some men like to cuddle?

    Dear Lady and The Scamp,

    I have been sleeping with this gorgeous guy for a short while and we have the most amazing sex. However, I would like more affection from him (i.e cuddles and kisses) outside the bedroom. I understand this is purely a relationship based on sex and lust. But it doesn't hurt to give someone a cuddle, right?

    Sally Jane

    Kevin says:

    I doesn't hurt to give someone a cuddle but it seems a bit pointless unless they're a close relative or furry. Some people (i.e. girls) like to cuddle for cuddling's sake whereas men only cuddle when it means something.

    In this way, male and female attitudes to sex and cuddling are the exact opposite. So, while women prefer sex to be meaningful, many dudes are more willing to insert their penis into a woman than give her an affectionate embrace.

    This is partly because men's brains are so advanced that they are able to have sex with girls without forming any emotional attachment — but this power doesn't necessarily extend

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  • Why do men sometimes just stop calling?

    Dear Lady and The Scamp,

    I met a guy online last month. We met and he seemed genuine and caring. We had (what I thought were) three great dates, conversations every day on the phone and exchanged hundreds of emails. He seemed keen, then all of a sudden nothing! No contact! Is this usual? Should I forget about online dating, or do most men do this when they want to end a relationship?

    EA

    Kevin says:

    Yes this is completely usual, didn't you know? Men prefer to quit casual relationships in the same way they'd leave a Tesco after accidentally knocking a jar of Uncle Ben's Sweet and Sour Sauce off the shelf and leaving a puddle of sweet red gunk spreading through the aisle. Walk sheepishly away, and don't look back.

    The reason being, it's easier. If he goes to the till and explains that he smashed a jar of sweet and sour sauce, it will only lead to an awkward — possibly confrontational — exchange. But ultimately it won't save the jar of sauce so what's the point? True, the Tesco staff

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  • How do I take control in the bedroom?

    Dear Lady and The Scamp,

    I feel my fear of taking control in the bedroom is undermining my relationship. I'm terrified I'll be rubbish and I'm also really insecure and embarrassed by my body/ 'sex' face. Every time I try to explain this to my boyfriend I clam up. Or if he suggests I 'get on top' I act like I'm not in the mood. But really, I just want to make him speechless the way he does me :-) What can I do?

    Anonymous

    Kevin says:
    I'm not going to start dishing out sex tips as that would just make everyone do a bit of sick in their mouth. What I will say is that men are quite happy when girls ask their advice — whether it's about real ale, negotiating the M25 or sex. Especially about sex, as it gives him a licence to mould you to his own particular and possibly depraved tastes.

    It's also worth noting that men aren't that discerning when it comes to a girl's technique - not like we are about the performance of England footballers or iPhone apps. So I think your best bet is to come

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  • Should you date more than one person at a time?

    Dear Lady and The Scamp,

    I'm interested in two girls but neither of them knows my feelings. One I work with but I'm worried that if I ask her out it could become difficult at work, especially as my relationships are not always the smoothest. The other is a Facebook friend I don't really know that well - although we have mutual friends. Have you any advice on how to approach these girls in their separate ways?

    Jay

    Christine says:
    No. I don't have any advice on how to approach these girls in their separate ways, because most girls won't like to be involved in your insulting spread-betting tactics. In fact, I'm not even giving your email my full attention as I have several other emails that I'm reading at the same time. Does that make you feel special? No? Good. Here's a thought - pick one. Just pick the one you like most, and ask her to go for a drink with you. If she turns you down, then and only then, should you turn your attention to the other one. Girls like to feel important, as

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