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Baby Blog: The Responsibility of Motherhood Is Overwhelming Me

Our Mum blogger is worrying about the future

Last Christmas a friend bought me a Bonsai tree. I forgot to water it and it died. I wasn’t what you would call a responsible carer.

This Christmas, as serendipity would have it, I am the sole carer to a three-month-old human. Needless to say, I’ve had to work on my responsible caring skills - and fast.

Copyright: [Amy Nickell]
Copyright: [Amy Nickell]


The word ‘responsibility’ is always thrown around when it comes to talk of parenting. "It’s a HUGE responsibility, I’m just not ready for the responsibility," everyone says.

But it's not the feeding, the nappy changing and the sleepless nights that worry me. It’s the other type of responsibility that worries me.

I'm doing my best to lay fashionable foundations! Copyright: [Yahoo Lifestyle]
I'm doing my best to lay fashionable foundations! Copyright: [Yahoo Lifestyle]


Responsibility Is A Big Deal
Responsibility can be defined as, "The state of being accountable or to blame for something." Now that's scary.

A life is a pretty big deal, and I’m liable for one. This sense of responsibility is huge and, to be honest, it’s overwhelming me.

I’m laying the all-important foundations knowing that every decision I make now shapes my son's future. Plus, I’ve only got one crack at this – I can’t start again if I mess it up the first time.

Which Advice Is Right?
It doesn’t help that every piece of parenting advice conflicts with another.

Pick Freddy up and he will become clingy and never be independent. Leave him to cry and he will think I've abandoned him and thus probably grow up to have crippling anxiety issues.

I should swaddle him tightly, but not too tightly. Too tight and he'll probably die of cot death.

I have to put him on his back to sleep, but also make sure I put him on his tummy - so that he doesn't have a flat head forever.

It’s safe to say that most of the time I just feel confused and inadequate.

I’m sending myself neurotic, obsessed with doing everything I can to give Freddy the best, happiest life that a person can have. And I have to live with the fear that a decision I make could hinder him.

I know that before he has the option to think any differently he will take his cues from me and mirror my values, my manners, my energy, my emotions. So I have to make sure these are in good shape. Who he is tomorrow depends on who I am today.

Copyright: [Amy Nickell]
Copyright: [Amy Nickell]


What's Too Much?
During this frantic rush to do everything I can, I worry I could be doing too much and that he will grow up a Veruca Salt by my doing.  

Motherhood is increasingly synonymous with guilt – am I doing enough? Am I talking to him enough? Laughing with him enough? Playing with him enough?

Saying that, I don’t want to talk to him too much so that he gets overtired, play with him too much so he doesn’t know how to be independent, laugh so much that I forget to play his baby Mozart CD.

And then all this stress on my part can’t be good for him – he will totally ‘get my vibes’ and cry indefinitely which will produce a whole load of cortisol and stunt his brain development.

Me and Fred making implicit memories. Copyright: [Amy Nickell]
Me and Fred making implicit memories. Copyright: [Amy Nickell]


But he won’t even remember it, right? So what’s all the stress about for now?

Well, unless he is some sort of memory genius, no, he won’t. But everything he experiences now creates implicit memories

Basically, just because something can’t be recalled doesn't mean it isn’t remembered via feelings and emotions within the brain’s limbic system. Apparently even foetuses make implicit memories - but let’s save worrying about that for another blog.

Copyright: [Amy Nickell]
Copyright: [Amy Nickell]


Sometimes I feel like I love him so much I might burst if he doesn’t fulfill his potential but I know I need to lay off the perfectionism and align expectations with reality.

Like all mums, I can only do my best and I’m sure missing one baby sensory class won’t result in a lifetime career in the Argos stockroom. Not that I’m taking any chances.

Now excuse me while I go and enrol Freddy to baby reflexology classes. It's excellent for lowering stress levels, apparently.

[Baby Blog: Night Feeding Truly Is The Devil]

[Baby Blog: I'm Not Crying, That's Just Wee In My Eye]

Do you worry that your parenting skills aren't up to scratch? Let us know in the comments.